In Last-Ditch Effort, Federal Reserve Gives Crashing U.S. Stocks 1 Amp of Bicarb

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NEW YORK, NY - In a truly last-ditch effort to prevent U.S. stocks from crashing, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has asked...
ventilator

CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators

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ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control &...

Diagnostic Win: COVID-19 Test Comes Back Positive, Negative, and Indeterminate

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NEW HAVEN, CT - A patient and her inpatient medicine team at Yale Medical Center are relieved to report that her nasopharyngeal swab for...

BREAKING: Urgent Care Owners Losing Money Lie in Attempt to Regain Income

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Bakersfield, CA - Two physicians who don't actually work in Emergency Rooms or at real hospitals have recently made waves with a youtube video...
toilet paper

FDA Recommends Americans Reuse Toilet Paper

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a...

COVID-19 Tips: What to Do When No Facemasks Are Available

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The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has delineated initial steps on what to do when no N95 respirators or facemasks are available,...

CDC recommends Dr. Oz wear “Duct Tape Mask” to slow down false information

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Atlanta, GA - CDC released new guidelines Thursday which includes a "Duct Tape Mask" for Dr. Oz to wear. "These new guidlines should...

Med Students to Get Vaccine After General Population, Cacti, Humpback Whales

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ATLANTA, GA - Commenting their status as backline healthcare workers, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has recommended medical students get vaccinated...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter

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ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

COVID-19: Anesthesia Amazed They Haven’t Been Blamed for Any of This

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SCHAUMBURG, IL - Pandemic coronavirus, COVID-19. Hundreds of thousands infected. Sports suspended. Nations on lockdown. Social distancing. Markets crashing....