Internist Able to Hear Heart Sounds Using Disposable Stethoscope
CHICAGO, IL – In what is believed to have been a first, Dr. Dick Andersen legitimately heard heart sounds using a disposable “MRSA stethoscope”...
Administrators Volunteer To Screen Patients During Pandemic
After spreading the CDC’s gospel for healthcare workers exposed to
COVID-19 and lacking face masks to show up to work with their bandanas, health administrators...
Donald Trump’s Orange Complexion Due To ChloraPrep From Last Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C - The U.S. Surgeon General accidentally revealed in a recent interview that President Trump’s skin tone is actually a normal shade of...
Army Medical Student Disappointed to Hear Apache II Score Has Nothing to Do with...
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Third year medical student and prior helicopter pilot, Tim McGrowler, was disappointed to find out that the APACHE II has nothing to...
Pain Specialist Uses Ibuprofen Bottle as Substitute for Call System
Dr. Habad Malik sent shock waves through the local medical community when he left town for a week, entrusting his call system to a...
TSA to Start Screening for Colorectal Cancer at Airports
ATLANTA, GA – U.S. government officials said on Thursday that they would start screening patients for unintentional weight loss and bloody stools, starting with...
Daft Punk Gets Unlucky, Catches Gonorrhea
PARIS, FRANCE - Known for their repeated declarations of "We're up all night to get lucky," French electronic music duo Daft Punk have unfortunately...
Ortho ORIF’s a Calcified Aorta
Toronto, ON - In a world first, Dr. Chipper has carried out what we’re cautiously calling a successful open reduction and internal fixation (ORIF)...
Disaster Strikes After Intern Accidentally Orders Bowel ‘Regiment’
The world was stunned yesterday by events at County Hospital. Mr. Brown, an 88-year-old man with dementia, had been admitted with altered mental status...
Natural Dilaudid Spring Discovered in Alps; Drug Seekers Scramble for Climbing Gear, Airline Tickets
GRINDELWALD, SWITZERLAND - A quaint Swiss town is experiencing the first wave of what is sure to be an epic boom in tourism this...