Internal Medicine

pills

Makers of Dilaudid to Officially Change Name to ‘That One That Starts with a...

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WASHINGTON, DC - In a stunning move the makers of Dilaudid (hydromorphone) have officially changed their product name to “That One That Starts with...
emergency room patient

Local Drug Seeker Discovers That 8/10 Pain Gets The Same Amount of Pain Meds...

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Long-time drug seeker, Kyle Smith, recently discovered that stating his pain is 8/10 instead of the typical 12/10 gets him the same amount of...

An Orthopaedic Surgeon Explains Coronavirus

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Globogym Headquarters, CA – All rights dudes and dudettes, this Coronavirus is treating the world the way Busch Light treats gas station toilets. So...
medical consultant

Consultant Tries Being Nice, Decides It’s Overrated

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On Friday afternoon, top gastroduodenopathologist Dr. Reedol D. Specimenz made a life-changing decision. "I wanted to try something new," says the forty-four-year-old specialist, sipping...
empathy medical robot

Hospital to Employ Empathy Robots to Allow Nurses and Doctors to Chart

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Tired of being treated like a number at big hospitals?  Mercy Hospital in San Francisco wants to change that and they...
medical researcher

Author Concludes “No Further Studies Necessary”

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BOSTON, MA - In a striking bout of confidence, Dr. Jannek Nusenbaum, MD, PhD recently concluded in the New England Journal of Medicine that...
radiologist running

Radiologist Clocks Sub 4-Second 40-Yard Time During a Code Blue

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ATLANTA, GA - A new record was achieved yesterday afternoon as Dr. Ken Willingham, a radiologist at Gotta Have Faith Hospital, clocked a 3.98...

Medical Team Sues Difficult Patient for Pain & Suffering

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - Sometimes enough is enough.  A multidisciplinary inpatient medical team at Birmingham Medical Center (BMC) is taking difficult patient and frequent flyer Jason...

Product Review: Heartbeats by Dr. Dre Stethoscopes

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Pros / The bass on these Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes are SICK!  Besides, who wouldn't want a bluetooth stethoscope blessed by Dr. Dre? Cons / You...
iv flush

Exciting New Treatment for ‘Status Dramaticus’ Released Today by the FDA and NIH

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BETHESDA, MD - Breaking news today from the FDA and NIH researchers in Bethesda,  MD.  A new treatment for Status Dramaticus (SD) has been...