New Weight Loss Surgery to Bypass Stomach, Mouth Completely
BALTIMORE, MD – Calling the new procedure a “miracle in bariatric surgery,” physicians at John’s Hopkins University spoke at a press conference last Saturday regarding a newly-developed surgical technique for weight loss that bypasses...
Social-Histories Improve Markedly Following Social Media Data Hack
Medical institutions across the nation have noticed a dramatic increase in the social history accuracy of their medical records over the past month, following Epic’s unexpected hack of all social media platforms.
When asked for...
Who Received Pope Francis’ Blessing?
Many people know that Pope Francis has been visiting the United States. However, not many people realize that he has stopped by numerous healthcare facilities to offer his blessings and stock up on graham...
New Year’s Resolution: Hospital Moving Away from Term “Never Event”… Due to Frequency of...
NAPLES, FL - In 2011 when the term “Never Event” came into vogue for certain medical and surgical “whoopsies” that probably should never happen, administrators and quality care advisors at Our Lady of Perpetual...
Doc McStuffins Caught Sleeping with Lambie, License Suspended
SACRAMENTO, CA - The Medical Board of California suspended the license of Dottie "Doc" McStuffins after allegations arose that she conducted an inappropriate relationship with a patient. McStuffins’ embattled backyard playhouse clinic has faced a...
Family Cancels Vacation after EpiPen Use
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - Bad news from the Carson family house yesterday, Chris and Jenny had to tell their kids that their recent use of an EpiPen, for an allergic reaction, forced them to cancel...
Med Student with Crushing Debt Terrified He Will Like Family Medicine
MAYWOOD, IL - Citing concerns about his crushing debt, local 3rd-year med student Aaron Ferguson reports that he is “terrified” he will enjoy his family medicine rotation. “It sounds pretty good,” admitted a cautiously...
If Elected, Trump to Appoint Jenny McCarthy as Surgeon General
NEW YORK, NY - In a move which further establishes his anti-vaccine stance, Donald Trump announced yesterday that, if elected, he plans to appoint fellow famous anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy to the position of Surgeon...
Physician Reprimanded for Overprescribing Therapy Dogs
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA – An Inland Empire doctor has been placed on probationary status by the Medical Board of California for overprescribing therapy dogs, prescribing inappropriate therapy dogs, and giving unnecessary dog therapy to...
Pokemon Go Video Game Gets People To Go Outside
CHICAGO, IL - Doctors are flabbergasted by what Nintendo has achieved. For years, they have been telling patients to stop playing video games and go outside and exercise. Then, in one day, Nintendo made...