RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – Healthcare professionals’ historic dominance of Olympic mouse-clicking events has continued as competition nears completion. Doctors, nurses, physician’s assistants, respiratory therapists, medical assistants, and physical therapists have swept all medals so far in sports involving the mind-numbing, repetitive clicking of a computer mouse.
Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, a south Florida Internal Medicine physician now dubbed “The Michael Phelps of Mouse-Clicking,” won an astonishing 8 mouse-clicking gold medals so far. “I’ve been in the zone,” said the master clicker. “Well… actually I’ve been zoning out. Years of formulaic, repetitive charting which made me question my will to live have given me such a natural advantage.”
Mouse-clicking events championed by Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram so far include:
- Synchronized Mouse-Clicking, in which various healthcare workers simultaneously click a computer mouse in unison
- Men’s Mouse-Clicking Relay, in which various healthcare workers take turns clicking a mouse
- Men’s Freestyle Mouse-Clicking Medley, in which healthcare workers mindlessly click mouses using different parts of their bodies, including their buttocks and heads.
- Men’s Sepsis Reassessment Encounter Template, in which healthcare workers document reassessment of a septic patient while hospital administrators antagonistically yell “DON’T WORRY – THIS WILL ONLY REQUIRE A FEW MORE CLICKS!” at the athletes
Most people regard healthcare workers’ dominance of mouse-clicking a stunning upset over software engineers, many of whom have openly proclaimed doping allegations against their victorious rivals. When contacted by Gomerblog, Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram responded “Those engineers ain’t got <expletive> on me! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to enter 24 hour restraint renewal orders into my awful EMR. It’s really not a big deal though — only a few extra clicks. Besides, at this point, I’ve stopped caring.”