COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days
NEW YORK, NY - First, Italy went on lockdown. Then March Madness was canceled; the NBA and NHL suspended their seasons. Now...
Da Vinci Will Be Key in Defeating COVID-19, Says No One
CHICAGO, IL - "Da Vinci will be key in defeating COVID-19," says no one in response to the United States' current uphill battle against...
Heaven & Hell in Lockdown After Both Test Positive for COVID-19
HEAVEN ABOVE & HELL BELOW - Bad news for those who think that life after death will finally grant a reprieve from the viciously...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have...
An Orthopaedic Surgeon Explains Coronavirus
Globogym Headquarters, CA – All rights dudes and dudettes, this Coronavirus is treating the world the way Busch Light treats gas station toilets. So...
COVID-19: Derm Braces for Surge in Dry, Cracked Hands
SEATTLE, WA - As a result of a marked uptick in handwashing by the American public in response to pandemic coronavirus, dermatologists across the...
CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter
ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
COVID-19: Orthopods to Flatten the Curve with Mallets
ROSEMONT, IL - Concerned that current measures aimed at mitigating the spread of pandemic coronavirus in the United States are not aggressive enough, our...
Study: Cure for Covid-19 Likely in Same Vortex or Alternate Dimension Containing Missing Pens
BOSTON, MA - A landmark, peer-reviewed study published earlier today in the New England Journal of COVID-19 suggests that the cure for novel coronavirus,...
Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns
INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION - Due to justified concerns about their own immune systems, an alien race has decided to postpone their plans for a...