SACRAMENTO, CA – A ferocious yearlong battle over Proposition 46 will be decided in California at the polls this upcoming November. Proposition 46 includes proposals to drug test physicians, to raise caps on medical malpractice payments from $250,000 to $1,000,000, and to mandate checking narcotic prescriptions in an outdated and extremely inefficient state-operated computer system.
Trial lawyers were able to get momentum for this proposition by touting it as a patient safety bill while stealthily lumping in their true mission, making more money off of medical malpractice cases.
GomerBlog is now reporting that preliminary results of an investigation claiming that the lawyers who initiated Proposition 46 were in fact inebriated on alcohol with traces of ecstasy and cocaine in their systems during key meetings with legislatures.
“We have confirmed reports that 17 of the original lawyers who proposed Proposition 46 were wasted ‘beyond belief’ when they filed their motion at the courthouse,” said an anonymous courthouse security guard. “I overheard slurred speech and phrases like ‘taking candy from a baby’ and how ‘the public is so stupid that Prop 46 was a slam dunk.'”
The medical community is countering Proposition 46 with its own selfish motives, Proposition 47. Prop 47 includes drug testing all medical malpractice trial lawyers, capping lawyer hourly billing at $100/hr down from upwards of $800/hr billing for some lawyers, and forces malpractice lawyers to use old-school microfiche records in order to search for previous cases, all in the name of patient safety. Malpractice lawyers will also receive negative 4 points on all organ transplant lists for themselves if they should need an organ transplant.
This patient safety bill is also gaining traction.
Like a vicious chart battle between a new intern and a seasoned nurse, these propositions are starting to get out of control. The lawyers fired back by with Proposition 48 stating all patients now need a personal lawyer to attend all clinic and procedures with patients, just to make sure malpractice wasn’t occurring. This is being promoted as a patient safety issue for reading consents and maximizing malpractice lawsuits.
The new service will be billed at $250/hr and taken out of the physicians’ and nurses’ salary. To help pass the bill with the general public, this addendum was added to Prop 48 which touts the primary legislature as a bill making it illegal to use radioactive material (directly from a nuclear power plant) in children’s toys.
“Do you want your child to play, and god-forbid EAT radioactive material?” the ad states in a voice-over showing a nuclear power plant. “Then make it illegal by voting yes on Prop 48!”
Other ads say, “Ever been confused by all that legal mumbo jumbo at the doctor’s office? Vote Yes on prop 46 and Prop 48 to get a personal lawyer – at no cost to you – to help you.”
Critics clearly point out that it is because of lawyers that all that “mumbo jumbo” exists in the first place, and that this new law would create more of it, thus creating more legal paperwork and documentation.
“Doctors and nurses do not document enough,” an anonymous lawyer told GomerBlog. “If I had my way lawyers would treat the patients while doctors and nurses just sat and documented all day.”
This lawyer’s dream is closer than you think.
