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BOCA RATON, FL – The longstanding practice of anesthesiologists having to scratch surgeons in the operating room has now become codified into law.  Effective next month, anesthesiologists will face the threat of 5 years jail time and a $100,000 fine if they refuse to rub their fingernails against a surgeon’s body when commanded to do so. 

surgeon
“What is the blood pressure, and can you scratch my left cheek?”

Area anesthesiologist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibyankaram relayed his many qualms about this requirement to Gomerblog by telephone.  “I’ve been scratching surgeons at their beck & call for years, but now this has gone way too far.  I mean, I had a surgeon who demanded that I offer my scratching services to his groin area.  It was awkward, even with the use of a sterile scratching stick.”

Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibyankaram continued, “And things can get pretty hairy.  One time when I was working on a case with this same surgeon, a patient flatlined on the operating table, and I still had to simultaneously resuscitate the patient, scratch the surgeon’s left buttock, and manage the musical playlist for the entertainment of the surgeon.  It’s just too much.”

The surgeon, when contacted by Gomerblog to comment on these incidents, only offered the following statement: “I like bones.”

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