Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult. What does that really mean? In the first of a two-part series, our GomerBlog translators will help break down what a certain provider or subspecialty means when they write down this phrase.
Anesthesiology
Translation: So this is what a non-sedated human being looks like?!
Any Consultant Who (1) Thinks a Consult is Stupid or (2) is Fielding the Consult Between 5 PM and 5 AM
Translation: (1) You suck, (2) I hate you for making me stay late, (3) I hate you for waking me up, or (4) I’m gonna get you back for this. Be warned: the consultant’s note will be quite passive aggressive. For example: an irritated infectious diseases consultant may not write “afebrile,” but instead write “not even febrile once.”
Any Medical Student
Translation: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I got to spent twelve hours with this patient and I learned so much! I’ll remember this forever and ever! Boy, I can’t wait to go home to read up on this one! Did I mention to say thank you?
Any Resident
Translation: WTF.
Cardiology
Translation: I’ve seen higher troponins. Cardiologists typically let out a giant yawn after fielding your consult.
Cardiothoracic Surgery
Translation: Why haven’t you called Cards or ID yet?
Dermatology
Translation: Please don’t call me on eczema ever again.
Emergency Medicine
Translation: Since when do I field consults and how on earth did you convince me to do this one?!
Endocrinology
Translation: I know you think it’s adrenal insufficiency, but it’s not adrenal insufficiency.
Gastroenterology
Translation: I can’t believe you let this guy eat. Make him NPO.
General Surgery
Translation: Haha, I can’t believe you let me get away with not being the primary team on this case! Sucker!
Hematology/Oncology
Translation: That peripheral smear really turned me on.
Hospital Medicine
Translation: Seriously, do you not know how to restart antihypertensive medications?
Infectious Diseases
Translation: Thank you for this interesting consult! These guys are cerebral and really do enjoy challenging cases. These guys are also socially awkward.
Nephrology
Translation: (1) Stop calling me on high potassiums due to hemolyzed samples or (2) Try fluids or diuresis; it’s one or the other.
Neurology
Translation: If I see one more pseudoseizure I swear…
Check out What “Thank You for the Interesting Consult” Really Means, Part 2
Looooove it! Derm could also often read, “How do you not know this is an outpatient problem”.
Had TWO pseudo seizure patients come in last week.
Love it!
I hope this was a resident/student or a janitor?? If not that person should not be a Dr.
Ameer Musa
One more for Psych ( had lots), ” thank you for” Depression “consult for 2-3 rd day after Alcohol intox patient; is it possible that he just hanged over and disphoric?!!”
General Surgery: For the tenth time this week, it’s an ileus, not a bowel obstruction.
General Surgery: For the tenth time this week, it’s an ileus, not a bowel obstruction.
For psych: thanks for yet another consult that the social worker could have handled!
For psych: thanks for yet another consult that the social worker could have handled!
Fantastic idea!
Fantastic idea!
This is hysterical!!!!!
Abdul Kader Tabbara
I like the general surgery one!
They left out psychiatry because we do not even want to fake being thankful for a consult!
So when are you going to ask for patient’s responses? I could give you a few!
So when are you going to ask for patient’s responses? I could give you a few!
That was great lol!!
Bisi Hollist
There should be a translation for private practice attendings: “thank you for allowing me to bill for this totally unnecessary consult. I plan to be completely useless but will follow anyway and write daily copy/paste notes until the patient is discharged or it becomes awkward”
Neurosurgery: yup, the MRI was a) positive b) negative c) pending but the patient does want surgery. Third case tomorrow.
Or…”Do you even know what we do?”
Preventive Medicine: How did you find out we exist?
Neuro, truth.
True story Medicine consult from Surgery: Hyperglycemia management in a patient on D10 fluids. Ummm step 1, D/C D10. Step 2, smack some common sense into the surgery resident.
I hope in part 2 you include psyche :) Best consults ever!
Jannet Alejandra Tobon figured youd find this amusing
haha love it!
This is hysterical!
Love it!
Bahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahahaha! This is so funny! I almost needed a urology consult reading this!
David Van Dyke Anna Berkenpas Ter Beek Tracy Norris Slager Sarah Reese Lickiss #funnynotfunny
Brandy Cooper Mosley Stephanie King Alisa Ruffner Brooke Wilder Knapp
Ah ha !! so now I know what you really think ;)
Oh how about gyn- woman 4weeks pregnant with vaginally bleeding. And her BHCG<2.
NOT pregnant!!! Menstruating.
Psychiatry: oh, wait, we don’t say that
Valerie Jorge CabreraDina AbdelwahabSherry MansourDennis MoledinaNadeen J. KhouryJuan Sebastian Calderon
If I see one more pseudoseizure, I swear….get an EEG and MRI.
Lol. #truth
Please need a rad onc one… This patient has been in the hospital for 20 days any on Friday at 4:45 PM he has brain mets.
Yep.
Haha!! This is so true:)))
Yeah, and every patient is a “very pleasant” gentleman or woman.
Lol
love it!
David Chambers
Jane Ly, sound familiar?
Patrick Jackson Parsha Dorriz
Dan Soule
roflmao
Matt Simmons when I read that, I thought of you and I was like, uhhhh HELL no. Lol
I should have gone into ID…
haha! :-)
Socially awkward? Me? Never…
Lol Jian didnt we talk about this a year ago?
:) we’re suckers…
Lol, the ID one Monica Jessica
Haha…… Kristen Bell, Matt Simmons, Anthony Parravani, Anthony Roda-Renzelli, Corbin Hodder, any truth to this?? Lol
Thanks for the RVU
Paul Thethi
not febrile even once Alex Nesbitt
Beata Rivard…I love the ID one!
Shelli Nally Shaw Robin Fitzgerald
Consult Gyn ….Vaginal bleeding, cyclically about once a month….is she under 12 or over 50…NO….PERIOD dumbass!!!!
this article forgot psychiatry: “That’s right, I’m not really going to do anything to get this patient discharged sooner.”
OMG…scaring my kids by how hard I was laughing.
my favorite 2AM WTF consult when I was a fellow: patient with bradycardia. HR is 50bpm. OK? Is he symptomatic? No, he is sleeping.
We have a Cardiologist who has trained his Dragon to transcribe “Thank you for this consult, I will follow closely” every time he says “Bullshit”.
Endocrine: It isn’t adrenal insufficiency, and your obese patient doesn’t have diabetes yet.
Wound Care… You called me for intact skin with blanchable redness again!
Seen it, done it, said it
Rachel Carty Moehlmann do you know who this sounds like? Lol.
:) for Peds- thank you for that interesting consult for chronic abdominal pain. 9 times out of ten -The child is full of poop.
Totally accurate. Totally. You really can’t effing start the patient’s home metoprolol?!
cracking up at these, thank you
Spot on!
And this is exactly why I will never leave EM: “Since when do I field consults and how on earth did you convince me to do this one?!”
LMAO!! Those last few were spot on!