In Last-Ditch Effort, Federal Reserve Gives Crashing U.S. Stocks 1 Amp of Bicarb

0
NEW YORK, NY - In a truly last-ditch effort to prevent U.S. stocks from crashing, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has asked...

Nation to Vote on Which Celebrity to Sacrifice to COVID19 Gods

0
Who will you vote to eliminate; Miley Cyrus, Malone Post, Kanye West, or all of the Kardashians? All we know is that even if it doesn't stop the virus, America still wins!
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days

0
NEW YORK, NY - First, Italy went on lockdown. Then March Madness was canceled; the NBA and NHL suspended their seasons. Now...
used speculum tongue depressor

Habit, I Guess: OB/GYNs Accidentally Swabbing Vaginas for COVID-19

0
ATLANTA, GA - The novel coronavirus hasn't even peaked and emergency room personnel are already overwhelmed. In an act of goodwill, everyone is...
blue hospital sign hospital signs

U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19

0
CHICAGO, IL - The NBA suspended its season when its first player tested positive for COVID. American public schools closed when its first...

COVID-19 Study: 90% of Americans Said “But I Feel Fine” Before Testing Positive

0
BETHESDA, MD - In a new study published in the Diary of the American Medical Association (DAMA), researchers found that 90% of U.S. patients...

Orthopaedic Surgeons Attempting to “Re-learn” ICU Things 🤦‍♂️

0
San Diego, CA - In light of the ongoing COVID19 Pandemic, physicians of all walks of life are preparing to be called upon to...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations

0
ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers...
Batman Histoplasmosis

Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19

0
GOTHAM CITY - Less than two years after he was hospitalized for pulmonary histoplasmosis, Batman has bounced back to Gotham City Medical Center...
santa claus stuck

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: ‘Rona Version

0
'Twas the night before Christmas, a week after my first dose of vaccine, The in-laws came to visit, when they should be quarantined! I ducked...