aorta

Skilled Phlebotomist Draws Blood from Aorta

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NASHVILLE, TN - Warned ahead of time that the patient was a notoriously difficult stick, madly-skilled phlebotomist Mattie Stevenson pulled off a neat little trick and successfully drew blood from the patient's ascending aorta. "I...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Washing Hands for 30 Minutes Before, After Each Patient Encounter

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ATLANTA, GA - Stating that health care professionals can do more to prevent the spread of germs, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) recommends that health care professionals wash their hands for...
joint commission

Joint Commission Loses Accreditation After Failing Joint Commission Survey

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL – When Mark Chassin MD was named the CEO of The Joint Commision (TJC), he knew he wanted to lead by example. “As the head of an organization that enforces some of...
chapped lips hot mess express

Patient Formally Diagnosed as Acute on Chronic Hot Mess

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SANTA FE, NM - After a battery of laboratory tests, radiographic imaging, and subspecialty consultations, a team of health care professionals has formally diagnosed their medically complex patient as an acute on chronic hot...

Millions of Millennials Hospitalized in ICUs with White Claw Withdrawal

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CHICAGO, IL - A nationwide shortage of White Claw Hard Seltzer has led to an unprecedented surge in hospitalizations, with millions of millennials being admitted to intensive care units (ICUs) with life-threatening White Claw...
overpenetration underpenetration

#Damnyouautocorrect: Radiologist Diagnoses ‘Cardi B Lines’ on Chest X-Ray

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HOUSTON, TX – A hilarious error has made headlines in Texas recently, when a routine chest X-ray was dictated and reported to have an unprecedented diagnostic finding. This particular X-ray was taken to evaluate...

Contact Precautions Stethoscope Will Be Replaced With Drawing of Stethoscope

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CHARLESTON, SC - In an effort to cut down on cost and auscultation, hospitals are deciding to change to a illustrated picture of a stethoscope. "This is much better," Harris Sumfeld told reporters. Mr....
nurses station

Study Finds No Nurses Station Exists With 1:1 Ratio of Computers to Chairs

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BOSTON, MA - A landmark study published in the Just-Like-New England Journal of Medicine has confirmed that no nurses station in any health care facility across this country has a 1-to-1 ratio of computers...
G-tube G-spot

The Difference Between A G-Tube & The G-Spot

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GomerBlog returns to help distinguish between two similar but often confused entities. The "G" in G-tube refers to "gastric" or "gastrostomy." A G-tube is a type of feeding tube in which a tube is...