Unit Secretary Wins Nightly ETOH Pool
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Emergency room secretary Lois Mare won the nightly ETOH pool at Topanga Memorial Hospital last night. Her winning guess of 433...
Bitcoin Users Infected with Cryptocurrency Meningitis
ATLANTA, GA - Over the past month, volatile swings in bitcoin have led to an ominous halving of its value, which has thrown investors...
On a Hot Streak, Palliative Care Makes 35th Straight Patient DNR
LOS ANGELES, CA - Displaying once again why they are the most dominant subspecialty at Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) right now, Palliative Care...
Local Children Against Vaccinations Despite the Evidence
ATLANTA, GA – A growing trend is occurring among children across the nation: the rejection of vaccines. It has been well documented that some...
Tips: How to Suck at Calling Consults
We all take pride in trying to call in a good consult. But sometimes you get that feeling. You know the one. The one...
Doctors Become Obsessed When Elderly Lady Doesn’t Obsess About Her Bowels
Elderly Columbus resident Annette Smith was deemed mentally unfit after a recent hospitalization because she didn't even realize she was supposed to shit every...
Gummy Metformin Hits Shelves
PITTSBURGH, PA - A gummy candy form of the popular diabetes medication metformin hit the shelves last month and the entire medical community is...
Toxicologist Bell Biv DeVoe Confirms: ‘That Girl is Poison’
BOSTON, MA - After "sensing something strange in my mind" for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has...
Medicare to Use Physician and Nurse Surveys to Rate Patients for Compensation
WASHINGTON, DC - Medicare announced groundbreaking plans to use physician and nurse surveys to rate their patients by 2017 as a measure to set “individualized”...
George Bush: I Misunderestimated the Weapon of Mass Destruction in My Coronaries: Atherosclerosis
DALLAS, TX - George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States, had a coronary artery stent placed on Wednesday. Dubbya said he...