DES MOINES, IA – With dawning horror, local medical researcher Dr. Clint Malloy realized he had been mistaken to believe his recent paper was accepted to The Annals of Internal Medicine, when in fact it had been published in The Anals of Internal Medicine, a magazine featuring a unique blend of clinical research and all-anal pornography.
“Oh no!” said Malloy, as he stared at the cover of the complementary copy of the magazine that had been mailed to him. “This isn’t… Oh crap.”
Rod Rogerer, chief editor of Anals IM, as it’s known in the industry, had nothing but praise for Malloy. “Dr. Malloy’s paper was an insightful analysis of long-term outcomes in the asthma population. Actually, our audience really enjoys a good academic paper to take in as a bit of a breather amidst all of the hard-core action. By the way, did you catch the Mindy Minx spread? Pretty hot, huh?”
Rushing to a nearby computer, Malloy searched PubMed for his name, to make sure had hadn’t made the same mistake previously. To his dismay, he found that he had no publications at all in PubMed. However, a Google search of “Malloy C” yielded 24 papers, which appeared in such academic porn journals as Thoraxxx, Current Opinion in Gynecology of Hot Coeds, and Chest: For The Breast Man.
“Well, at least I got accepted somewhere, right?” said a resigned Malloy. “Hopefully they won’t notice these little details on my CV.”
“Come to think of it, I should have known it was too good to be true when I had that one paper accepted by NEJM,” he added. “I was pretty surprised when it ended up in The New England Journal of MILFs.”
At press time, Malloy was relieved to learn that the impact factor of Anals IM dwarfs that of every major medical journal.