U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”
TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate...
FDA Studying Bicarb in Treatment of Coronavirus
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Desperate times call for desperate measures. Numerous drugs are being studied in the treatment of novel coronavirus, but the Food...
COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) says they're not trying to be curt but if we can't deal with...
COVID-19: Orthopods to Flatten the Curve with Mallets
ROSEMONT, IL - Concerned that current measures aimed at mitigating the spread of pandemic coronavirus in the United States are not aggressive enough, our...
CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control &...
CDC Issues Strong Recommendation to “Lick a Stranger” to Combat COVID-19
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers’ for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued an unprecedented late-breaking public announcement on the novel COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak:
COVID-19 is a...
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: ‘Rona Version
'Twas the night before Christmas, a week after my first dose of vaccine,
The in-laws came to visit, when they should be quarantined!
I ducked...
CDC Recommends Swabbing All Orifices Simultaneously for COVID-19
ATLANTA, GA - In an effort to improve diagnostic yield and address the issue of false test results both positive and negative, new guidelines...
COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations
ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers...
90% of Healthcare Workers Unaware N95 Has Eroded into Their Skull
LOS ANGELES, CA - A recent survey found that 90% of healthcare workers in the UCLA Health system were unaware that their N95 masks...