ANAHEIM, CA – Dr. Dan Abernath, known as the gastroenterologist to the stars, submitted a paper to Gastroenterology, describing a new advanced colonoscopy technique for difficult cases. While scoping the now world famous “twerker,” he was able to visualize the colon very easily.
“When your view becomes so difficult, and there are so many twists and turns, I suggest the twerk position,” the paper suggests.
Miley Cyrus, who is only 20-years old, is an unlikely colonoscopy candidate. After the VMAs, she went on a 38-hour twerk-bender and started to have abdominal pain. She was worried that “part of a foam finger could have been missing” and scheduled a colonoscopy.
“Didn’t see any foam finger pieces in there, but the bowel was all twisted! The colon was a mess, so many twists and volvuli. Was she put in a paint shaker?” He later warned about the dangers of twerking.
The eureka moment came as, Dr. Abernath describes “clicks and buzzes came on over the radio, with a choir of geese singing” when Miley got off the table and started to twerk. “I shouted ‘Restrain her! This is nearly impossible,’ but as I was saying it, I looked at the monitor and was able to reach around the corner to detangle the bowel.”
The song ended and Ms. Cyrus was standing still.
“Whoa what just happened?” Dr. Abernath asked.
“The song stopped,” Nurse Shannon reported. It was true, a recognizable melody was playing.
“Ok, what was playing previously?”
“Some Miley Cyrus Song.”
“Well, put it back on!”
Nurse Shannon took out her iPhone and played something that sounded like a dying canary singing to a beat. It was later confirmed to be a Miley Cyrus song.
“It doesn’t necessarily have to be a Miley Cyrus song, any beat that gets the patient up and shaking will work,” Dr. Abernath told reporters. “In her case she suffers from inner ear dysfunction and cannot make out sounds or tones appropriately.” He went on to describe how this new advanced colonoscopy technique will change the practice of Gastroeneterology.
When reporters asked Dr. Abernath how he obtained his masterful colonoscopy skills he responded, “Hours and hours playing the PlayStation 3 Colonoscopy video game.”
