Hypochondriacs Try to Cope with Pandemic: It’s Not Going So Wel
SICKLERVILLE, NJ—Local hypochondriac, Emma Dyne, is not taking any chances with the coronavirus pandemic. For the last month, the 25-year-old healthy woman has worn a mask everywhere she’s gone: her bedroom, the kitchen, and...
APA Finally Admits It Just Too Damn Lazy to Add Treatment Section to DSM
WASHINGTON, DC—The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has at long last definitively answered a question that has been floating around ever since the publication of its first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)...
New DSM to Classify Hearing Diastolic Murmur as an Auditory Hallucination
DUBUQUE, IA - Following a growing number of reports on the deteriorating mental health among doctors, the American Psychiatric Association decided to tackle the issue through the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical...
FDA Finally Approves The Ativan Diffuser for All Hospital Units
WASHINGTON, DC - In a closely contested vote, the FDA approved a new medical delivery device this week, the H-Vape 86. It is an Ativan air diffuser that looks like a Vicks Vaporub humidifier, yet...
Psychiatric Screamers to Replace Screeners in ERs
Given the continued emphasis on cost cutting, implementing effective measures, and streamlining services in healthcare, some cutting-edge emergency departments are moving from their usual psychiatric screeners to psychiatric screamers. This is the brainchild of...
Clinically-Depressed Resident Not Flexible Enough for Yoga
TAMPA, FL - In a sad and tragic turn of events, local resident doctor James Hilden was told that he would never fully be cured from his depression due to his inability to participate...
The Days of Limitless “Allergies” Are Numbered
WASHINGTON, DC - Americans have always enjoyed the right to have a limitless numbers of allergies, but after new CMS guidelines were approved this week, all patients will be limited to a maximum of 3...
Incredibly Narcissistic Patient with Dementia Remains Oriented Only to Self
In what can only be described as a sickening display of pure narcissism, Gertrude Walters, an 82 year-old woman with advanced dementia, has remained oriented only to herself for the third hospital day in...
Psych Agrees: “It’s Just Another Manic Monday”
NEW ORLEANS, LA - Well, the weekend is over and it's the start of a new work week. For Tulane psychiatrist Curtis Loder, his Monday schedule has once again been frontloaded with patients who...
Med Student Doing a Psych Rotation Writes Her Own Mental Status Exam
MENTAL STATUS EXAM (MSE) - A female in her 20's looking stated age, recently changed out of sweatpants and into pajamas with a loud coffee stain. Dark circles under her eyes prominent, and personal hygiene found lacking. ...
