Hospital Builds $100M Gorgeous Atrium Expansion, Nurse Bonuses Cut
CLEVELAND, OH – Mercy Hospital has just completed a new addition to their hospital: a grandiose beautiful atrium. This new expansion is "a beautiful and...
Match Applicants Shocked to Find Med School Personal Statement Was Legally Binding
In a stunning reversal of fortune, fourth-year medical students around the country are reacting to the shocking news that their medical school admission essays...
Nice Work, Brah: Ortho Note Mentions Horizontal Nystagmus
BOSTON, MA - Hospitalists, neurologists, and neurosurgeons at Massachusetts Specific Hospital in Boston were dumbfounded this morning when they found that a note by...
The Days of Limitless “Allergies” Are Numbered
WASHINGTON, DC - Americans have always enjoyed the right to have a limitless numbers of allergies, but after new CMS guidelines were approved this week,...
With No Mega Millions Winner, Millions of Healthcare Professionals Begrudgingly Show Up to Work
CHICAGO, IL - Many, if not every single health care professional, woke up this morning before heading to work and checked to see if...
Resting Bitch Face Treatment
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Exciting new breakthroughs in the ongoing fight against resting bitch face (RBF) from the City of Brotherly Love. Follow @drsubbio for...
Mandatory Rectal Tone Checks Reduce Non-Emergent ER Visits
NEWARK, NJ - Grace Regional's ER physicians complained to leadership for years about the excess number of patients going to the ER for non-emergent...
Dr. Oz & Joy Behar Birth Devil Offspring, Hell is Near
THE NINTH CIRCLE, HELL - In a frightening development, it has been reported that Dr. Oz & Joy Behar, two of television’s most reviled...
Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo
Pros / Thanks to his lovable and playful interactions, Resuscitate Me Elmo makes it ridiculously easy and fun to learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).
Cons /...
Physician Signs Out Patient Census and Pager, Has Slight Orgasm
ORLANDO, FL - After having one of the toughest weeks in her professional career as a hospitalist during which she had a census of...