Saturday, August 15, 2020

News-in-Brief

Short Articles for Your Short Attention Span

rings paper chart aligned

Rings in Paper Chart Not in the Mood to Stay Aligned Today

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ATLANTA, GA - All the metal rings in Room 482A's paper chart are in a particularly bad mood today and don't plan to stay aligned today and probably into the unforeseeable future.  "It's a...

Nadal Calls Medical Timeout After Limbs Fall Off During Epic Rally

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FLUSHING, NY - No. 1 seed Rafael Nadal cruised to victory in his opening match against Dujan Lajovic despite calling a brief medical timeout after his limbs fell off his body one by one...

Local Man Really Enjoyed Solar Eclipse

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ATLANTA, GA – It was a scene filled with excitement this morning as millions of people from all over the country ventured outside to observe the 2017 solar eclipse. Perhaps nobody enjoyed it more than local...

Canadian Provinces Presenting to the Emergency Room

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British Columbia: 43-year-old female worried she accidentally overdosed on Gingko baba when she took two times the amount on her way to yoga. Feeling tingly inside. Alberta: 30-year-old male requesting medication refill for Ativan. Here...

Thor Spotted Crushing Reflexes with Mighty Hammer

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ASGARD – According to witnesses, Thor, Norse God of Thunder, was recently spotted at a local hospital crushing patellar tendons with his mighty new reflex hammer.  Wielding a black, triangular rubber mallet sitting atop...

New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

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BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus on studies that showed no effect on patient outcomes, will...
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CDC Confirms ‘Something Going Around’

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ATLANTA, GA – In a recent press briefing, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed reports that something has been going around.  Constance Bentley, a senior official at the CDC, stated, “We’re not sure...

Doctor Excited to Get New, Last Year’s People Magazine for Waiting Room

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NAPERVILLE, IL - Dr. Nyugen's waiting room will be packed when word gets out they have the country's most-recent People magazine.  "I'm trying it keep it a little under wraps right now," Dr. Ken...

Hypodilaudemia Epidemic Reaches Painful Proportions

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Health and Human Services reports this morning that there has been a recent spike nationwide in the condition known as hypodilaudidemia. Spokeswoman Dr. Penni Pinscher, DrPH addressed...
colon run a new scope

Inside Peak at Star Wars: A New Scope

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Gomerblog has got its hands on a leaked screenshot from the latest upcoming Star Wars standalone film.  Though little is known about the plot or who will be the main characters,...
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