HOLLYWOOD, CA – Emergency room secretary Lois Mare won the nightly ETOH pool at Topanga Memorial Hospital last night. Her winning guess of 433 was the closest to the actual level from the lab’s result of 442 for patient George Trifecta, 23, who was brought in by paramedics at 2:33 AM.
“Every night we all throw five dollars into a pool and bet on the drunkest patient’s ETOH level of the night.” ER manager Annie Thomas explained. “Tonight was Lois’s night” said Thomas, whose guess of 398 came in 3rd place.
“The bars close at 2:00AM so the 19:00 to 03:30 shift gets hit the hardest with the drunks, so we tried to come up with a way to make the shift fun!” Thomas exclaimed. “Weekends we can get up to 10 drunks in throughout the night”.
“He was combative and talking nonsense so I knew he was pretty drunk” Mare was quoted as saying. Although she was heard to worry that Trifecta might be under the influence of drugs as well as alcohol. “When he asked Maria, his nurse, who was emptying his urinal for another Jack and Coke I knew I had him.”
Mare has been playing nightly for the last 2 years and had never won prior to last night although she explained that she’s “Been close” a couple of times. “John from x-ray seems to win every time, but he called in sick last night and I walked away with it!”
Social worker, Michael Sitter, left the usual A.A. literature in the passed-out patient’s belongings bag where it will go unread.
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