CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: Talking About Scabies Can Give You Scabies

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has some unfortunate news for everyone: Talking about scabies can actually give you...

Pokémon Go Update: Local Man Walks Into an OR to Catch Rare Pokémon: Abra

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CHARLOTTE, NC - Local man, Danny Nguyen, wandered into St. Elizabeth Hospital's operating room chasing down a rare Pokémon: Abra. "I had no idea...

The Difference Between a Medicine Service and a Garbage Dump

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Today we explore a new set of entities that often get mistaken for one another: a garbage dump and a medicine service.  Let's begin!!! A...

Doctor Orders Food Trays for Intubated Patients, Eats for Free

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GALVESTON, TX – Charles Wilson is a typical pulmonary/critical care fellow who spends 130 hours a week at the hospital (officially 80), which totals $6.10 an...

10 Exciting Real Pages to Get, Especially at 2 AM

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1. Patient reporting 10/10 pain, wants stronger meds after his nap. 2. Patient’s butt is itchy.  Please advise. 3. Hi doc, pt has BP 127/61, HR...
kidney beans

Nephrologist Feels Wrong Eating Bowl Full of Kidney Beans

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TAMPA, FL - Reluctantly bringing the spoon to his mouth after spending a few minutes swirling it in the bowl in front of him,...
brown nose metastasizes

Med Student’s Brown Nose Metastasizes to Liver, Lungs

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CHICAGO, IL - Despite the repeated warnings from numerous residents and attendings to alter the trajectory of his health and well-being, the brown nose of 26-year-old...
Hurrican JCAHO

Breaking: Hurricane JCAHO to Obliterate All Open Beverage Containers in Its Path

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CAPE VERDE - The National Hurricane Center has detected the most powerful hurricane just yet.  Named Hurricane JCAHO, the projected Category 5 Cape Verde...

Dr. Clinton Gets Away with Wearing Pantsuit in OR

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - A shocking story coming from Bethesda Medical Center, where Hillary Clinton has been wearing a pantsuit in the operating room.  She refuses...
the purge

The Joint Commission Announces First Annual ‘Patient Safety Purge’

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In a move sparked by the popularity of the horror movie franchise, The Purge, the Joint Commission for the Accreditation of Hospital Organizations (JCAHO)...