Internal Medicine

Hollywood Good Guy Matt Damon Opens Up About EBV Positivity

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NEW YORK, NY - Matt Damon shocked medically illiterate TV viewers on Friday morning’s Today Show when he confirmed that he is positive for...
doctor prescribing

Doctor’s Last Drug-Rep Pen Running Out of Ink, Future Prescription Decisions Uncertain

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CRANQUISVILLE, USA - The Affordable Care Act of 2010 brought many changes to the US healthcare (insurance) system, and doctors have already felt the...
quitting medicine

Doctor Achieves Lifelong Dream of Quitting Medicine Forever

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“Finally!” he exclaimed, throwing his white coat, scrubs, and stethoscope onto a pile of logs. “I can’t believe I made it!” Meet Hunter McCutchen.  He...
ICD

Covid-19 Prevention: New AICD Delivers Shock Whenever You Touch Your Face

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VOLTAGE, OR—In what can only be described as “shocking” news, the FDA recently approved a novel implantable cardioverter-defibrillator that not only senses dangerous arrhythmias...
mechanical ventilator

Correction: Billionaire Purchases Hundreds of Ventilators FROM Coronavirus-Stricken Hospitals

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An earlier version of this article erroneously indicated that the billionaire purchased ventilators FOR coronavirus-stricken hospitals, implying he was going to donate them to...
Gas-X brain farts

Neurologists Recommend Gas-X for Treatment of Brain Farts

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has updated their guidelines for the diagnosis and management of brain farts, a condition characterized...

Doctor Signs Out Against Patient Advice

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HELENA, MT—Dr. Otto Hare, the on-call physician last night at Helena Health Center, apparently decided to leave the hospital mid-shift—in the midst of admitting...
blood sugar rises after Halloween

Overnight News: Nation Has 107 Point Average Rise in Blood Sugars After Halloween

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, reported that the nation’s average blood glucose level rose over 107 points per human last...
moon placement

Placement Tips: How to Place a Patient on the Moon

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If there's something social workers and hospitalists are really good at it's placement.  But every once in a while a difficult placement comes along....
hospital credentialing

Patient Tips for a Pleasant Stay at Your Local Hospital

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When it comes to your medical care, you have a lot of choices. At the world-renowned Ivory Tower Medical Center, we want your experience...