Internal Medicine

morgue

Hospital Morgue Morning Rounds Initiated After Family Insists Patient “is a Fighter”

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CODVILLE, CT — Following a 211-day stay at St. Rodger’s Medical Center ICU, including two weeks of uninterrupted asystolic cardiac arrest, patient Joseph Smith,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...

Nation Washes Hands for the First Time

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NASHVILLE, TN - The coronavirus from Wuhan, China is a global pandemic. People are terrified. Hoarding toilet paper, cleaning out grocery stores, and now...

Game of Thrones Pain Scale

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Are you like me and tired of giving the same old boring explanation of the 0-10 pain scale?  Spice it up by using the...
pharmacist

Nostalgic Pharmacists Yearn for Good ‘Ole Days of Illegible Doctors’ Prescriptions

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Though pharmacists appreciate the progress that has been made with electronic health records (EHR) and e-prescriptions over the past two...

Part-Time Medical Professional at Hospital with No COVID-19 Cases Lines Up Selfie in Full...

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Times are tough for those in healthcare: the novel SARS CoV-2, personal protective equipment shortages, national runs on inhalers and hydroxychloroquine, public health leadership...

Covid and Cambria North American Tour Kicks Off with a Bang!

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The new sensation that's sweeping the nation!
peyton manning

Peyton Manning No Longer Has The Arm Strength to Deliver Papa John’s Pizzas

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DENVER, CO - According to Denver Broncos team doctors, aging 39-year-old quarterback Peyton Manning’s arm strength has significantly diminished to the point where he...

ABIM Rewrites Board Exam: All Questions Now Covid-19-Related

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PHILADELPHIA, PA—Recognizing that no other diseases matter anymore, the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) is rewriting its entire 2020 exam so that every...
eye chart, visual acuity

Letter ‘T’ to Take Top Spot on Snellen, ‘E’ Demoted

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BOSTON, MA - In shocking news delivered earlier today, the incumbent letter E has been demoted from its top spot on the Snellen eye chart and...