Sunday, May 31, 2020


Colorectal surgery satire articles

Bernie Sanders’ Hernia Likely Caused by Strain of Attempting to Lift Up Middle Class

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A source close to the colorectal surgeon who treated Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders for an abdominal hernia this week said the surgeon believes Sanders’ hernia was likely caused by the...

Hamburglar Diagnosed with Colon Cancer

MCDONALDLAND - In sad news today, the Hamburglar, who amused children for years with his antics and unstoppable desire for hamburgers, was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. This is yet another health setback...
rectal exam glove

Rectal Exam Nuisance: New Product Changing the Way We Look at Cheeks

MIAMI, FL - A new product by Telameto Corporation has emergency practitioners cheering for joy.  The inefficiencies of the rectal exam will quickly be history with the Guaiak Sleeve.  No more than half a...
gi scope

Dr. Oz’s Colonoscopy Reveals That He’s FOS

CLEVELAND, OH - After years of nauseating lies and verbal diarrhea, America’s leading medical quack Dr. Oz finally underwent a much needed colonoscopy today that revealed he is completely, unequivocally, and totally full of...
pot of coffee

Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools

LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The Voice coach Adam Levine.  Thankfully, all band members are in...

Recto-Retriever Approved for Personal Use

COLUMBIA, SC - Proctologic Inc. announces the release of its new product, the Recto-Retriever.  The Recto-Retriever is an amazing, thrilling, and versatile tool that boasts multiple uses in retrieving various objects from assorted body...
screening for cancer

TSA to Start Screening for Colorectal Cancer at Airports

ATLANTA, GA – U.S. government officials said on Thursday that they would start screening patients for unintentional weight loss and bloody stools, starting with Hartsfield-Jackson International (ATL) airport this coming weekend, in an effort...
obesity epidemic

Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale

ATLANTA, GA - In response to the public health crisis of food comas resulting from the ongoing obesity epidemic, the 3N Joint Task Force, which is comprised of several of the nation’s leading experts...
em physician

45-Year-Old EM Physician Reflects Back Upon 4.0 GPA in College While Manually Disimpacting Patient

PENDELTON, IN - Departmental Emergency Medicine Chief Dr. Glenn Henderson was seen staring off into space daydreaming on Monday morning, while digitally disimpacting a 90-year-old nursing home patient, Onis McBurgrontree of Pendleton, IN.  With his right index...

Medical Researcher Belatedly Realizes His Paper Was Published in The Anals of Internal Medicine

DES MOINES, IA – With dawning horror, local medical researcher Dr. Clint Malloy realized he had been mistaken to believe his recent paper was accepted to The Annals of Internal Medicine, when in fact it had...