Breaking: Covid-19 found in toilet paper

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Cleveland, OH - Cleveland Clinic has developed a better and faster coronavirus test. With better testing available scientists have not only tested people but...

COVID-19 Solution: In Event of Vent Shortage, Med Students Will Bag Indefinitely

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CHANTILLY, VA - In the unfortunate but very possible event a surge of COVID-19 hospitalizations leads to a shortage of ventilators, the American Medical...

Heaven & Hell in Lockdown After Both Test Positive for COVID-19

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HEAVEN ABOVE & HELL BELOW - Bad news for those who think that life after death will finally grant a reprieve from the viciously...

COVID-19: Lady Liberty Shelters in Place on Liberty Island

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NEW YORK, NY - Heeding the warnings of local public health officials regarding pandemic COVID-19, the Statue of Liberty will shelter in place on...
bicarb-only sodium bicarbonate

FDA Studying Bicarb in Treatment of Coronavirus

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Desperate times call for desperate measures. Numerous drugs are being studied in the treatment of novel coronavirus, but the Food...
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CDC Recommends Against Rolling Around Naked with Coronavirus-Positive Patient for Hours on End

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ATLANTA, GA - In updated guidelines just published on its website, the Centers of Disease & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends against rolling around naked...
vaccines

Breaking: Healthcare Workers Experiencing Hope as Side Effect of COVID-19 Vaccine

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ATLANTA, GA - The most common side effect or adverse reaction healthcare workers are experiencing after the first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine...

Nation to Vote on Which Celebrity to Sacrifice to COVID19 Gods

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Who will you vote to eliminate; Miley Cyrus, Malone Post, Kanye West, or all of the Kardashians? All we know is that even if it doesn't stop the virus, America still wins!
davinci robot

COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day

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BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have...
toilet paper

Preserve Toilet Paper: CDC Strongly Recommends Against Defecation

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has updated its COVID-19 guidelines, stating it recommends strongly against defecation, this in...