Breaking: Man Flu Caused by COVID-19
BETHESDA, MD - In a major scientific breakthrough, researchers at the National Institute of Health have uncovered that man flu is both real and...
COVID-19: Derm Braces for Surge in Dry, Cracked Hands
SEATTLE, WA - As a result of a marked uptick in handwashing by the American public in response to pandemic coronavirus, dermatologists across the...
U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”
TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate...
CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control &...
COVID-19 Tips: What to Do When No Facemasks Are Available
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has delineated initial steps on what to do when no N95 respirators or facemasks are available,...
COVID-19: ACGME Redeploys Interns to Check on Healthcare Workers’ Parents
CHICAGO, IL - The Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) announced that interns will no longer see patients not only to preserve personal...
Damn It! All U.S. COVID-19 Samples Coming Back Hemolyzed
ATLANTA, GA - Just when there was a glimmer of hope that we might finally make some progress with the diagnostic testing of patients...
Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding
BOSTON, MA - Clinicians, be alert: A new study in the New England Journal of Coronavirus has found that a physical exam finding known...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak...