Diagnostic Win: COVID-19 Test Comes Back Positive, Negative, and Indeterminate

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NEW HAVEN, CT - A patient and her inpatient medicine team at Yale Medical Center are relieved to report that her nasopharyngeal swab for...
vaccines

COVID-19 Vaccine: Frequently Asked Questions

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What are the ingredients in the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine? The ingredients include mRNA, lipids, sodium chloride, potassium chloride, sucrose, black pepper, rosemary, and sage. How is the...

Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart

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THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth....
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Supply of ICD-10 Codes for COVID-19 “Dangerously Low”

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ATLANTA, GA - Just when the situation couldn't get any more dire for health care professionals on the front line, the Centers for Disease...
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COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days

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NEW YORK, NY - First, Italy went on lockdown. Then March Madness was canceled; the NBA and NHL suspended their seasons. Now...

Concerning: August Intern Asks ‘What’s Covid?’

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MIAMI, FL - August medicine intern Austin Moss asked his attending on rounds, "What's Covid?" Residency program leadership has already been alerted to...
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FDA Studying Bicarb in Treatment of Coronavirus

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Desperate times call for desperate measures. Numerous drugs are being studied in the treatment of novel coronavirus, but the Food...
toilet paper

Preserve Toilet Paper: CDC Strongly Recommends Against Defecation

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has updated its COVID-19 guidelines, stating it recommends strongly against defecation, this in...

Damn It! All U.S. COVID-19 Samples Coming Back Hemolyzed

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ATLANTA, GA - Just when there was a glimmer of hope that we might finally make some progress with the diagnostic testing of patients...
toilet paper

FDA Recommends Americans Reuse Toilet Paper

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a...