Friday, July 3, 2020

Surgery

Jesus Christ Himself Scheduled to Perform Miracle, Patient Furious with being NPO

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Mr. Jacobs’ primary team was thrilled when their hospital operator was finally able to get through to Jesus Christ regarding the miracle they were hoping to have performed on Friday. The patient was in...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

BREAKING: Ortho resident performs first uterine open reduction internal fixation

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PHILADELPHIA, PA: Orthopedic surgery resident Rob Abington was recently recognized by the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons for performing the first open reduction with internal fixation of a uterus. The patient was a 76-year-old woman...

New Hospital Beds Harder to Figure Out Than Acid-Base

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NASHVILLE, TN - Medical staff at Nashville Memorial Hospital are completely baffled by a new fleet of hospital beds on Unit 55-G, saying that it's without question easier to solve an acid-base...
abdomen

NIH Close to Uncovering Elusive Fifth Abdominal Quadrant

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BETHESDA, MD - Sensing a breakthrough is imminent, scientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have publicly announced they are indeed very close to uncovering the fifth abdominal quadrant.
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Cardboard Cutout of Medical Student Receives Honors in Surgery

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General Surgery is widely considered to be one of the most difficulty rotations in medical school. Many medical students strive to earn the coveted honors grade only to be bested by the grueling hours,...

The Difference Between a Pianist and a Penis

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In this series, Gomerblog delves deep into two things often mistaken for one another and helps sort out their differences in order to help us become better health care professionals and people....

ENT Docs Vote Unanimously to Drop the Nose, Will Only Treat Ear & Throat

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ALEXANDRIA, VA—In a move that has left many speechless, the board of directors of the American Academy of Otolaryngology (AAO) voted unanimously today to drop the nose, declaring it is no longer interested in...

Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam

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AUBURN, AL - Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow's rectal exam in the hopes he can pass. "This happens to...

Badass Surgeon Performs Whipple While in Tuxedo

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AUSTIN, TX - The bar for badassery has been raised a notch, so surgeons take note: veteran general surgeon Bob Cooper has just completed a successful 8-hour Whipple (or pancreaticoduodenectomy) while wearing...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Orthopods Reclassified as Bromo Sapiens

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In their first update in nearly two years, the American Taxonomy Society (ATS) has placed arthropods under their own genus, formally renaming them Bromo sapiens. "There's...
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