TAMPA BAY, FL – Immediately after signing a 2-year deal worth $50 million with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 6-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady successfully trademarked “TB x TB x TB” with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO).

“Tom Brady. Tampa Bay. Tuberculosis. It’s perfect really,” explained coach Bruce Arians, who is currently PPD negative. “I never thought the three could unite. I can’t underscore how much I look forward to working closely with Tom.”

Brady’s agent learned earlier today that the trademark application had been approved by the USPTO, which effectively gives them the green light to use “TB x TB x TB” on merchandise such as T-shirts, jerseys, hats, N95 respirators, home oxygen, rifampin, isoniazid, pyrazinamide, and ethambutol.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.