Dr T.K. Anderson, chief of orthopedics at Salter & Harris Memorial Hospital made a stunning announcement in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic. “We would like to announce a temporary truce with several other departments and halt this turf war while so many in our country are struggling,” Dr Anderson said during a press conference from the hospital.
“It is time that all services come together to fight for a common cause,” he said. He went on to explain that during a time of strained resources, it didn’t make sense to carry on a war with the “podiatry punks”, “plastics posers”, and “neurosurgery nerds”.
“We want to do our part to not put extra burden on the system. The hospitalists don’t have time to manage our medically complex post-op patients on 20mg of lisinopril. And what the heck is a plastic surgeon doing working on bone anyway? Even the bones in the hand are made out of bone- not plastic.”
Dr Anderson also commented on the stoppage of elective surgeries. “Anesthesia is currently busy managing COVID-19 patients so they aren’t there to push Ancef, make sure our patients are adequately paralyzed during our surgeries, and take the blame for everything that goes wrong.”
So with all of this free time, what will the local orthopods do? “Well, I became inspired by Dr Leegament who recently started a BroFundMe for COVID-19 and also a trial on PRP which seems to be very successfully combating COVID-19. So while we aren’t replacing joints, fixing ACL’s, and scoping shoulders, I figured we could do some research too. We are seeking approval to begin a trial looking at Ancef, Vancomycin, and Tranexamic Acid cocktails for treating COVID-19.”
The Stryker rep is sure that it will be a success,” Dr Anderson said excitedly. When reached for comment, local podiatrist Dr Tina Pedis said that she was excited about the prospects of getting to fix an ankle fracture without an orthopedist crying about it.