E.R. Doctors To Druggies: “Get More Creative!”
A national conference of Emergency Medicine doctors has created a list of suggestions for ER regulars who come in for Dilaudid and other euphoria-producing...
CDC Official: I Want You to Think Really Hard as You Personally Battle Ebola
Hi. I work for the CDC and I was assigned to your case I traveled from Atlanta as soon as I heard the news....
Man Claims to Have Caught Ebola from Flu Shot
DALLAS, TX - Local resident Sam Worthington is claiming to have contracted Ebola from his yearly flu shot. The irony is found in contracting a...
Health Care Providers Hail the Launch of the New “Patient Complaint Line”
Following in the pattern of patient satisfaction scores, Dreamland General Hospital has initiated a new "Patient Complaint Line." When a patient has acted in...
Hospital Hires Wolfgang Puck to Design Turkey Sandwiches for ED Lunch Trays
DALLAS, TX – DOA Hospital group in Frisco, Texas unveiled a new initiative in partnership with Wolfgang Puck to provide "therapeutic gastronomy" for ED...
New Algorithm for Waking Patients During Morning Pre-Rounding Released
In an effort to standardize the act of waking up patients in the morning during pre-rounding, the CDC has just released a universal algorithm...
Letter ‘T’ to Take Top Spot on Snellen, ‘E’ Demoted
BOSTON, MA - In shocking news delivered earlier today, the incumbent letter E has been demoted from its top spot on the Snellen eye chart and...
Pharmacist Struggling to Calculate Dinner Tip
OCEANSIDE, NY - Inpatient pharmacist Mark Donato, beloved and trusted by his fellow physicians and other medical providers for being able to “dose anything,”...
Hospitalist Releases Limited Edition Discharge Summary on Vinyl
NASHVILLE, TN - Fans will be queueing up at medical records departments across the country as critically-acclaimed hospitalist Amanda Snider announced she will be...
Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns
INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION - Due to justified concerns about their own immune systems, an alien race has decided to postpone their plans for a...