Internal Medicine

easter egg hunt human orifices

Record Number of Drug Seekers Expected for Annual Easter Dilaudid Hunt

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BALDWIN, NY - The Easter Dilaudid Hunt at Baldwin Medical Center (BMC) is going all out.  This weekend, 30,000 drug seekers are expected to...
flossing anus rectum

American College of Gastroenterology Recommends Flossing Rectum Daily

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BETHESDA, MD - Influenced by close analysis of guidelines published by the American Dental Association (ADA), new guidelines from the American College of Gastroenterology...

Patients Cancel Colonoscopy Due to Diarrhea

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BOSTON, MA - Due to a local outbreak of a diarrheal illness that has been short lived, several of our planned colonoscopies have been...

Trump Tweets About More Medical Specialties

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President Trump has gone back to Twitter to tweet about some of the specialties he forgot in his first tweetstorm! ...

Dr. Clinton Gets Away with Wearing Pantsuit in OR

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - A shocking story coming from Bethesda Medical Center, where Hillary Clinton has been wearing a pantsuit in the operating room.  She refuses...
mega motrin for veterans

Veterans Affairs Honors Veterans with New Mega Motrin Pills

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WASHINGTON, DC - Motrin has long been the cornerstone of treatment for any medical ailment of Active Duty Service Members and Veterans for decades. ...
older patient sundowning

Combative Little Old Lady Requires Record-Breaking 11-to-1 Sitter

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SEATTLE, WA - Looks can be deceiving.  87-year-old Marsha Lynch may look like a lovely little old lady, but when she sundowns, she’s one...

United Airlines Asked to Forcibly Remove Patient from Hospital

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CHICAGO, IL - Local patient Sam Johnson, who is being "taken care of" at Mercy Hospital, has not been able to leave for 7 months....
vaccination

Startling Report: CDC Recommends Against Vaccinations, Anti-Vaxxers Now Demanding Their Right to Vaccinate

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ATLANTA, GA - After a funding change, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) completed a meta-analysis using super statistical procedures and skewed...

Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding

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BOSTON, MA - Clinicians, be alert: A new study in the New England Journal of Coronavirus has found that a physical exam finding known...