Everyone in the Hospital Knew Anesthesia’s Real Name All Along

With the COVID-19 outbreak, health systems worldwide are coming up with plans to maximize their resources in the face of this pandemic. With COVID-19 suspected of being droplet spread and the possibility of patients requiring long term mechanical ventilation, strategies for rapid airway securement are paramount. Many of the protocols call for the “most experienced person” to intubate the patient’s trachea. Traditionally, intubation was a hot topic between many specialties, all claiming to be very proficient in the skill. Apparently, a consensus has finally been reached.

ED attending Dr. Brock X. Rockclimber said, “When the Emergency Medicine Department heard that only the most experienced person should be exposed to this deadly disease, we knew our esteemed anesthesiologist, Dr. Thomas Ryan Xavier Smith-Jones was the only logical choice.”

Overhead pages are now, on average, 15 seconds longer as the operators call for COVID-19 Airway Support using the anesthesiologist’s full legal name and college nickname to summon them.

ENT surgeon Dr. Julia “Blue Rhino” Patel reported, “Oh, that whole ‘ENT docs are the masters of the airway’ thing was just a fun little joke. I have nothing but respect for anesthesiologist Dr. Sarah Ann Lynn Deborah Sally Waters-Lee and I know that she’s right person to take on this critical task.”