Glass Candy Bowl Filled with Assortment of Antibiotics, Steroids, and Narcotics Available at ER Triage Desk

HANOVER, NJ – Many might remember the ER that became famous in 2014 for placing a free bowl full of percocets in their waiting room, effectively cutting down on bogus ER visits by over 54%.  That same ER wanted to take their care to the next level by incorporating a bowl that would treat upwards of 80% of their patients in an efficient manner while obtaining patient satisfaction scores that would blow away even The Cleveland Clinic’s scores.

“We saw a dramatic decrease in ER patient admissions after implementing our now infamous free percocet bowl 2 years ago,” Dr. Runofsky, director of emergency medicine in Hanover NJ stated.  “The amount of time and resources we saved by not arguing with drug seekers was able to be spent on our trauma patients and patients with other life threatening illnesses. Also, our satisfaction scores improved dramatically which led to some incredible reimbursements.”

With changing times, Dr. Runofsky knew he had to modify the bowl to keep up with times. Runofsky saw even more potential to eliminate unnecessary ER visits and maximize satisfaction scores. “I came up with a new upgraded bowl that would mix in antibiotics and steroids with percocets.  Since implementing the new bowl on our triage desk, we have effectively cut down our ER visits by 82% with 4.9 stars on Yelp!”

One patient only had glowing remarks about the new program.  “First off, not having to wait was incredible.  Secondly, I know my body and I need antibiotics for this cough that I have and oral steroids work great on that rash I have in my groin.  Percocets were the icing on the cake, no literally, as I just celebrated my 30th birthday with a percocet cake. This is what I call patient centered care!”

FDA officials were originally concerned about the randomness of the mixture of pills in the bowl, but after testing multiple hand-grabs, the doses of antibiotics, narcotics, and steroids were all appropriate.  An FDA spokesman stated, “The dose mixtures appear safe and effective, and as long as patients are happy we don’t see any reason to stop the distribution.”

Others brought up concerns with allergic reactions to medications, but since the handfuls contain steroids, 99% of true allergic reactions are managed without the patients even manifesting symptoms.