Heaven & Hell in Lockdown After Both Test Positive for COVID-19
HEAVEN ABOVE & HELL BELOW - Bad news for those who think that life after death will finally grant a reprieve from the viciously...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak...
Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19
GOTHAM CITY - Less than two years after he was hospitalized for pulmonary histoplasmosis, Batman has bounced back to Gotham City Medical Center...
Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious...
Study: Cure for Covid-19 Likely in Same Vortex or Alternate Dimension Containing Missing Pens
BOSTON, MA - A landmark, peer-reviewed study published earlier today in the New England Journal of COVID-19 suggests that the cure for novel coronavirus,...
U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19
CHICAGO, IL - The NBA suspended its season when its first player tested positive for COVID. American public schools closed when its first...
COVID-19: Congress to Send 1,000 Pills of Xanax to Every American
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump is expected to approve a new bill sent from Congress that will provide every American citizen 1,000 pills of...
CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter
ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
Diagnostic Win: COVID-19 Test Comes Back Positive, Negative, and Indeterminate
NEW HAVEN, CT - A patient and her inpatient medicine team at Yale Medical Center are relieved to report that her nasopharyngeal swab for...
CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control &...