notes rounding

Surgeon General Consults Hospitalist General for Medical Management

0
WASHINGTON, DC - In breaking news, Gomerblog has received word today that the Surgeon General of the United States Vivek Murthy has consulted the...
iv flush

Exciting New Treatment for ‘Status Dramaticus’ Released Today by the FDA and NIH

0
BETHESDA, MD - Breaking news today from the FDA and NIH researchers in Bethesda,  MD.  A new treatment for Status Dramaticus (SD) has been...
dermatologist

After Violating Work-Hour Minimums, Derm Residency Program on Probation

0
ST. LOUIS, MO - The Dermatology Residency Program at Washington University at St. Louis has been placed on probation after it was discovered that...

Dr. Clinton Gets Away with Wearing Pantsuit in OR

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A shocking story coming from Bethesda Medical Center, where Hillary Clinton has been wearing a pantsuit in the operating room.  She refuses...
ventilator

Ventilator More Effective When Connected to Endotracheal Tube

0
KEARNEY, NE - It was a close call for Kind Humanitarian Hospital's Dr. Dan G. Ross of when his ventilated patient started to desaturate....
stubborn patient

Patient Looks Forward to Getting Admitted & Refusing Everything a Hospital Can Offer

0
ATLANTA, GA - For the third time this month and tenth time this year, Jason Reynolds, a 54-year-old male with epic levels of noncompliance,...
need coffee

Crisis Brewing as Unit 61’s Coffee Machine Broken

17
SEATTLE, WA - A huge crisis is brewing at Arabica Medical Center this morning as medical staff have discovered that the hospital’s best coffee...
excited woman

Physician Signs Out Patient Census and Pager, Has Slight Orgasm

23
ORLANDO, FL - After having one of the toughest weeks in her professional career as a hospitalist during which she had a census of...
north korea hackers

North Korea Hacks ER Pyxis Machines Nationwide, Renders Them Unable to Dispense Dilaudid

50
WASHINGTON, DC - The White House has announced that North Korea has successfully hacked yet another electronic staple of American life – the drug-dispensing Pyxis...
Ensure Keg

In Response to High Demand, Ensure Now Available in Keg Form

0
LAKE BLUFF, IL - You spoke and they listened: Abbott Laboratories, maker of nutritional supplements, has announced that their product Ensure is now available...