Internal Medicine

Patient Able to Get Dilaudid Just Before Leaving AMA

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Michael Redmond - a patient so regular to St. Joseph Hospital’s ER that if he doesn’t show up for a couple days,...

Endangered VA System Named 60th U.S. National Park

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to preserve one of the United States' most endangered areas for future generations, President Obama signed a law...
peyton manning

Peyton Manning No Longer Has The Arm Strength to Deliver Papa John’s Pizzas

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DENVER, CO - According to Denver Broncos team doctors, aging 39-year-old quarterback Peyton Manning’s arm strength has significantly diminished to the point where he...
head lice

Frantic Mom Hires Exterminator to Rid Son’s Head of Lice

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PRINCETON, NJ—A major outbreak of lice has struck a local preschool, leading one frantic mother to hire an exterminator to rid her son’s hair...

Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine

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KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in.  Millions of...

Spa Offers ‘Ultimate Relaxation’ With 55-Minute Carotid Sinus Massage

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SANTA FE, MN - For guests who want to experience the ultimate in relaxation, the spa at the Inn of the Four Extremities is...

In Move To Further Gender Equality, HERpes To Be Renamed HIMpes

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With the gender specific city code revolution ongoing in Berkeley, California, the landscape of our language is drastically changing. Physicians throughout the country are...

Product Review: Heartbeats by Dr. Dre Stethoscopes

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Pros / The bass on these Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes are SICK!  Besides, who wouldn't want a bluetooth stethoscope blessed by Dr. Dre? Cons / You...
hesitate hesitation hesitating

Contrary to Consultant’s Advice, Doctor is Now Hesitant to Call Back with Any Questions

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AUSTIN, TX - After admitting a patient with end-stage congestive heart failure, third-year internal medicine resident Amanda Cummings consulted the cardiology service to help...
stray dart

So You’ve Been Hit by a Stray Dart, What to Do Next

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It happens all the time.  You're hanging out at a bar or friend's house playing a game of darts, when - BAM!! - a...