Respiratory System Secedes, Declares Independence from Human Body
THE HUMAN BODY - In a stunning development that will inevitably alter the balance of power within us all, the respiratory system has successfully...
Medicare to Use Physician and Nurse Surveys to Rate Patients for Compensation
WASHINGTON, DC - Medicare announced groundbreaking plans to use physician and nurse surveys to rate their patients by 2017 as a measure to set “individualized”...
American Association of Doctors Considers Offering MD Degree to Anyone With a Smartphone
CHICAGO, IL - Citing new evidence that most medical questions can be answered quickly, and occasionally accurately, online, a major physician-accrediting body is considering...
CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction
ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and...
Letter ‘T’ to Take Top Spot on Snellen, ‘E’ Demoted
BOSTON, MA - In shocking news delivered earlier today, the incumbent letter E has been demoted from its top spot on the Snellen eye chart and...
Medicine Team ‘Forgets’ to Round on Patient on Psychiatry Ward
JACKSONVILLE, FL – Dr. Karen Turner, chief medical resident at Fallbrook Hospital, led her team on morning rounds yesterday throughout the hospital. Intern, Dr. Jeremy...
Breaking: Buick Undergoes Surgery for Glove Compartment Syndrome
ATLANTA, GA - Stuffed to the gill with unpaid parking tickets and losing Lotto tickets, a Buick in the hospital parking lot is undergoing...
American Red Cross Creates American Brown Cross for Fecal Transplant Donations
WASHINGTON, DC - Despite increasing clinician awareness and education as well as instituting universal gloving procedures, hospital-associated Clostridium difficile infections have continued to be...
Hospitalist Has Turned On ‘Out of Office’ Reply Permanently
HARTFORD, CT - Dr. Paul Tanzwicki, a new hospitalist at Upper West Medical Center, was excited to turn his out of office reply on...
Local Health System Admits to Scaring Away Older Physicians with Technology
LAS VEGAS, NV - When faced with the difficult work of encouraging some older, higher paid doctors to retire (so they could be replaced...