BOCA RATON, FL – Yesterday evening, staff hospitalist Dr Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was called by the Madre De Díos Hospital ER to admit a patient with the chief complaints of “fevers, Netflix & chills.” Karter Smith, age 25, had subjectively experienced elevated temperatures while binge-watching “Breaking Bad” episodes with a woman he referred to only as “bae.”
“Bruh, sorry not sorry, it was totes cray cray. I mean, I can’t even. We were turnt and right near the end of season 3. Then I thought to myself yolo, so I decided to put a move on her with the yawning technique which let me wrap my arm around her shoulder,” recalled Mr. Smith. As soon as the patient decided to turn the evening from ‘Netflix-No-Chill’ to ‘Netflix-AND-Chill,’ “bae started throwing shade” at him and then he felt “all hot and bothered, bruh.”
Dr Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, when contacted by Gomerblog, said “I’ve never seen a case like this before. I checked all my medical reference resources, and they mentioned only a few sporadic cases of Netflix being associated with chills, most notably in the millennial demographic. But I have not found any case reports of Netflix and chills being associated with a febrile illness. I pray that this doesn’t turn into yet another epidemic.”
The patient’s constellation of symptoms has baffled infectious diseases consultants, who have now contacted the Center for Disease Control for assistance. Gomerblog can report that, after Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayanlaram performed a lumbar puncture, patient Karter Smith was transferred to the ICU where he is now receiving a Dilaudid infusion because “it’s the only thing that works, bruh.”
