Internal Medicine

Therapy Dogs Now Required to Write Progress Notes

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BOSTON, MA – In another unprecedented move by the Joint Commission (JC), therapy dogs will now be required to write progress notes on the patients...

10 Exciting Real Pages to Get, Especially at 2 AM

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1. Patient reporting 10/10 pain, wants stronger meds after his nap. 2. Patient’s butt is itchy.  Please advise. 3. Hi doc, pt has BP 127/61, HR...
endotracheal tube cough suppressant

Study: The Most Effective Cough Suppressant is an Endotracheal Tube

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BOSTON, MA - Cough drops for a cough?  Not so fast.  An illuminating new multicenter, randomized-controlled, quintuple-blinded study in the New England Journal of...

Patient Can’t Pronounce Metoprolol, Electively Intubated

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RICHMOND, VA - Patient Mary Andrews, a 52-year-old female with atrial fibrillation tried to pronounce the beta blocker “metoprolol” earlier this morning.  She found...
nice patient endangered species

Breaking: Nice Patients Added to Endangered Species List

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a move suggesting they are likely to become extinct unless something more is done to save them for future generations, the...

Ass**** Novel Coronavirus waiting to mutate until vaccine has been developed

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Scientists discover that the novel Corona virus is more of a prick than they had originally thought. It’s viral machinery, although devoid of any...
respiratory system secedes capacity

Psychiatry Consulted to Determine if Lungs Have Capacity

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BOSTON, MA - In an unusual move yesterday at Massachusetts Lieutenant General Hospital (MGLH), a medical team has consulted psychiatry to determine if their...
big sur Mother Nature

Pacific Coast Highway Closed After Mother Nature Has Large Bowel Movement

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BIG SUR, CA - A massive landslide that buried a quarter mile of California's scenic Pacific Coast Highway last week has been attributed to a...

CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything

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WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the infection by Ebola of Nurse Nina Pham, who had cared for the first victim of that...
pot of coffee

Maroon 5 Admitted to Hospital with 5 Maroon Stools

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Maroon 5 is hospitalized at UCLA Medical Center after collectively experiencing 5 maroon-colored stools, including lead singer and NBC’s The...