Friday, March 29, 2024

Pathology

Resident Fails Rotation for Forgetting to Place TPN Orders by 10 AM

0
MIAMI, FL - Mercy Hospital made a decision to fail Dr. Andy Oppenheimer yesterday after he once again forgot to put total parenteral nutrition (TPN) orders in by 10 AM.  The parenteral nutrition patients on his...
hats

How Many Different Hats Can a Medical Provider Wear?

0
It's not uncommon in modern medicine for any given health care provider, whether it's a nurse, PA, or doctor, to have multiple roles or wear multiple hats: a clinical hat, an administrative hat, etc....
emotional scar collagen

Pathologists Find Emotional Scars Also Made of Collagen

0
CHICAGO, IL - A fascinating new report from the American Society for Clinical Pathology (ASCP) explains emotional scars are actually made up of the same protein found in physical scars, collagen, and not simply...

Surgeon Summons the Dark Lord Xepneumotep to Scrub In

5
CHANCELOR, NC - Dr. Mathers, a surgical oncologist, decided to take on a pancreatic cancer patient whose cancer had engulfed a large portion of the liver.  This particular surgery is one of the most difficult procedures...

Hospital Hires Psychic to Track Pathologists’ Patient Satisfaction

46
LONG ISLAND, NY - Recent trends in the business of medicine have focused on the patient as the center of care.  Accordingly, patient satisfaction scores have become the most valued metric to many hospital administrators,...

Everyone, We Mean EVERYONE, Bored at Tumor Board

0
BALTIMORE, MD - With each additional minute that Dr. Parathyrus struggled to log into PACS, the feeling of lethargy in the room became more and more palpable. “Gosh darn it, I think I’m going to...
medical examiner

Medical Examiners Lobby For Law Requiring Forensic Crime Shows To Be In Smell-O-Vision

0
WASHINGTON, DC - “An important aspect that pervades every nook and cranny of our career is the putrid stench of rotting human flesh, and we would prefer that people and their noses really know...

Fourth-Year Medical School Rotations, Here’s the Gouge

0
As third-year medical students begin to think about scheduling for next year, they must carefully consider how to arrange their final, and arguably most important, year of medical education. “This is the year right before...

Medical Specialties as Game of Thrones Characters

72
As all medical specialties try to gain control of the hospital, we've narrowed down who their characters are: Cardiology, you poor tortured soul with a horrible life. Let's be honest, you got yourself into this.       ...
autopsy

Pathologist Makes Patient NPO After Midnight for Autopsy in the Morning

0
NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to minimize aspiration and prevent any further delays in management, forensic pathologist Dr. Jason Martin has made his deceased patient NPO after midnight for possible autopsy in the...