Internal Medicine

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe

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ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened.  "We need to have the...
signed off sign off

“New Intern” Added to Patient’s Problem List

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Joining the ranks of “Congestive Heart Failure,” “Chronic Kidney Disease III,” and “Mood Disorder (Unspecified),” local patient Summer Days’ inpatient active problem list has...

The American Medical Association’s New Guidelines for Treating Millennials

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Though medicine continues to advance with new technologies and innovations, one invaluable tool has withstood the test of time: the medical interview. The medical...

COVID-19: Pretend RNs, MDs Recruited to the Front Line

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NEW YORK, NY - In an effort to bolster our nation's supply of health care workers, young pretend nurses and doctors far and wide...
endotracheal tube cough suppressant

Musical Endotracheal Tubes Brighten Up ICU

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Intensive care units (ICU) are notoriously grim environments, filled with scenes of grief and worry.  But thanks to a new...
stethoscope fairy

Hospitalist Hopes Stethoscope Fairy Leaves Money Under Pillow

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ATLANTA, GA - Thinking he might get a fiver for it, hospitalist Jeff Rodgers placed his broken stethoscope under the pillow before going to...
Libido Pills

New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves

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ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper.  The pill is designed to put that flame...

Mayo Secretly Celebrates New #1 Status After Cleveland Clinic Comes Out Anti-Vax

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ROCHESTER, MN - The Mayo Clinic recently held a campus-wide party this weekend full of "Number 1" balloons and cakes that said "Mayo #1". ...
joint commission

The Joint Commission on Satire Releases Consensus International Butthurt Scale

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The Joint Commission on Satire (JCS) released the results of their 2nd annual meeting to include the first ever consensus International...
alternative medicine

Homeopathic Burn Remedy Effective, Allopaths Stunned

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DENVER, CO - Doctors, skeptics, and the scientific community as a whole, were stunned today when the North American branch of the Society for...