Monday, February 8, 2021

Massachusetts ICU Nurse Wins Powerball, Uses Patient’s Vital Signs as Lucky Numbers

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CAMBRIDGE, MA - Local ICU nurse Debbie Watson called in rich this morning after winning the historic Powerball. When nobody claimed a the Powerball winnings of over $900 million, Debbie knew how to beat the...
Kate Upton swimsuit

Kate Upton on Cover of New England Journal’s Swimsuit Issue

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BOSTON, MA - The New England Journal of Medicine will release its highly anticipated first annual swimsuit issue later this week, and for its inaugural cover they have chosen none other than supermodel Kate...
dermatologist

After Violating Work-Hour Minimums, Derm Residency Program on Probation

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ST. LOUIS, MO - The Dermatology Residency Program at Washington University at St. Louis has been placed on probation after it was discovered that residents had violated ACGME work-hour minimums numerous times over the...
colonoscopy

Pushing the Limits: GI Passes Colonoscope from Anus to Mouth

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NEW YORK, NY - In a story illustrating the importance of persistence and perseverance, Dr. Matthew Bryan of Mount Sinai Hospital made history today by becoming the first gastroenterologist to successfully pass a standard...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Study: Average Coffee Sip-to-Sh*t Time is 29 Seconds

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AUSTIN, TX - It is well-known that coffee stimulates the morning number twos in about 30% of people who drink the life-sustaining nectar.  A new study in the New England Journal of Defecation has...
med students drop out

Med Students Have All the Tools to Drop Out Before It’s Too Late

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the current uncertain health care climate and emphasizing that the "time is now," both the American Medical Association (AMA) and American Medical Student Association (AMSA) have announced that med students have...

The Difference Between a Medical Student and a Deer in Headlights

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Today we help elucidate the differences between two things that are often mistaken for each other by healthcare providers. A deer in headlights is part of the family Cervidae and there are numerous types of...
doctors and administrators clapping

Hospital Administrators Think High Healthcare Costs Fixed by Hiring More Hospital Administrators

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WASHINGTON, DC - CEOs of major US hospitals are breaking their silence and coming out in favor of hiring more hospital administrators.  CEO of Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Tammy Watkinson, is certain the fix...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Gastroenterologist Paged Record 35 Times While in Restroom

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KANSAS CITY, MO - In a stark development it has been reported that earlier this morning during a five-minute bathroom break, Dr. Timothy McFadden, a Gastroenterologist of Mount Sinai, was paged a record thirty-five times during...