Yawning: America’s New Epidemic
YAHNSBERG, YAWNSIN - The first case of yawning was reported in 622 BC by Cepheyawneas. Historians may continue to debate if this case was Patient Zero, but...
High Patient Satisfaction Scores, Key Elements for Success
Over 23,000 hospital patients were polled to help determine what factors are considered important for patients when it comes to their satisfaction at hospitals. Knowing...
Breaking: Iron Man Diagnosed with Hemochromatosis
NEW YORK, NY - After his primary care physician insist he undergo several tests over the past month to uncover the cause of his...
Skinny Jeans Increase Venous Return in Sepsis
CINCINNATI, OH - A recent study out of Northside, Cincinnati claims all-cause mortality benefit in sepsis with addition of skinny jeans to early goal...
Coerced by Lasso of Truth, Wonder Woman Gets Patient to Admit Pain Only 2...
THEMYSCIRA - Wonder Woman overheard a strange patient describing his pain as "20 out of 10." Seeking justice and finally safe from an ER...
Headlines from the Week in Medical News
ROCHESTER, NY - After two-year grant-writing process, associate professor of medicine’s submission to JAMA’s “funny cartoon caption contest” fails peer review process.
AKRON, OH -...
General Practitioner Pilots Rewards Program for Chronic Patients
SEATTLE, WA - Dr. Samuel Sheepman, a general practitioner at Wortley Medical Clinic, has created a new frequent flyer rewards program for chronic illness...
Medical Device Company to Debut Sitbit
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Medical device company Pulsa Tech is unveiling the new Sitbit this week. Similar to its popular predecessor the Fitbit and Sh*tbit,...
Study: Laughter Truly is the Best Medicine, Except for Cases of Severe Diarrhea
SAN ANTONIO, TX – A new study published in The Medicine Journal demonstrated that laughter truly is the best medicine for medical aliments. The study...
Renegade Clan of Nap Specialists Declare Independence from Sleep Medicine
DARIEN, IL - In a startling development, a renegade clan of nap specialists known as “The Nappers” have seceded from the American Association of...