radiologist reading
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radiologist reading

Dr. Gerald Wong, a veteran radiologist with 5 months before his retirement, was interviewed yesterday by E.J. Weekly on how his new style of reporting. Dr.Wong, leaning back on his chair, said “Frankly, I’m tired. It’s been 47 years of me sitting in this dimly lit room, talking into a microphone. I’m bored of counting lung nodules, and I want to do something different before I go off to enjoy my retirement in Bermuda in my nice, waterfront mansion. So I started writing haikus! It’s fantastic, you can’t imagine how wonderfully thrilling it is when I get a post op day 10 pelvic exenteration case and I need it fit report it in 17 syllables.

Bye! Bladder, Sigmoid
Hello! Free fluid, new collections.
Might want to drain them.

He grinned, and rubbed his hands together. “Now, my favorite haiku so far? Probably:

cholecystitis.
maybe she should lay off those
crispy chicken wings.”

“It’s nice and simple, and it gives a helpful suggestion rather than the vague ‘correlate clinically‘. Is it offensive? I don’t think so. I’m speaking the truth, but in a more beautiful form. Maybe there would be more DNRs if end of care discussions were done in a haiku form.” said Dr.Wong, thoughtfully.

“But let me tell you, in radiology, it’s not easy dictating haikus. Measurements are a real pain. They take up so many syllables but with such low yield”, moaned Dr.Wong. “I can’t get creative with my stone protocols! millimeter that, millimeter this, it takes up prime real estate in my poems!

nine millimeter
blocked stone. hydronephrosis
need lithotripsy.”

Urologists are all right though, so I try to help them. When I’m in a snarky mood, I refuse requisitions and write these back to gen surg.” He said with a mischievous grin. “I just get sick of their lousy surgeries and lousy anastomatoses leaking lousy collections for me to sort out. Plus I figure I’m speaking to their level.

can’t read your writing
you probably smell like poo
poo,poo,poo,poo,poo.”

The head of general surgery department refused our request for an interview.

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