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CHICAGO, IL – While out on his first date in years, Dr. Mike Doxycycline had a very awkward moment.  His date asked Doxycycline what he does for a living.  He replied, “I’m a pediatric radiologist.”

His date, who works in banking, was quite befuddled and asked for clarification.

Doxycycline then gave the worst possible answer.  “I look at pictures of kids in a dark room on a computer all day.”

His date promptly slapped Doxycycline across the face and stormed out.  Unfortunately, she also ousted him out as a sicko on Facebook, Craigslist, Instagram, Twitter, and Tinder before he could unfriend her.

“In retrospect, I should have described my job as ‘hedging diagnoses and recommending clinical correlation after reviewing two- and three-dimensional imaging studies of humans between birth and adulthood’ but I didn’t do it and now I’m lonely,” Doxycycline lamented.

Local pediatric urologist Dr. Derik Diewenga says he understands Doxycycline’s situation completely.  “The first time my now wife found out what I did, I was friend-zoned for a month straight.”

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Naan DerThaal
A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal
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