neurosurgeon
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In a surprising change in culture, the ACGME, in collaboration with the World Health Organization and several other human rights groups, have decided to cap neurosurgery resident hours to 80 hours per day. “We can’t expect residents to perform at 100% if they are continuously overworked. The antiquated days of never leaving the hospital are coming to an end,” group leaders stated.

neurosurgeonOf course, this came at the disdain of several older attendings. Dr. Grumpee, who has been practicing since the 1920s, vented, “How will these new trainees be expected to manage serious neurosurgical complications if they aren’t at the hospital literally every nanosecond of their lives?

These damn millennials have it too easy!” Program directors worry that the new lax rule may increase the time it takes to get jaded, and are concerned that the number of years for residency training may need to lengthen. “There is no way our younger colleagues can become numb to every brain-dead patient that comes to the emergency room when they’re on call if they’re only working 80 hours a day for 7 years. I anticipate residency programs may need to increase to 9 or 10 years of training to compensate,” one program director stated.

Residents who are affected by this rule are absolutely ecstatic. “I finally get a chance to eat, drink water, and *fingers crossed* maybe even sit for at least 5 minutes a day!” exclaimed Dr. Pryzoner, a PGY-3. Dr. Obli-Vious was equally as excited. “I haven’t seen my wife in a year, and she just had a kid one month ago, so I’m very excited to get a chance to spend time with her and my son and our friend John, who has been kind enough to help my wife around the house for the past year due to my work hours.”

ACGME has agreed to track patient outcomes over a 5-year trial period, but with the stipulation that confounding factors such as innate poor prognosis associated with neurosurgical patients may contaminate the numbers.

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