HHS Announces New Crack Down on Illicit Cardiac Massage Parlors
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Officials from the Department of Health and Human Services Monday announced a joint operation with Departments of Homeland Security and the Federal Bureau of Investigation to crack down on illicit cardiac...
Mom Still Cleaning Up After Surgeon Son
NAPLES, FL - A recent phenomenon in an operating room (OR) at Mary Mother Hospital has caught quite the buzz. Dr. Roger Messi was going about his daily routine performing his third surgery when...
Conversation Starters While Scrubbing For Surgery with Your Attending
Scrubbing before surgery can be an awkward time for residents who have to spend up to 5 uninterrupted minutes standing next to an attending while you both wash your hands. Casual conversation can be...
Anesthesiologists Compare Arm Tans While Surgeon Repairs Penetrating Aortic Injury
ATLANTA, GA – As local trauma surgeon Dr. Andre Mackersie desperately tried to gain control of a massively exsanguinating abdominal aortic gunshot wound, the anesthesiologists on the other side of the sterile drape were...
Cardiothoracic Surgeon Consults IT, Tries Turning Heart Off Then Back On Again
Cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Richard White is always willing to collaborate with the health care team so he called St, Francis Hospital’s help desk today to ask for a consult on his difficult patient.
“Hi, tech...
Protamine Shortage Amid Strike at Salmon Sperm Acquisition Factory
DALLAS, TX - Add another to the list: protamine. This antidote to heparin is on national shortage and warnings are being issued to hospitals nationwide.
Protamine comes from the sperm of salmon. At the largest...
New Super Duper Minimally Invasive Transurethral Aortic Valve Replacement Gaining Popularity
NEW HAVEN, CT - Patients across the country are calling their doctors at all hours asking to be scheduled for the newest minimally invasive surgery, SuDMITAVR, which stands for Super Duper Minimally Invasive Transurethral...
Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest pain “like a human sitting on my chest,” with radiation...
Da Vinci on Quest to Rescue Princess Toadstool
WORLD 2-4, MUSHROOM KINGDOM - We have just received word that the Da Vinci Surgical Robot has embarked on a quest to save Princess Toadstool, as Super Mario remains in tough condition after a...
