medical residency

Maintenance of Certification Programs to Require Repeating Residency

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - If there ever was a solid example of mission creep, Maintenance of Certification (MOC) programs for physicians have set a new standard.  Overnight,...
Shkreli & Bresch

Breaking: Martin Shkreli & Heather Bresch Are A**holes

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NEW YORK, NY - In a candid interview on CBS News yesterday, Martin Shkreli admitted that "Yes, Heather Bresch and I are a**holes."  Mylan...
eye exam

Physical Exam Tips: The Eye

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Contrary to popular opinion, the eye exam can be performed by other health care providers too, not just ophthalmologists.  Also contrary to popular opinion,...

New Study Shows Father’s Breast Milk Improves Babies’ Intelligence over Mother’s Breast Milk

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DENVER, CO – AstraZeneca recently announced that its new drug, Milkaman, was approved by the FDA for male breastfeeding.  This novel drug causes pectoral muscle cells in...
doctor upset

Hospital Administrators Consider Renaming MDs to “Morphine & Dilaudid”

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TAMPA, FL - Following the immense success of renaming registered nurses (RNs) to “Refreshments & Narcotics,” hospital administrators at Tampa Memorial Cross Hospital (TMCH)...
nipple twist above-the-nipples

Study: Titty Twist Better Pain Stimulus Than Sternal Rub

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Citing expert opinion and personal experience, the American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has put forth new recommendations on the pain stimulus...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends 168 Hours of Extreme Exercise Per Week

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ATLANTA, GA - Ready for a sweat, America?  In a long overdue and much anticipated update to its 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans,...
anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Anesthesiologists Wish Patients Could Intubate Themselves Once in a While

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MONTREAL, QUEBEC - Tired of looking after every airway in this world, anesthesiologists admit they occasionally wish patients wouldn't be so lazy and unmotivated, and...

ASA Updates Algorithm to Account for Redheads

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) released new guidelines that update their infamous ASA classification system to account for the anesthetic...

Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can’t Handle, Break Hand Bones in Process

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RALEIGH, NC - GomerBlog has confirmed this morning that some local lovers tried positions that they ultimately couldn’t handle and broke several carpal bones...