Internal Medicine

Libido Pills

New Female Libido Pill to Hit Shelves

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ATLANTA, GA - A new female libido pill is expected to hit shelves this week called Pamper.  The pill is designed to put that flame...
easter egg hunt human orifices

Record Number of Drug Seekers Expected for Annual Easter Dilaudid Hunt

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BALDWIN, NY - The Easter Dilaudid Hunt at Baldwin Medical Center (BMC) is going all out.  This weekend, 30,000 drug seekers are expected to...

Lost Your Car in the Hospital Garage? Order a Consult

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If it has happened once, it has happened a million times: you forgot where you parked.  It is the end of the day and...
bouncy house

So You’re Paged While in a Bouncy House, What to Do Next

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There you are, jumping around happily in a bouncy house when the unthinkable happens: you get paged.  Well, maybe not unthinkable since you are...

Product Review: Heartbeats by Dr. Dre Stethoscopes

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Pros / The bass on these Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes are SICK!  Besides, who wouldn't want a bluetooth stethoscope blessed by Dr. Dre? Cons / You...
staph staff

Staph Aureus Bacterium Ridiculed by for Still Being Sensitive to Methicillin

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A single, sad Staph Aureus bacterium has been shunned from its colony for still being sensitive to methicillin in the year 2019. “Apparently it didn’t...

STAT Officially Means “Maybe”

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Ever wonder why your 8 AM stat blood draw hasn’t been done even though it’s now 7 PM the next day? ...

DIY Furniture Assembly Stress Test Validated in Landmark Trial

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PERTH, WESTERN AUSTRALIA - Researchers at the Outback University Hospital have presented data from their landmark DIY-IKEA trial this week, illustrating the benefit of...
female doctor

After 14 Years of Medical Training, MD/PhD Still Unsure of Career Path

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HOUSTON, TX - Despite 4 years of medical school, 3 years of PhD training, 5 years of child neurology residency, 1 year of clinical...
parrot on shoulder

Health Department Gives Parrots To Patients Who Need Reminding

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MADISON, WI — The Dane County Department of Public Health has issued free parrots to 250 of the most frequently hospitalized patients in Madison....