Damn It! All U.S. COVID-19 Samples Coming Back Hemolyzed
ATLANTA, GA - Just when there was a glimmer of hope that we might finally make some progress with the diagnostic testing of patients...
Study: Cure for Covid-19 Likely in Same Vortex or Alternate Dimension Containing Missing Pens
BOSTON, MA - A landmark, peer-reviewed study published earlier today in the New England Journal of COVID-19 suggests that the cure for novel coronavirus,...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak...
Med Students to Get Vaccine After General Population, Cacti, Humpback Whales
ATLANTA, GA - Commenting their status as backline healthcare workers, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has recommended medical students get vaccinated...
COVID-19 Vaccine: Frequently Asked Questions
What are the ingredients in the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine?
The ingredients include mRNA, lipids, sodium chloride, potassium chloride, sucrose, black pepper, rosemary, and sage.
How is the...
Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns
INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION - Due to justified concerns about their own immune systems, an alien race has decided to postpone their plans for a...
Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding
BOSTON, MA - Clinicians, be alert: A new study in the New England Journal of Coronavirus has found that a physical exam finding known...
CDC recommends Dr. Oz wear “Duct Tape Mask” to slow down false information
Atlanta, GA - CDC released new guidelines Thursday which includes a "Duct Tape Mask" for Dr. Oz to wear. "These new guidlines should...
U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19
CHICAGO, IL - The NBA suspended its season when its first player tested positive for COVID. American public schools closed when its first...
COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) says they're not trying to be curt but if we can't deal with...