Calling Pathologists Multiple Times Does Not Expedite Reports, Study Finds
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA – A new study sponsored by the College of American Pathologists concluded that there is an inverse correlation between the number of...
Pathologists Suffer Third Degree Sun Burns in Hospital Fire Drill
DALLAS, TX - A routine fire drill at Big Tex Hospital took a turn for the worst, authorities report.
At 11:58 AM, the Big Tex Office...
Surprise! Ridiculously Restrictive Transfusion Threshold of Zero Associated with Death
BOSTON, MA - In a truly eye-opening study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of which no one could have...
Fourth-Year Medical School Rotations, Here’s the Gouge
As third-year medical students begin to think about scheduling for next year, they must carefully consider how to arrange their final, and arguably most...
Medical Specialties as Harry Potter Characters
Dolores Umbridge, Corenelius Fudge, Percy Weasley- Administration- you operate on a sliding scale of likability and we aren’t sure if you’re evil, rigid, or...
Medical Examiners Lobby For Law Requiring Forensic Crime Shows To Be In Smell-O-Vision
WASHINGTON, DC - “An important aspect that pervades every nook and cranny of our career is the putrid stench of rotting human flesh, and...
Pathology and Radiology Reports Recommend Correlation with Each Other, Endless Loop Ensues
BOSTON, MA – The ICU team of a local area hospital had struggled for days with an increasingly slow EMR for one particular patient.
“At...
American Red Cross Creates American Brown Cross for Fecal Transplant Donations
WASHINGTON, DC - Despite increasing clinician awareness and education as well as instituting universal gloving procedures, hospital-associated Clostridium difficile infections have continued to be...
Research Indicates All Bleeding Stops Eventually
BETHESDA, MD - According to sources at the NIH, yes, it is true: all bleeding stops. This insight came to much relief of general surgery intern,...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of...