Wednesday, July 15, 2020


Cardio Thoracic surgery satire articles

wallet aorta

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Hoping He Didn’t Leave Wallet in Guy’s Aorta

NEW YORK, NY - As cardiothoracic surgeon Timothy Carter sews his patient's sternum closed after successful repair of an ascending aortic aneurysm, he can't help but wonder if he might have left his wallet in...

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Consults IT, Tries Turning Heart Off Then Back On Again

Cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Richard White is always willing to collaborate with the health care team so he called St, Francis Hospital’s help desk today to ask for a consult on his difficult patient. “Hi, tech...

Nation’s Arteries Brace for Impact of Chipotle’s New Queso

SACRAMENTO, CA – Speaking at a press conference last Saturday, a local left renal artery expressed “grave concern” amongst itself and the billions of arteries & arterioles across the United States in response to...

Mom Still Cleaning Up After Surgeon Son

NAPLES, FL - A recent phenomenon in an operating room (OR) at Mary Mother Hospital has caught quite the buzz.  Dr. Roger Messi was going about his daily routine performing his third surgery when...

Most Popular Medical Questions of 2016 by State

2016 is complete, and we combed through the data at Google to find out what were the most popular medical questions asked by state (click the map to enlarge): What is New England's obsession with...

VA Success Story: Vietnam Vet Has Bamboo Shiv Removed

PHOENIX, AZ - Local Vietnam vet, Chuck Rhodes, was finally approved to see a doctor about getting a bamboo shiv removed that impaled his right chest during the war.  He applied through the VA for care...
Da Vinci, Bowser, Super Mario Bros

Da Vinci on Quest to Rescue Princess Toadstool

WORLD 2-4, MUSHROOM KINGDOM - We have just received word that the Da Vinci Surgical Robot has embarked on a quest to save Princess Toadstool, as Super Mario remains in tough condition after a...

General Surgeon Moves Clinic to Operating Room, Cites Excessive Patient Consciousness

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – Jacob Townsend, a 53-year-old general surgeon, has decided to permanently move his clinic to the operating room due to ongoing disruption from patient consciousness.  “Allowing my patients to talk about...

Conversation Starters While Scrubbing For Surgery with Your Attending

Scrubbing before surgery can be an awkward time for residents who have to spend up to 5 uninterrupted minutes standing next to an attending while you both wash your hands. Casual conversation can be...

Stryker Surgical Snacks, The Perfect OR Treat

DALLAS, TX – Stryker Surgical just released a new line bound to please every orthopedic surgeon, anesthesiologist, CRNA, OR nurse, surgical tech, and yes, even make the general surgeons happy too.  They’re called Stryker...