BRONX, NY – Nadia, a 4-year-old Amur tiger from the Bronx Zoo, who recently tested positive for COVID-19, has left the hospital against medical advice (AMA), per sources.

She was admitted last night to an undisclosed local New York hospital with cough, hypoxia, and a low-grade fever related to a since-confirmed coronavirus infection. However, upon being placed in a hospital room, she was immediately unhappy with being instructed to wear a mask, which she refused to do, before eating all of the personal protective equipment assigned to the room.

When confronted by hospital administration explaining how her behavior was a violation of the Code of Conduct, she allegedly roared at the patient relations representative and she then proceeded to lunge out the door and head for the staircase, the lobby, and eventually outside of the hospital. Documentation indicates that she refused to sign AMA paperwork.

She was last seen walking in the general direction of Central Park. Luckily, all passerbys have been exhibiting a remarkable amount of social distancing, far greater than the recommended 6 feet of distance.

Authorities are confident that she will return if promised several lamb carcasses and a course of “tiger-strength” hydroxychloroquine.

Milli of Dilli
After picking up the basics of medicine by watching TV shows, I moved to LA, forged a medical school diploma, and somehow found some success in the late 80’s as an event physician for major Hollywood events. However, it all came crashing down while working the 1990 Grammy awards. While “Girl You Know it’s True” was being played live, a stagehand went into cardiac arrest and I was called upon to help. Unfortunately, as I tried to lip-sync CPR instructions, the speaker on my cassette player stopped working and I was exposed for a fraud. After serving time in prison, I went to medical school and residency and I finished training to become an Emergency Medicine physician. Instead of using this training and knowledge for good, I decided to abuse it to become a professional drug seeker. Armed with advanced medical knowledge, my quest remains to go from ED to ED searching out the drug seeker’s Holy Grail: syringes filled with 1mg of hydromorphone, the so-called “Milli of Dilli.” While I am not drug seeking, I have decided to write medical satire posing as a typical First World emergency physician. My website, with my other satirical articles that did not make it into Gomerblog, can be found at http://www.firstworldem.com and my twitter handle is @firstworldem