LANGLEY, VA – On the heels of recent revelations suggesting Russian hackers were involved in data leaks during the 2016 presidential election, the CIA has discovered that Epic, the electronic medical record giant, has been the latest victim of Russian cyber-crime.
Earlier today, health care providers logging into Epic were greeted with an image of Vladimir Putin glaring at them through the computer screen. There were also numerous images of a shirtless Putin standing suggestively in military fatigues.
“The extent of the hack has yet to be determined, but it does not appear that protected health information has been stolen,” announced CIA head John O. Brennan. “It seems the goal of the attack was to upload something called “Putin Theme” to the Epic servers.” Brennan continued, “From what we can tell, the EMR design template consists of images of Dictator Vladimir Putin in various stages of undress. It is not clear if the attack was perpetrated by a separatist faction of the Russian government or by a rogue individual who just really, really likes Vladimir Putin.”
After multiple requests, Epic CEO Judith Faulkner declined to comment on the breaking news. However, Epic did send out a press release with the following statement: “All of us at Epic are horrified by the recent cyber-attack and installation of the new ‘Putin Theme.’ We take great pride in our themes and do not approve of this new, dictator-based design. First of all, a shirtless Putin is distracting. Also, the color scheme is all off. Everything is so gray and drab. Our IT department is working on a new protocol of clicks that will permanently disable this hideous design. Thank you for your patience.”
