Area LEGO Man Admitted with Bright Red Blocks Per Rectum
LEGOLAND, FL - An area LEGO man is in serious condition at LEGOLAND Medical Center after he presented to the emergency department (ED) with bright red blocks per rectum (BRBPR). "He had 3 episodes...
Doctor, Patient Miscommunicate: Doc Recommends Mayo Clinic, Patient Unfortunately Hears “Mayo Colonic”
ROCHESTER, MN—Patients don’t always comprehend what their doctors tell them whether it’s due to language barriers, hearing difficulties or the use of complex medical jargon by the doctor. Sometimes these miscommunications are harmless, sometimes...
Breaking: Gastroenterologist Thinks Patient is Full of Sh*t
COOKEVILLE, TN - A local gastroenterologist by the name of Baxter Jones completely shocked patient Mason Watts and his family when he flat out told them that Watts was simply full of sh*t.
"He told...
Recto-Retriever Approved for Personal Use
COLUMBIA, SC - Proctologic Inc. announces the release of its new product, the Recto-Retriever. The Recto-Retriever is an amazing, thrilling, and versatile tool that boasts multiple uses in retrieving various objects from assorted body...
Study: 90% Of Rectal Foreign Bodies Are Idiopathic
BIRMINGHAM, AL - A recent retrospective review of Birmingham, Alabama confirms that 90% of rectal foreign bodies are idiopathic. Colorectal surgeon Joshua P Dengle has spent the better part of the last decade removing...
Radiologist Reports His Dictations in Haiku Form
Dr. Gerald Wong, a veteran radiologist with 5 months before his retirement, was interviewed yesterday by E.J. Weekly on how his new style of reporting. Dr.Wong, leaning back on his chair, said "Frankly, I'm...
Hamburglar Diagnosed with Colon Cancer
MCDONALDLAND - In sad news today, the Hamburglar, who amused children for years with his antics and unstoppable desire for hamburgers, was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. This is yet another health setback...
Rectal Exam Nuisance: New Product Changing the Way We Look at Cheeks
MIAMI, FL - A new product by Telameto Corporation has emergency practitioners cheering for joy. The inefficiencies of the rectal exam will quickly be history with the Guaiak Sleeve. No more than half a...
Barium Enema Reveals Abnormal Presence of Barium in the Colon
NEW YORK, NY - An inpatient medical team was shocked to learn that a barium enema performed earlier today revealed an abnormal presence of barium in their patient's rectum, something no one...
Endangered VA System Named 60th U.S. National Park
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to preserve one of the United States' most endangered areas for future generations, President Obama signed a law making the Veterans Health Administration (VA) the 60th National Park...
