After Super Bowl, Health Care Practitioners Ready to Diurese the Sh*t Out of Everyone
WASHINGTON, D.C. - With the completion of Super Bowl XLIX so too ends the weekend of Super Bowl parties, celebrations, and unhealthy eating. It...
Hillary Launches New Public Health Campaign: ‘I’m with Her-pes’
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to raise awareness for the rising rates of genital herpes across all age groups in the U.S., Hillary...
God Postpones Miracle Due to Slightly High INR of 1.6
HEAVEN ABOVE - God, Creator of the Universe, has decided to postpone His plans for a miracle today after morning labs revealed an elevated...
Medical Team Unable to Penetrate Patient’s Protective Blanket Cocoon
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - “I think it’s alive,” whispered intern Jason McCarren to nurse Mya Roberts, both at the patient’s bedside puzzled.
“Are you sure?”...
Sundowning to be Referred to as Moonupping from Hereonin
LOS ANGELES, CA - The American Academy of Naming Medical Things (AANMT) has issued a mandated that sundowning will now be referred to as...
Miley Cyrus claims “You don’t have to be diabetic anymore” after discovering Coke Zero
Miley Cyrus is at it again upsetting over 30 million Americans who have diabetes by telling them they don't need to have high blood...
Dilaumorfentanylocet approved for 11/10 pain and above
In an exciting development for doctors and nurses around the country, FDA has approved a powerful new drug for treatment of resistant pain, defined...
Hospital Staff to Use Social Media to Update Patients, Direct Medical Care
PHOENIX, AZ - Hospital staff at Trinity Hospital are now required to attend social media-targeted family conference training and medical resource training.Hospital administrator Rob Hamilton...
Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of...
Oncologist Dr. Trump: Making Your Body Great Again
NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Trump makes his rounds through the halls of NYU's hospital and you can overhear his barking: "Cisplatin you're FIRED,...