Maker of EKG Pads Now Recommends 230-Lead EKGs for Patients
FRIDLEY, MN - New studies are demonstrating that the more EKG leads a patient has, the more accurate the EKG is. Previously, only 12...
Frantic Mom Hires Exterminator to Rid Son’s Head of Lice
PRINCETON, NJ—A major outbreak of lice has struck a local preschool, leading one frantic mother to hire an exterminator to rid her son’s hair...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have...
Man in US Furious About Waiting 15 minutes in ER; Meanwhile Patient in South...
DENVER, CO – 46-year-old Marcus Stillbee is furious after waiting for 15 minutes to be seen at the local Quicky Care Medical Center ER...
Surgical Oncologist Successfully Resects Steve Bannon from National Security Council
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a press conference at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital early this morning, surgical oncologist Dr. H.R. McMaster was pleased to announce that he...
Study: 90% Of Rectal Foreign Bodies Are Idiopathic
BIRMINGHAM, AL - A recent retrospective review of Birmingham, Alabama confirms that 90% of rectal foreign bodies are idiopathic. Colorectal surgeon Joshua P Dengle...
European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium...
ToRCHeS Mnemonic Unsure How to Handle New Zika Virus
For decades the ToRCHeS mnemonic (Toxoplasma, Rubella, Cytomegalovirus, HIV, Herpes, Syphilis) was the saving grace of every medical, nursing, biology, virology, pharmacology, zoology and frenology...
Mayo Secretly Celebrates New #1 Status After Cleveland Clinic Comes Out Anti-Vax
ROCHESTER, MN - The Mayo Clinic recently held a campus-wide party this weekend full of "Number 1" balloons and cakes that said "Mayo #1". ...
Hospital with Low Survivability Submits Plans for New Employee Draft
DELAWARE - Recent published reports state morbidity and mortality rates are absolutely atrocious for Community Hospital. According to the US News & World ratings...