Bell Biv Devoe
Bell Biv DeVoe at the BET Presents: 2017 Soul Train Awards in Las Vegas, Nevada on November 5th 2017 at the Orleans Arena (Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com)

BOSTON, MA – After “sensing something strange in my mind” for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has officially confirmed with Gomerblog that the “situation is serious” and “that girl is poison.”  (“POISON!” one of his colleagues was heard saying in the background.)  Rigorous testing, with the assistance of the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, noted that “miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move, you’re dead.”  An effective antidote has yet to be developed, which is why Dr. DeVoe has been repeatedly pleading with Congress, “Let’s cure it ’cause we’re running out of time” and “Yeah mm mm it’s all so deadly.”  Asked what preventative measures might be taken, Dr. DeVoe said without hesitation, “If I were you I’d take precaution… Never trust a big butt and smile.”  For more information, Dr. DeVoe recommends visiting Dr. Mix-a-Lot’s medical blog.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.