Patient with High Pain Tolerance, Surprisingly… In Pain
LANCASTER, IL – Local resident, Shirley Homes, came to St. Joe’s Emergency Room with a shocking complaint: she was in pain. This emergency pain...
FDA Studying Bicarb in Treatment of Coronavirus
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Desperate times call for desperate measures. Numerous drugs are being studied in the treatment of novel coronavirus, but the Food...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of...
AMA Admits ‘We Are in the Pocket of Big Oxygen,’ Issues Formal Apology to...
Anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, naturalists, you had it right all along. Our rampant greed as medical providers knows no bounds. You have called us out...
New GI Tool to Retrieve Foreign Objects Just an Arcade Claw Machine
NEW YORK, NY—Observing that its fellows have a very challenging time using forceps, snares or loops to retrieve foreign objects from the esophagus and...
Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S....
Cardiologist Admits to Just Using EKG Computer Interpretation for Over 15 Years
TOPEKA, KS - Veteran cardiologist, Dr. Ernesto Rodriguez, appeared on 20/20 last night with a shocking revelation. Dr. Rodriguez admitted to just using the computer...
Ketchup Packet in Random Clinic Drawer Turns 5 Years Old Today
NEW YORK, NY - And a Happy Fifth Birthday today to the 9-gram Heinz Ketchup packet located in a random desk drawer in some...
Alternate Phrases for “This is a Very Pleasant…”
It’s not uncommon to start a history of present illness (HPI), assessment, or discharge summary with the following phrase: This is a very pleasant…...
Colonoscopes Replaced by Plastic Reachers from Home Depot
CHICAGO, IL - Hospital administrators are looking to tighten the pursestrings some more as they look to replace colonoscopes with plastic reachers & grabbers...