butterflies stomach

Nervous Patient’s KUB Shows Butterflies in Her Stomach

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LOS ANGELES, CA - A 44-year-old female was preparing for a big work-related speech when she presented to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center with anxiety and...
present hard to open

OB/GYN Chief Resident Finding Christmas Gift Difficult to Open, Performs Emergency Episiotomy

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SANTA FE, NM - Area OB/GYN chief resident Dr. Sandra Bonit came home for the holidays after a week of night float.  “Seven straight...
pain in elbow

A Revolutionary New Objective Pain Scale Could Replace the 0-10 Pain Scale

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The conventional 0-10 pain scale used as “the fifth vital sign” has made caregivers complacent in pain management.  A new scale has been devolved...
medical student

Female Medical Student Looking Forward to Graduating and Being Called Miss

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ALBANY, NY - Annabell Mittelschmerz is relishing the thought of graduating medical school in 10 short months and starting an extremely rewarding 5 years...
airplane

“Rewards” Program for Frequent Flyers Includes Unlimited, Complimentary Discharges

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ATLANTA, GA - Atlanta University Hospital (AUH) has unveiled a new tiered hospital rewards program for frequent flyers that provides numerous benefits, including free...

Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can’t Handle, Break Hand Bones in Process

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RALEIGH, NC - GomerBlog has confirmed this morning that some local lovers tried positions that they ultimately couldn’t handle and broke several carpal bones...

Contact Precautions Stethoscope Will Be Replaced With Drawing of Stethoscope

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CHARLESTON, SC - In an effort to cut down on cost and auscultation, hospitals are deciding to change to a illustrated picture of a...
turkey sandwich haldol diets

New Haldol Creamy Spread Added to Emergency Room Sandwiches

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PROVIDENCE, RI - Health care providers are raving about a new haloperidol-based condiment that can be surreptitiously added to almost any hospital meal tray,...
fitbit monitor

Fitbit Releases Sh*tbit, The Revolutionary New Bowel Movement Tracker

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Fitbit has released a revolutionary wireless-enabled wearable technology to help people measure data as related to the business of doing...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Licking Eyeballs

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ATLANTA, GA - Say it isn't so!  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just announced that it cannot and will not...