Apocolyptic Electronic Medical Record Becomes Self-Aware
"And just like that, the world burned." Those haunting words were discovered deep within a nursing note by hospitalist Kilty McSwagger while he was...
Surgical Chief Resident Calls for ‘Baywatch CPR’ on the 98-Year-Old Nursing Home Patient Admitted...
As the first wave of respondents to the “code blue” call arrived at the 7 North nursing station, Dr. Stephanie Smith was overheard saying,...
Physician-Americans to Be Listed in Next U.S. Census as Newest Ethnic Group
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Census Bureau has just announced that Physician-Americans will be listed as a choice in the 2020 Census survey. Capitalizing...
Food Truck Entrepreneur Now Providing Endoscopies
OUTSIDE METROPOLITAN HEALTH SYSTEM - Let's face it, hospital cafeteria food is hideous, even when it's labeled correctly. That's why people in scrubs line up...
Natural Dilaudid Spring Discovered in Alps; Drug Seekers Scramble for Climbing Gear, Airline Tickets
GRINDELWALD, SWITZERLAND - A quaint Swiss town is experiencing the first wave of what is sure to be an epic boom in tourism this...
Area Lactose-Intolerant Holistic Practitioner Has Severe Lactic Acidosis
SEPSIS BUNDLE HOSPITAL, CO - Area holistic practitioner Suzi Budzinsky-Donnitz-Sham-Meyers CPA, PhD, RN was unfortunately hospitalized today. While she has been severely lactose intolerant for...
Ode to the Death of the Physical Exam
Here ye, here ye
On this day we take the time to remember
The loss of a fond friend,
The physical exam
Gone are the days
Of the bedside...
Doctors Unanimously Decide to “Stay in Their Lane” as NRA Tweet Advised
WASHINGTON, DC - Thousands of Doctors who read the National Rifle Association (NRA) tweet to “stay in their lane” suddenly realized that the NRA...
Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio a Strong Intelligence Predictor
BIRMINGHAM, AL – Hospital administrators have been searching for better ways to educate patients prior to being discharged. Administrators may have found their answer...
Hospital to Open Day Spa in Dialysis and Infusion Unit to Increase Income
In a bold move announced today, Mt. Saint Elsewhere hospital stated that the dialysis and infusion unit will be offering supplemental packages. “Anything you...