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A shocking series of events has left Salem Teaching Hospital in complete disarray. The issues began when third-year medical student Daniel Greene bluntly stated that he was “just not that interested” in his required general surgery rotation.

“I’ve always been more interested in internal medicine, and honestly, I don’t really like the lifestyle or subject matter that comes with the general surgery clerkship,” Daniel said in a later interview with the hospital’s Chair of General Surgery. “I’m happy to complete the rotation, I just prefer others.”

His incendiary remarks caused immediate repercussions throughout the hospital.

“I’ve been here 32 years, and every other medical student has told me that they love the rotation and are strongly considering becoming general surgeons,” said Dr. Eric Richards, a general surgeon at Salem Teaching Hospital. “The fact that anyone would make up lies about disliking general surgery… I don’t know if I can go back to work.”

Dr. Richards and several other surgeons have since staged a walkout to protest Daniel’s hurtful statements, and a subsequent joint memo they released gave further reasons as to why.

“Medical students have an amazing opportunity to come in at 4 AM and hold retractors for a variety of surgical cases. We don’t see how it’s possible to dislike this incredible role. Why would all the other students say they loved it if they didn’t? Daniel will certainly be getting a negative evaluation from us, which we hope will affect his medical record permanently.”

The Salem Teaching Hospital is conducting an internal investigation, but for the time being, they are requesting medical students continue to tell their attending physicians that they love whatever rotation they are on the most.

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