CHARLESTON, SC – The impending attending to attending conversation scheduled to hit the 6th floor this evening was recently upgraded to Category 5, bringing with it heavy opinions up to 20 inches and high winds. Many residents have evacuated, but some are hunkering down to “see how this plays out.”
Dr. Mark Benson, the on-call pulmonology fellow states “These conversations occur when a high pressure team system clashes with a low pressure team, resulting in rapidly escalating opinions and egos.” Benson warns residents to be safe, and recommends boarding up windows, but “not so much that you can’t get a good view.”
Housestaff are stocking up on provision to weather the conversation, and the hospital cafeteria reports critical shortages in coffee, doughnuts, and chicken wings. Some residents are looking into ordering delivery via helicopter if ground transportation is unreliable during the worse parts of the Category 5 conversation, while other simply plan to send the medical student.
To make matters worse, many residents are still recovering from the devastation wrought by the last conversation which happened only two weeks earlier. Overworked and understaffed, clean-up efforts have been minimal. “That cup of coffee I left outside of bed 213’s room last week is still there,” observed a passing internal medicine intern.
Ashley Wright MS3 and chief gunner of her class theorizes “The hospital climate has been growing increasingly hot-headed during the past few years, this mechanism leads to increased volatility and creates more conversation systems like the one you’re seeing here.” Fellow medical students simply stood and glared, as Ms. Wright had recently volunteered her team to stay and perform a Conversation Relief Concert, after their resident already said they could go home early.
More updates on developing situation to come.