Samsung Galaxy Pager fire
Samsung Galaxy Pager fire
“This pager is the f**king worst!!”

DURHAM, NC – An internal medicine intern Becky Lambert is in critical condition today after her Samsung Galaxy pager overheated and exploded.  The incident occurred at 3 AM this morning following a sudden burst of pages.

“It was the perfect storm,” reports fellow intern Kim Gaines.  “[Lambert] had just admitted 6 patients within a 15-minute period.  Unfortunately, she forgot diet orders and PRN Tylenol for all of them.  The number of pages she got was like nothing I had ever seen.  I guess the Samsung Galaxy pager just couldn’t handle it.”

This is the first case of pager explosion for the beleaguered tech company since its Galaxy Note 7 phones began exploding earlier this year.  Jong-Kyun Shin, the CEO of Samsung, was shocked when he heard the news.

“We test our Galaxy pagers under the most extreme circumstances,” explained Shin, “including during the first week of July, 15 minutes after nursing shift change, and a simulated EMR failure.  How could this happen?!”

With Apple dominating the smartphone market with superior branding and technology, many current and former tech giants have ventured into the pager market to capitalize on their outdated and inferior technology.  In addition to Samsung, Motorola, Nokia, and Panasonic have all claimed a stake in the hospital pager market.  Companies claim the ability to “coast” with the stress of innovation is what makes the pager market so enticing.

“Pagers haven’t changed in 20 years,” says Shin.  “God willing, doctors will insist on using this archaic form of communication for years to come.  To be honest, I’m still surprised they’re still not writing progress notes with stone and chisel.”

Sources report that Nokia is planning to take advantage of Samsung’s misfortune by unveiling their new flip pager, which will make its way to hospitals in the spring of 2017.  At this point, consumers will be happy with any electronic device that doesn’t burn the user into a crisp.

Just ask Becky Lambert.

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