Internal Medicine

wine for surgical prep

VIP Treatment Offers Merlot, Pinot Noir as Surgical Prep

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MILL VALLEY, CA - As hospitals across the country merge into corporate conglomerates, they lose their identity, much like identical Walmarts taking out Mom...
stubborn patient

Patient Looks Forward to Getting Admitted & Refusing Everything a Hospital Can Offer

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ATLANTA, GA - For the third time this month and tenth time this year, Jason Reynolds, a 54-year-old male with epic levels of noncompliance,...

The American Medical Association’s New Guidelines for Treating Millennials

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Though medicine continues to advance with new technologies and innovations, one invaluable tool has withstood the test of time: the medical interview. The medical...
rhabdo

Forrest Gump Still in Rhabdo 30 Years After Epic Cross-Country Run

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Though it has been three decades since his historic three-and-a-half year cross-country run brought him national attention, Birmingham Medical Center (BMC)...
neurology consult

Poll: Why Are Neurologists Consulted?

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We polled thousands of neurologists across the world to get down to the bottom of why they are consulted.  Here are the top 9...

Surface of Mercury Less Toxic Than Hospital Work Environment

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WASHINGTON, DC - Scientists at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have analyzed data suggesting that the surface of Mercury, though not suitable for...
screening for cancer

TSA to Start Screening for Colorectal Cancer at Airports

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ATLANTA, GA – U.S. government officials said on Thursday that they would start screening patients for unintentional weight loss and bloody stools, starting with...
Bananas

Physician Shocked to Learn Banana Bags Not Made with Real Fruit

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - Local hospitalist Marcel Beignet was shocked and aghast to learn from colleagues today that banana bags, which are used to...

Conspiracy! Powerful Microscope Finds “Made in China” Imprinted on Virus

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ATLANTA, GA—Staring for hours at the 500,000x-magnified image of the novel coronavirus under his electron microscope, Dr. Henry Thomson of the CDC just could...

COVID-19: TV Docs to be Called Upon in Time of Crisis

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ATLANTA, GA - In light of the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) is now officially requesting fictional doctors...