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MIAMI, FL – August medicine intern Austin Moss asked his attending on rounds, “What’s Covid?” Residency program leadership has already been alerted to this major red flag.

“I keep hearing about this Covid. Like, it keeps coming up over and over again since maybe February but I haven’t really taken the time to figure out what it is everyone’s talking about,” Moss confided to his team. He would’ve noticed all of their jaws dropped to the floor if not for their masks. “Every patient of mine today asked if I have Covid, do I have Covid. So, what’s Covid? Is that a Miami thing? I’m not originally from here. By the way, why are we all wearing masks?”

“July and August interns are generally clueless, it’s expected,” explained Dr. Erika Hill, the internal medicine attending on Austin’s team. “But this just takes it to a new level. I mean, wow.”

Program leadership is leaning towards sending Moss home for a two-week quarantine, not because he is symptomatic with coronavirus, but to protect his patients and allow him to “read up” and “catch up, big time.”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.