Internal Medicine

McFarction

Breaking: Ronald McDonald Suffers ST-Elevation McFarction

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OAK BROOK, IL - Beloved clown mascot Ronald McDonald has suffered another heart attack this morning, and was taken to Oak Brook Medical Center...
vaccination

CDC: Coronavirus Vaccine Will Be Ready for Refusal By Anti-Vaxxers By 2021

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ATLANTA, GA - Officials at the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) announced today that they believe the new vaccine currently under development...
elderly patient

Doctors Become Obsessed When Elderly Lady Doesn’t Obsess About Her Bowels

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Elderly Columbus resident Annette Smith was deemed mentally unfit after a recent hospitalization because she didn't even realize she was supposed to shit every...
skull & crossbones

Patient Admits That Her Cardiologist’s Bloody Skull & Crossbones Tattoo is Making Her a...

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ROCHESTER, MN - "Look, I know he's a world-renowned cardiologist, but call me crazy, I'm having a few reservations."  That's what patient Vera Brown...
resting bitch face

Resting Bitch Face Underdiagnosed in Health Care Providers

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NEW YORK, NY - Despite the numerous advances and medical breakthroughs in 2015, GomerBlog reports that resting bitch face (RBF), a horrible affliction in...

‘I Can’t Afford These $4 Meds!’ Says Patient with iPhone 6s Plus (Gold) &...

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ATHENS, GA - “I can’t afford these meds!” hospitalized patient Jason Redmond told his medical team, as he folded closed his 13-inch MacBook Air.  Redmond...
icu pumps

American Geriatrics Association Publishes Guidelines on Gomeritis

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The American Geriatrics Association has finally published its guidelines on gomeritis, a complex entity caused by the progressive deterioration of a gomerular brain.  A...
santa big

Santa Sporting Trim New Figure After Successful Gastric Bypass

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NORTH POLE, CANADA - Reports are coming in from all over the North Pole that Santa Claus is sporting a svelte new physique this Christmas...

ER Refuses to End Hospital Shutdown Until IM Agrees to Admit All Drunks

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NEW ORLEANS, LA – Tulane Medical Center has shut down the hospital after negotiations between the Emergency Room (ER) and Internal Medicine (IM) failed...
smoking VA patient

Medical Mystery Baffles Physicians

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An unsolved medical mystery is challenging and frustrating some of the brightest medical minds at Bergendorst Medical Center in Greenville, Iowa. Morbidly obese 58...