Breaking: Facebook Placed on Pressors to Fix Plummeting Stocks
MENLO PARK, CA - With its stock value plummeting precipitously in the past 48 hours, Facebook has been started on pressors with lactated ringers...
Hospital Gets Sexy as Overhead Speakers Start Playing a Little Marvin Gaye
ATLANTA, GA - Time to slow things down... real… slow… and heat things up. There’s a different feeling in the air at Georgia Medical...
New Mental Health Hotline Established for CrossFitters and Vegans
Seattle, WA- North Seattle General Hospital held an emergency press conference today to roll out their mental health hotline for CrossFitters and Vegans that...
Protamine Shortage Amid Strike at Salmon Sperm Acquisition Factory
DALLAS, TX - Add another to the list: protamine. This antidote to heparin is on national shortage and warnings are being issued to hospitals...
Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents
NASHVILLE, TN - Unfazed by the obesity epidemic and the glorious number of unhealthy choices at their disposal, Americans are always looking for innovative, quicker ways...
Citing Principle of Autonomy, AHA Recommends Patients Run Own Codes
ALLAS, TX—A major principle of medical ethics is that of autonomy, which states that patients should be highly involved in decisions regarding their health...
Soap Opera Doctor Still Awaiting Credentialing 5 Years and Counting
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Dr. Mario Love, a well-known Days of Our Lives general surgeon, is still not credentialed at his local hospital after being on the...
COVID-19: Pretend RNs, MDs Recruited to the Front Line
NEW YORK, NY - In an effort to bolster our nation's supply of health care workers, young pretend nurses and doctors far and wide...
Patient Admitted with Life-Threatening Butthurt Exacerbation
CHICAGO, IL - "Move people, this guy's crashing!" EMTs yelled, asking everyone to get out of their way as they aggressively carried 33-year-old Alexander...
Local Hospitalist Accidentally Writes Best-Selling Fantasy Novel While Trying to Change EMR Password
DETROIT, MI - Just last week, local hospitalist Dr. Blake Harrison came across a scenario that seems to happen every 20 minutes these days:...