Internal Medicine

“Bieber Fever” Determined to Be Neurosyphilis

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CAMBRIDGE, MA – Scientists have been investigating an outbreak that has been sweeping over the world the past several years that has been coined...

Goodnight Hospital

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In the dark call room There was a telephone And a lumpy bed And a a picture of An ancient man’s torso and head And there were three white...
hospital staff meeting

Mandatory Hospital Staff Meeting to Improve Morale Fails to Improve Morale

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COLUMBIA, SC - ED Staff at Our Lady of Gluten Intolerance Hospital (OLGIH) finished yet another required but uncompensated hospital staff meeting last week...
hospital operator code blue microphone

Hospital Operator Fired for Relaying “Code Brown”

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NEW JERSEY – 27-year-old hospital operator, Jeremy Dickerson, was fired last week after accidentally relaying an incorrect message over the hospital PA system.  Dickerson, instead...
cpr

Heroic Hospital Administrator Rushes To Dying Patient To Complete Core Measures

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BOCA RATON, FL - Hospital administrators across the country are recognizing the heroic efforts of Chlöe Less, Assistant Director of Quality Control at Madre...

Headlines from the Week in Medical News

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ROCHESTER, NY - After two-year grant-writing process, associate professor of medicine’s submission to JAMA’s “funny cartoon caption contest” fails peer review process. AKRON, OH -...

With No Mega Millions Winner, Millions of Healthcare Professionals Begrudgingly Show Up to Work

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CHICAGO, IL - Many, if not every single health care professional, woke up this morning before heading to work and checked to see if...

New Attending Receives First Paycheck, Transforms into Fully Developed Republican

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WATERLOO, IA - Shortly after receiving his first paycheck, Trent Perry, a physician in his first year of practice, finally emerged from his cocoon...

Medicine Team ‘Forgets’ to Round on Patient on Psychiatry Ward

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Dr. Karen Turner, chief medical resident at Fallbrook Hospital, led her team on morning rounds yesterday throughout the hospital.  Intern, Dr. Jeremy...
screening for cancer

TSA to Start Screening for Colorectal Cancer at Airports

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ATLANTA, GA – U.S. government officials said on Thursday that they would start screening patients for unintentional weight loss and bloody stools, starting with...