Internal Medicine

annoyed doctor stage 4 decubitus ulcer

Attending Does NOT Agree with Intern’s Plan as Noted Above

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AUBURN, AL - “This is absolute horsesh*t,” said family medicine attending Renata Bellows, as she read over her intern’s progress note.  “This is terrible....
bacteria

Mystery of Appendix Solved: A Private Space for Horny Bacteria to “Get It On”

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INSIDE YOUR APPENDIX—Admit it, when you place your stethoscope (that is, if you even own one) on a patient’s abdomen, you don’t really keep...
meatball sub

Wildly-Inaccurate Operative Note Inspires New Approach to Gastric Bypass

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Gastrointestinal surgeon Perry Rush discovered a wildly-inaccurate post operative note in a patient chart last month that has become inspiration for a radical new...
ICD-10 codes

ICD-10 Primer, Lesson 5: WTF Codes

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Now that we’re a few lessons in, you must be wondering the same thing: What about those ICD-10 codes that are ludicrous?  Whereas the...

Spare Anesthesia Machine Makes Slushies

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SANTE FE, NM - Dr. Brad Jacks suspected it for months.  Anesthesia personnel would leave for a break in the middle of a quick ear...

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Consults IT, Tries Turning Heart Off Then Back On Again

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Cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Richard White is always willing to collaborate with the health care team so he called St, Francis Hospital’s help desk today...
hospital door cms

New CMS Guideline: Door-to-Dilaudid Time

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WOODLAWN, MD - Today the Center for Medical Surveys (CMS) announced a radical change to benchmarking and patient satisfaction surveys.  Realizing the opportunity to...
new fda pill

FDA Approves First Antibiotic/Male Impotence Drug: Mycoxaflopin

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WASHINGTON, DC - The Federal Drug Administration has recently approved the first medication that will combat both bacterial infections and male impotence.  Mycoxaflopin, a...
condoms

Surgeon General Admits: Condoms ‘Kinda Suck’

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WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference yesterday, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy admitted that, although very important, condoms do in fact “kinda suck.” The...
couple kissing

Physician Foreplay 101: How to Seduce Your Doctor

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Seduce any doctor by using valuable information about his or her specialty to ensure total success in the bedroom. Emergency Medicine Go skydiving to get the...