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New York, New York- In an exciting turn of events congress has recently passed bill 151, also known as “the ghost law”. After much heated deliberation with strong consideration from physicians from petitions, bill 151 was voted on unanimously!

What is bill 151? Bill 151 or “the ghost law” allows physicians to terminate a patient in their practice at any time, without any warning and face no legal consequences from doing so. “Social media has really been embedded into our society” said Judd Dredge J.D., a legal representative who helped passed bill 151.

“Medicine needs to get with the times and get with how people talk and interact. We wanted to do away with “firing a patient” as patients did not like that terminology… it was if they were employers for the physician. Instead, a physician can now “ghost” a patient… and as we predicted, patients are much more receptive to this!”

How does Bill 151 work? Bill 151 goes into effect immediately and basically puts all the power in the physician! If they do not like a patient, they just avoid seeing the patient by any means. Dr. Phan Tom, one physician who advocated strongly for this bill had this to say: “this bill will make the doctor-patient relationship that much better. Instead of filling out mountains of paper work and still seeing a patient for 30 days, we just ghost them. If they show up for an appointment, my nurse will triage them and I just never enter the room.

Eventually, I get my nurse to tell them “the doctor can’t make it” or “he is feeling sick, sorry”. Or if they call or use the patient portal, I just won’t answer, nor do I need to. I might however call or message them back and tell them “I have been really really really busy…. sorry but we will catch up soon.” I tell you, it really makes my life easier!”

What do physicians think about it? Physicians are rejoicing nationwide. Instead of dragging their feet explaining for the 15th time that their poorly compliant diabetic needs to take their medications, the physician can just choose not to see them. One physician, who did not want to be named said: “I think it is awesome, especially for physicians that get their feelings hurt! I used to get sad when I found out one of my patients was ALSO seeing another physician across town… I am no ones second choice…so I just ghosted the patient because I don’t need that in my life!”

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Italian Stallion
A retired gladiator and pupil of Galen, the Italian Stallion’s claim to fame was performing the successful lipoma removal using nothing more than a gladius. Hailing from the southern regions of Italy, Italian Stallion finds verbal language a waste of time and communicates best with his hands. Although weary of combat, he still finds time to take up arms against high a1cs, hypertension and hyperlipidemia. In his spare time he can be found weight lifting, playing video games or playing cards.