Doctor to Hand Out Metformin for Halloween

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HOUSTON, TX – Local physician Dr. Sharma plans to hand out “Fun-Size” packages of metformin this Halloween. “Pretty much every child develops diabetes on November 1st after a successful trick-or-treating.  I’ll being doing their hearts...
CDC The Cure Friday I'm in Love

CDC Announces “It’s Friday, I’m in Love!!”

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ATLANTA, GA - After informing Thursday that it didn't care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that "it's Friday, I'm in love!" "I don't care if Monday's blue,...
nice patient endangered species

Breaking: Nice Patients Added to Endangered Species List

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a move suggesting they are likely to become extinct unless something more is done to save them for future generations, the National Academy of Medicine (NAM; formerly known as the Institute...

US Men’s Soccer Team Blames Loss to Trinidad On Anesthesia

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COUVA, TRINIDAD - The US Men’s National Soccer Team sustained the most disappointing loss in Team history losing to Trinidad and Tobago eliminating them from the 2018 World Cup. USMNT Coach Bruce Arena was quite...
CVS Pharmacy

CVS to Limit Opioid Prescription Length to 7 Days, Unless You Say “Pretty Please?!”...

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WOONSOCKET, RI - Stepping up to the plate to help combat the ongoing opioid epidemic, CVS Pharmacy has adopted a new opioid policy that will limit opioid prescriptions to 7 days and prioritize the...

Hospital Safety: Fire Marshall Bill Edition

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Fire Marshall Bill Burns taught us valuable lessons in safety for 5 years.  This one in the hospital was none other than the best.  All possible outcomes are covered so take a moment and...
Lego foot pain Dilaudid

CDC Recommends IV Dilaudid to Treat Foot Pain Caused by Stepping on a Stray...

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ATLANTA, GA - Finally acknowledging it as the most painful thing a human being can ever experience, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends IV Dilaudid (hydromorphone) as first-line treatment for pain caused...
Cookie Monster Sexy Bod

Looking Hot! Cookie Monster Shows Off New Sexy Bod After Trading in Cookies for...

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JUST WEST OF SESAME STREET - Holy sexiness, Batman!  So much has been happening in the news recently that it's hard to lose sight of what really matters, which is why Gomerblog is here...
Tom Price

Breaking: Tom Price Signs Off, Turfs Department of Health & Human Services to Medicine

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - After dealing with scandal over the use of private jets for multiple government business trips, orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has signed off as Secretary of Health & Human Services, and turfed...
blue hospital sign hospital signs

To Control Patient Volumes, Hospital Takes Down Hospital Signs Within 5-Mile Radius

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Exhausted from record levels of ER visits as reflected in recent CEDOCS scores, emergency department staff at University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) Health System are taking a proactive approach and removing...