Thursday, June 24, 2021
Bananas

Physician Shocked to Learn Banana Bags Not Made with Real Fruit

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Local hospitalist Marcel Beignet was shocked and aghast to learn from colleagues today that banana bags, which are used to treat patients with nutritional deficiencies, are not made with bananas...
Medical center

Medicine Changed Forever After Dr. Google Granted Prescriptive Authority

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Medicine will be changed forever after yesterday's ruling allowing online medical symptom checker sites, including Dr. Google, to prescribe medications. "We plan to cut out the middle doctor in medicine, that being...
joint commission

Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity

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OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission believes that when a patient has “20 out of 10 pain” it isn’t the patient’s fault, it’s the scale’s fault.  That is why the Joint Commission is...
maculopapular

Breaking: Dermatologist Describes Rash as ‘Maculopapular’

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MIAMI, FL - In news that is reverberating and causing aftershocks across the world of medicine, University of Miami Hospital dermatologist Benjamin Alter has just described his patient's rash as "maculopapular," that's it. "Do you...

Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo

30
  Pros / Thanks to his lovable and playful interactions, Resuscitate Me Elmo makes it ridiculously easy and fun to learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Cons / Battery life is weak and Elmo's chest cracks easily. The One...
prior authorization prior auth eternity

Study: Average Wait Time for Prior Authorization is Eternity

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CHICAGO, IL - A recent web-based survey conducted by the American Medical Association (AMA) of 1,000 physicians who have recently attempted requests for prior authorization (PA) revealed that the wait time for a PA decision ranges...
quitting medicine

Doctor Achieves Lifelong Dream of Quitting Medicine Forever

100
“Finally!” he exclaimed, throwing his white coat, scrubs, and stethoscope onto a pile of logs. “I can’t believe I made it!” Meet Hunter McCutchen.  He is 39 years of age.  He is a physician and...
fire

Breaking: Interns Literally Being Thrown into the Fire

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ATLANTA, GA - For brand new interns, July 1 is the day where they often feel like they're being thrown into the fire.  For five really unfortunate interns at Georgia Medical Center (GMC), their Internal Medicine...
Ancef pump

Orthopod Caught Auscultating Ancef Pump

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ATLANTA, GA - "Shhh," orthopedic surgeon Thor Hammersley told befuddled onlookers as he used a stethoscope (or, as he puts it, "a mini jump rope") to carefully listen to one of his must trusted friends, the Ancef pump. ...

Intern Immediately Regrets Asking Open-Ended Question

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SAN JOSE, CA - “Hi, Mr. Jones.  Tell me about your night,” said by the stupidest, know-nothingest, why-did-I-just-do-that intern, Dr. Austin.  Austin, a new intern at HarborHealth immediately regretted asking an open-ended question to...