Study: Anticoagulation Initiation Instantly Increases Your Fall Risk
BOCA RATON, FL - Finally proving what most doctors already have suspected for decades, Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram presented his research data which demonstrated the direct causative...
In Attempt to Reach Out to Cards, Medicine Resident Falls Out of Chair
BOSTON, MA - In an aging population that is becoming increasingly complex, it is not uncommon for inpatient primary teams taking care of patients...
Valium Advent Calendar Being Tested by Local Pharmaceutical Company
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Parents will be able to count down the days until Christmas in a much more soothing manner this season. A...
Attending Known for Long ICU Rounds Admits She is Actually Just Filibustering Her Crappy...
At the Pannus University Hospital, there is one specific attending, who preferred to remain anonymous for this article, known for exquisitely long rounds. Every...
Covid-19 Prevention: New AICD Delivers Shock Whenever You Touch Your Face
VOLTAGE, OR—In what can only be described as “shocking” news, the FDA recently approved a novel implantable cardioverter-defibrillator that not only senses dangerous arrhythmias...
Always Blame Nephrology
Intern: Patient’s BP is now 90/50.
Resident: This is from pulling too much fluid with dialysis
Intern: Patient didn’t get any dialysis today
Resident: Then, it is...
Med Student Yammering About Oxidative Phosphorylation, Kill Us Now
LAS VEGAS, NV - Second-year University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) medical student Karen Weaselsnout-Jones continues to cement her legacy as the most annoying...
Raising Obesity BMI Classification to 35 Would Cut Obesity Rates by 42%
WASHINGTON, DC - Obesity has become a significant burden upon the medical system in the United States and the American Medical Association (AMA) has decided...
Gomer To Be Discharged From Medical Floor Soon As ER Bed Opens Up
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Ms. Roberta Flowers, well-known to Philadelphia General Hospital staff as a gomer, has successfully been treated for “pneumonia” and is ready to be...
No Way, Jose: Patient Request for Double Portions Denied, Made NPO as Punishment
BALDWIN, NY - In a defiant stance against a patient Rick Moravsky's request for double portions despite his ongoing treatment for CHF (congestive heart failure)...