Gerbil in Colon Nervously Awaits Bowel Prep Tsunami
SOME DUDE'S COLON - Gerald the Gerbil just received the bad news that his whereabouts have been discovered, and now he nervously awaits the...
FDA Rejects Rapid COVID-19 Test in Favor of Slow-as-Balls One
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has rejected the first rapid COVID-19 test that could produce results with an hour in...
Dammit, It’s a Ruse! Nystatin Isn’t a Statin After All
BETHESDA, MD - The medical world is at a loss for words after scientists at the National Institute of Health (NIH) dropped the megaton...
Bleeding Risk Scores Replaced By Simply Asking Patient ‘Are You Gonna Bleed?’
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Bleeding risk is a real concern among patients that might be candidates for anticoagulation. Should we rely on bleeding risk...
Local Hospital Adds Overpriced Coffee to Patient Bowel Regimen Protocol with Fantastic Results
SEATTLE, WA - Seattle Memorial Hospital has dramatically reduced their rates of post-operative ileus and opioid-induced constipation by requiring that all patient bowel regimens...
Poor Colonoscopy Bowel Prep Blamed on Doctor
BOUTTE, LA - Bobby Boudreaux's colonoscopy had to be aborted this morning due to a poor bowel prep, making it impossible to safely perform...
Brand New Futile Care Fellowship Created
BOARDMAN, OH - St. Margaret Medical Center released news Thursday that a new cutting-edge fellowship training program would start.
Dr. Peg Trachenline couldn’t hide her...
Whole Foods to Offer Free Gluten Sensitivity Tests in Aisles
HARTFORD, CT - In an attempt to further push gluten-free foods into the public eye, Whole Foods has added point of care celiac sprue...
Joel Osteen Unable to Open Doors to His Megachurch as He is Literally Dry...
HOUSTON, TX – Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas has been receiving some negative social media coverage lately after it was...