COLUMBIA, OH – Dan Jennings, a pre-med student from Ohio St. University, was accepted into medical school at the prestigious Harvard University. He told his friends, family, and was even thrown a giant party by his parents. They had the party fully catered and hired a DJ to spin the latest tunes with the theme song for the evening “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.
“Oh, Dan’s party? That was off the hook!” Carl Hampton, a childhood friend of Dan, told reporters. “His parents were so proud of him. They spared no expense.” He later added that Dan said, “Harvard is the best medical school period” and that he constantly reminded guests that he would “never visit another doctor that graduated from any other school, they are just sub-par.”
Sources report that not only did Dan frame his acceptance letter, but he got a tattoo on his right shoulder of Harvard’s crest. He declined all his other acceptance offers and canceled all remaining interviews, ending most conversations with “I would never be seen near your school.”
About a week after graduation, Dan received a second letter from Harvard stating, “We regret to inform you that our previous correspondence was a clerical error. Your case is very unique. Another applicant with a similar name, Daniel Jennings, was awarded a spot in the class of 2015. We thought you were the baseball player for the Marlins. We urge you to re-apply in 2016.” The letter went on to say that this real life doppelganger was “more qualified” and “would represent Harvard University in a better light, especially since he was a professional baseball player.”
Naturally stunned, Dan plans to avoid family and friends for a while, and call every medical school he turned down earlier in the year to apologize and try to get a spot. It may be too late in the process with many bridges burned, and plan B would be to move to Cambridge and try to beat Marlin’s pitcher Daniel Jennings to matriculation day to steal his spot. Plan C: get an autograph.