Many, if not every single health care professional, woke up this morning before heading to work and checked to see if they won the latest Powerball. Not one single winner occurred in last night’s record-breaking drawing.
Workers currently at the hospital are reporting tearing up their tickets and placing them in bilious NG tube suction containers. One even sent their losing tickets in the pneumatic tube system followed by a quick punch to the system keyboard to randomly whisk the losing tickets somewhere, anywhere.
“Damn, looks like I’m going to head in this morning,” stated respiratory therapist Nancy Bipapkins. I am going to have to suction those thick secretions from Mr. Jones ET tube all day today after all, dammit.”
“I had even practiced my call in sick voice for today,” a coughing med-surgery nurse Tom Mallery detailed. “I practiced it pretty hard yesterday. You know what, I’m still going to call in sick today after all. Screw this hospital!”
Thanks to a fan for finding this wonderful representation of your losing lotto ticket below: