Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR)...
Raising Obesity BMI Classification to 35 Would Cut Obesity Rates by 42%
WASHINGTON, DC - Obesity has become a significant burden upon the medical system in the United States and the American Medical Association (AMA) has decided...
NURSE SUSPENDED FOR WRITING NOTES IN CAPS LOCK
NORFOLK, VA - NURSE AMANDA HAN WAS SUSPENDED EARLY THIS MORNING BY HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATION FOR THE SAME OFFENSE YET AGAIN: ALWAYS WRITING HER NOTES...
White House admin to decrease COVID by turning graph upside down
President Trump announced at a press conference yesterday that the White House would soon be advocating for a new approach to decreasing COVID 19...
Goop from ER Break Room Becomes Sentient, Asks for Dilaudid
DALLAS, TX - In an amazing breakthrough for science, a new life form has spontaneously willed itself into existence in the break room of a...
Census Data Project Power-Chair Riders Will Outnumber Pedestrians by 2040
WASHINGTON, DC - The Census Bureau released a mountain of data last week, and among the most interesting trends is the astronomical increase in...
New Study Explores If More Cowbell Is The Key To Improving Sepsis Outcome
NEW YORK, NY - An old treatment for sepsis-related fever is emerging as a potential alternative to the current sepsis bundle regimens, according to...
CDC: If We Stop Testing for Coronavirus, New Cases Will Drop
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC just released a new strategy in fighting novel coronavirus or COVID-19. They will limit, or completely shut down all...
Administrators Volunteer To Screen Patients During Pandemic
After spreading the CDC’s gospel for healthcare workers exposed to
COVID-19 and lacking face masks to show up to work with their bandanas, health administrators...
E.R. Doctors To Druggies: “Get More Creative!”
A national conference of Emergency Medicine doctors has created a list of suggestions for ER regulars who come in for Dilaudid and other euphoria-producing...