Song of the Diverticulite (Morphine on High at 3am)

0
All the bickering of which is best The song, the canvass, the word, the marbled stone, The rest Pittance such luxury Lacking any test Pittance yes! Void of existential quest Ver-Sed,...
iv pca infusion pump WiFi

Study: Doctors Can’t Operate an IV Infusion Pump Even If Life Depended On It

0
BALDWIN, NY - A new study in the New England Journal of Alaris (NEJA) confirmed something we knew all along: doctors can't operate an IV...
wound care don't care

ICU Fellow Inconsolable After Girlfriend Calls for Goals of Care Discussion

0
NEW HAVEN, CT - It was supposed to be just a normal overnight shift at a prestigious Connecticut hospital when a hospital janitor found a...
routine ECG

Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts

2
MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years.  She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the...
doc mcstuffins

Reality Star Doc McStuffins Opens Up About Physician Burnout

0
ALBANY, NY - A stack of unfinished charts.  Overturned juice boxes.  An exhausted young physician, asleep on her desk, is awoken suddenly by her...
medical student menu

Med Student Given Important Task: Find Out What’s on Today’s Menu

0
NASHVILLE, TN - Instructed by her team that the task she was being given was of the utmost importance, third-year Vanderbilt University medical student...

Qdoba Offering Free Hepatitis to Compete with Chipotle

0
LAKEWOOD, CO - Despite Chipotle’s recent infectious debacles, it still has maintained the loyal support of its hardcore fanbase, who are easily willing to...
letter d

FDA Bans Any Narcotic with the Letter ‘D’ In It

0
ATLANTA, GA - The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) finally came to its senses today by agreeing to ban any narcotic that contains the...
elevator ride

Conversation Starters While Riding in an Elevator with a Patient

0
Elevator rides can be an awkward time for health care providers who sometimes have to spend up to 3 minutes standing in an enclosed metal...
ebola virus

Ebola Virus: I’m Really Uncomfortable with All This Attention I’m Getting

0
Good morning, American citizens.  Let me introduce myself: I'm the Ebola virus. PLEASE!  Calm down, calm down and please allow me a few words.  I...