National Spelling Bee Update: All 291 Kids Eliminated After Failing to Spell ‘Dysdiadochokinesia’
WASHINGTON, D.C. - For the first time in the history of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, all 291 of the country's best young spellers...
Update: Cookie Monster Leaves Sesame Street Hospital AMA on Christmas Eve
SESAME STREET – As children around the world continued to hold candlelight vigils for Cookie Monster’s health, the shocking rumors that the muppet had left...
AANS Now Requires Coumadin Gauntlet Prior to Starting Anticoagulation
CHICAGO, IL - Due to a recent study that has shown how the simple act of taking anticoagulant medications increases one’s fall risk, and...
The Latest Fashion Trend for the Fall: Chin Hammocks
The fall is here and with it, comes the latest fashion trends for the coolest and hippest of people of the world: those who...
Apocolyptic Electronic Medical Record Becomes Self-Aware
"And just like that, the world burned." Those haunting words were discovered deep within a nursing note by hospitalist Kilty McSwagger while he was...
Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City
NEW YORK, NY - Currently billions and billions of virus-sized Godzillas are wreaking havoc on New York. The coronavirus is speading like wildfire. Now...
Hospital’s ‘Take Your Daughter to Work’ Day Not Such a Good Idea
ST. LOUIS, MO - Hepatobiliary surgeon Dr. Jeanne Devereux was disappointed. "How hard could it be?!" she fumed. "Just hold the damn retractor and...
Dammit, It’s a Ruse! Nystatin Isn’t a Statin After All
BETHESDA, MD - The medical world is at a loss for words after scientists at the National Institute of Health (NIH) dropped the megaton...
Doctor Vows to Not Sleep Until He Finds Cure for Cancer, Retracts That, Vows...
OMAHA, NE – World famous oncologist Dr. Samuel Potter publicly vowed last week to "not sleep until I find the cure for cancer." This big...
New Helmet for Spleen Allows Mononucleosis Patients to Play Contact Sports
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Athletes afflicted with infectious mononucleosis, a disease caused by the Epstein-Barr virus and sometimes marked by splenomegaly, will soon be able to...