Patient Elated to Get Terminal Diagnosis Days After Election
DENVER, CO - Jason Jerry, age 25, of Colorado sat in his oncologist’s office today and received perceivably the best news he could imagine....
Styrofoam Cup Outperforms Crappy Disposable Stethoscope
ABSTRACT
Given the increased proliferation of multidrug resistant (MDR) microorganisms, it is considered standard of care to use patient-dedicated, disposable, or “crappy” stethoscopes to prevent...
Physician’s Curiosity Piqued After Being Paged to Callback Number ‘6’
BOSTON, MA - In a breaking development, hospitalist James Dugan was paged at 7:45 AM this morning to the mysterious single callback number “6,”...
Doctor Makes His Pager DNR
MARIETTA, GA - “It was time,” explained hospitalist James Smith as he caressed his American Messaging pager circa 1981 with its screen reminiscent of...
That’s So Mean: Hospital Kitchen Sends NPO Patients Empty Tray
North Portland, Oregon—The defiance of an NPO order, whether intentional or accidental, may have profound consequences, including worsening of symptoms and delay of surgical...
Tired of Its Advice Being Ignored, CDC Kicks America Out of Its Practice
ATLANTA, GA—Frustrated that no one is listening to their Covid-19 recommendations, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) announced today that it had...
Psalm of Zoll
All hail the mighty Zoll, savior of the ICU
The one who brings back life from the brink of death
He’ll send you a jolt to...
The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers
The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending...
How to Become Gluten Intolerant
Ever wonder how you can become gluten intolerant even if you don't actually have gluten intolerance or celiac disease? We have found a video...
Vaccinations Now Definitively Linked to Pregnancy
BOSTON, MA - A new study just published in the Old England Journal of Medicine now definitively links childhood vaccinations to pregnancy. Jenny McCarthy,...