90% of Healthcare Workers Unaware N95 Has Eroded into Their Skull
LOS ANGELES, CA - A recent survey found that 90% of healthcare workers in the UCLA Health system were unaware that their N95 masks...
Da Vinci Will Be Key in Defeating COVID-19, Says No One
CHICAGO, IL - "Da Vinci will be key in defeating COVID-19," says no one in response to the United States' current uphill battle against...
COVID-19: U.S. Surgeon General Caught Hoarding All of Nation’s Masks
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Just two weeks after he wisely tweeted "Serious people- STOP BUYING MASKS!" in an effort to prevent a shortage of masks...
Med Students to Get Vaccine After General Population, Cacti, Humpback Whales
ATLANTA, GA - Commenting their status as backline healthcare workers, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has recommended medical students get vaccinated...
Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears
Somewhere, AL – Brock Hammersley has been very concerned as he has watched the Coronavirus spread across the globe. “To be honest, my biggest fear...
Breaking: Earth’s Inner Core Tests Positive for Coronavirus
LONDON, ENGLAND - Earth's inner core has tested positive for the novel coronavirus, Gomerblog reports.
This is grave news for those holding hope that coronavirus...
FDA Recommends Americans Reuse Toilet Paper
WASHINGTON, D.C. - It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a...
Nation to Vote on Which Celebrity to Sacrifice to COVID19 Gods
Who will you vote to eliminate; Miley Cyrus, Malone Post, Kanye West, or all of the Kardashians? All we know is that even if it doesn't stop the virus, America still wins!
COVID-19: Anesthesia Amazed They Haven’t Been Blamed for Any of This
SCHAUMBURG, IL - Pandemic coronavirus, COVID-19. Hundreds of thousands infected. Sports suspended. Nations on lockdown. Social distancing. Markets crashing....
U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”
TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate...