Doctor Absolutely Crushes the Lung Exam This Morning
AUSTIN, TX - The patient's lungs never stood a chance. After some idle chit-chat about symptoms of dyspnea and wheeze, hospitalist Miguel Ruiz proceeded...
Miley Cyrus claims “You don’t have to be diabetic anymore” after discovering Coke Zero
Miley Cyrus is at it again upsetting over 30 million Americans who have diabetes by telling them they don't need to have high blood...
Nocturnist Found Answering Phone Call Without Passive Aggressive Feelings
NEW YORK, NY – In an incident of astoundingly good professional behavior, a nocturnist in Titmouse County Hospital, NY was found answering a phone...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of...
97% of World’s Graham Cracker Supply Located in Hospital Drawers, White Coat Pockets
BOUND BROOK, NJ - A study in the latest issue of the New England Journal of Snack Foods (NEJSF) has confirmed that 97% of...
ID Doc Sends ‘Thank You’ Cards for Those Interesting Consults
NEW HAVEN, CT - Taking consultative manners into another echelon, a Yale infectious diseases doctor is sending "Thank You" cards to show her appreciation...
FDA Rejects Rapid COVID-19 Test in Favor of Slow-as-Balls One
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has rejected the first rapid COVID-19 test that could produce results with an hour in...
Neurology Avoids Disaster Admission, Admits to Medicine
HAMPTON, CA - Kaiser Health Hospital had a close call this Wednesday. Thanks to the diligent efforts of Dr. Trevenstein, a neurology attending at Mercy...
Joint Commission Requires More Name Tag Bracelets for Sicker Patients
PHOENIX, AZ - In an effort to improve patient safety, the Joint Commission (JC) has recommended that sicker ICU patients should have multiple nametag...
Doctor Diureses List with 80 mg of Lasix, Net Negative 14 Patients
ATLANTA, GA - Finding his census of 20 patients unacceptable, medicine attending Randy Evans did the only logical thing: he gave his patient list...