Haldol Blowdart Halted in Phase 3 Clinical Trial Due to ‘Safety Concerns’
MORRISTOWN, NJ - Recognizing the mounting need for new and creative ways to quickly administer haloperidol (a typical antipsychotic drug) to that “difficult” patient, Big Pharma Pharmaceuticals (BPP) outside Morristown, NJ had planned to release...
Monty Python Teaches Us About Birth & Administration
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life came out in 1983. Yet this classic scene, "Part I - The Miracle of Birth," still rings loud and clear today, from the machine that goes "PING!!!" to Michael...
Special Pyxis to Dispense American Flags & Flair
FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA, AMERICA - Hospitals and clinics across this great land of ours will be using special Pyxis machines to dispense American flags and flair to all patients hospitalized and all health...
Local ER Offering Pain Meds Freebased, or Heated on a Spoon and Injected
NORFOLK, VA – Local ER is now offering patients the option of their pain medication freebased or heated on a spoon and injected. “We already start IVs and give narcotics for 10/10 pain, then...
Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons
SEATTLE, WA - American purveyor of cinnamon rolls and diabetes, Cinnabon has announced a new tactic to combat the obesity epidemic, not by changing its recipe but by offering free insulin rolls instead. Cinnabon...
Slow-A** Da Vinci Holds Up Lines, Taking Forever to Vote
WASHINGTON, DC - The Da Vinci Surgical Robot is proudly exercising his right to vote this Election Day, but here's the problem: he's slow as hell and is holding up the lines at his...
Breaking: Turns Out the Patient’s Name Really is John Doe
NASHVILLE, TN - Well, it was bound to happen one day: members of the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Vanderbilt University have realized that their comatose patient assigned the name John Doe until...
Oh No! ZDoggMD was Attacked by a Lion on Live Stream
LAS VEGAS, NV - Looks like Healthcare 3.0 will have to wait. ZDoggMD was attacked by a lion on his live stream today. ZDogg wuz droppin' hard line after hard line about the problems...
New CPR Mannequin to More Accurately Reflect Average American
WASHINGTON – The American Heart Association (AHA) announced today the release of a new line of CPR mannequins, designed to more accurately reflect the appearance of everyday Americans.
“Part of our mission has always been...
New “Code 7/19” Intubation Protocol Keeps Day Nurse Around to Finish Sstorm He Started
The time is 1859 and pagers throughout the ICU begin to chirp. It’s time: Tube O’clock. This simple and easy protocol was designed to ensure each patient is tubed NO SOONER than five minutes...
