Internal Medicine

colonoscopy

Hamburglar Diagnosed with Colon Cancer

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MCDONALDLAND - In sad news today, the Hamburglar, who amused children for years with his antics and unstoppable desire for hamburgers, was diagnosed with...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations

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ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers...

Family Who Changed Your Diapers Will Never Listen To Your Medical Advice

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BOCA RATON, FL -- A new study has revealed results which come as absolutely no surprise to anybody who works in healthcare: 100% of...
used speculum tongue depressor

CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors

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ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy,...

Thawed Medieval Surgeon Still Prescribing Too Much Bloodletting Despite All the Evidence

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MUNICH, GERMANY - Lord Lockwell was recently discovered in the Bavarian Alps near the German-Switzerland border in a small town called Konstanz.  Due to...
annoyed doctor stage 4 decubitus ulcer

Charting Complication: Hospitalist Develops Stage 4 Sacral Decub

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BOSTON, MA - Hospitalist Sofia Candelaria was simply being a good hospitalist by spending 90% of her day documenting things that needed to be...
dialysis machine ATM machine

Med Student Mistakes Dialysis Machine for ATM Machine

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NASHVILLE, TN - As much as they wanted to help out third-year medical student Erin Sperling, the staff of the dialysis unit at Vanderbilt...

Local Man Cures Diabetes After He Refuses His Insulin

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SEATTLE, WA – After years of obesity, a high calorie diet and limited exercise Mr. Krendall presented to his local ED after feeling, “crappy”...
PICU nurse

PICU Nurse Enjoys Changing Patient Parameters and Drips Right Before Interns Present Patients on...

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SEATTLE, WA - In an exclusive interview with Nursing magazine, Martha Stevens, a prominent pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) nurse at Children’s Hospital admitted that...

Criminals Decry “Cultural Appropriation” by Masked Civilians

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The latest CDC recommendations for all U.S. citizens to wear face masks when in public has created backlash from an unexpected quarter: career criminals. Long...