Report: Essential Hypertension, Not at All Essential
PITTSBURGH, PA - Scientists discovered Wednesday that essential hypertension is not at all essential for life. "We were totally wrong when we discovered hypertension,"...
New Smartphone EMR Technology Allows Up To 120 Office Visits Per Hour
Primary care medicine got a lot faster last month when AutoDoc Technologies rolled out its newest diagnostic/EMR system, expected to allow physicians to see...
Hospital Gets Rid of Patients, Doctors to Spend 100% of Time Writing Notes
State Hospital Medical Center has made headlines across the nation today by shutting its doors to human patients. Physicians will now spend 100% of...
Medicare to Use Physician and Nurse Surveys to Rate Patients for Compensation
WASHINGTON, DC - Medicare announced groundbreaking plans to use physician and nurse surveys to rate their patients by 2017 as a measure to set “individualized”...
Wow, That’s Bold: CDC Says ‘Zero People’ Will Catch the Flu This Year
ATLANTA, GA - Exuding tremendous confidence, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that it plans on pitching a no-hitter this...
Flonass: Flonase’s Sister Spray for Anal Sniffles
LONDON, ENGLAND - When the season's change - either from winter to spring or from summer to fall - we often focus on runny...
Physical Exam Tips: The Lungs
Examining one lung is hard enough, but two of them??!! TWO??!! UGHHHHH!! This is so much work! If you only have the stamina to...
CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe
ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened. "We need to have the...
Gummy Metformin Hits Shelves
PITTSBURGH, PA - A gummy candy form of the popular diabetes medication metformin hit the shelves last month and the entire medical community is...
Local Restaurant with Serious Health Violations, Owner Cites Pandering to Scrub-Wearing Customers as Cause
While there are some toolbags that still think it is cool to wear scrubs in public, one restaurant owner claims it may cause his...