On Friday afternoon, top gastroduodenopathologist Dr. Reedol D. Specimenz made a life-changing decision. “I wanted to try something new,” says the forty-four-year-old specialist, sipping a glass of Dom Perignon on the top deck of his private yacht. “I needed a change, something I’ve never done before. So, I made the decision. I was going to try being ‘nice’.”
Granted, the decision was a difficult one, but Monday morning found a new man strolling into Westchester General. “I almost didn’t recognize him,” said recent grad nurse Livvy D’Dream. “He actually smiled when he came in, and said good morning to his first patient.”
With this topsy-turvy personality twist, it’s no surprise that Westchester General was in chaos by midmorning. Damage reports we’ve since unearthed document that, on that one morning alone, Dr Specimenz smiled four more times, said ‘thank you’ twice, and only screamed at one group of medical students.
“That one time slipped through,” said Dr Specimenz, staring into his glass of Dom Perignon with a soulful gaze. “I guess old habits die hard. Hey, do we have any gin up here?”
Unfortunately, this brave soldier of humanity was ultimately unable to maintain his resolution. Less than twenty-four hours into his “trial of nice”, Dr Specimenz relapsed into his old ways, hanging up on three consultants, forcing four nurses to tears, and throwing coffee on an OBGYN resident who happened to be walking too slowly in front of him.
“The good life,” as Dr Specimenz calls it. “Nothing can compare.”