Phew! Lung Biopsy Notes Healthy Diaphragm & Liver Tissue
AUSTIN, TX - A patient in Austin is relieved to learn this morning that her lung biopsy results showed nothing but the presence of...
Serious About Safety, “Operation Warp Speed” to Enroll 7.8 Billion People in Phase 1...
WASHINGTON, DC—Leaders of “Operation Warp Speed” (OWS), the government program tasked with developing a Covid-19 vaccine, insist that despite the name, their top priority...
The Curious Case of a Patient Demanding a Controlled-Substance Prescription
ATLANTA, GA - The Center for Disease Control (CDC) released a shocking case report of a patient who rudely demanded that his physician issue...
ICU Team Happy to Have ER Resident Rotating in ICU
HOUSTON, TX - The ICU team at Sarcasm General expressed unlimited joy when they learned that the hotshot ER residents would start rotating with...
“Hands Across the Globe” Fundraiser Aims to Stop Spread of Coronavirus
WUHAN, CHINA—The 1980s’ supergroup USA for Africa, known mostly for its hunger-awareness-raising “We Are the World” tune and “Hands Across America” event, announced yesterday...
Placement Tips: How to Place a Patient on the Moon
If there's something social workers and hospitalists are really good at it's placement. But every once in a while a difficult placement comes along....
Correction: Billionaire Purchases Hundreds of Ventilators FROM Coronavirus-Stricken Hospitals
An earlier version of this article erroneously indicated that the billionaire purchased ventilators FOR coronavirus-stricken hospitals, implying he was going to donate them to...
Physician Strike Enters 3rd Week After Custodial Staff Purchase Embroidered Jackets
Ann Arbor, MI – Physicians throughout Michigan Medicine have continued into the third week of a bitter and protracted strike with no end in...
CPR Guidelines Made Even Simpler
Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was replaced by only chest compression in 2008 after a slow de-emphasis on replacement breathing. This made CPR simple and easy to remember,...
Patient Bleeds to Death, Blood Bank Paperwork Completed Without Errors
MADISON, WI - GomerBlog regrettable reports about another surgical patient bleeding to death at Community Hospital yesterday. 84-year-old Terrance Billingsworth tragically passed away in the operating room...