OxyContin Named Tennessee Official State Drug

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Republished with permission from The Placebo Journal. NASHVILLE, TN (PJ) - Tennessee lawmakers unanimously approved a motion Friday to name “OxyContin” (TM) the state’s official...
princess rubella

Disneyland’s New Princess Rubella

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DISNEYLAND, CA - Joining princesses Ariel, Cinderella, Tinker Bell and Bella, Disneyland in California has just introduced its latest: Princess Rubella.  Visitors to Disneyland...

Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding

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BOSTON, MA - Clinicians, be alert: A new study in the New England Journal of Coronavirus has found that a physical exam finding known...
black cloud white cloud

Meteorologists Developing Radars to Detect Black Clouds, White Clouds

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ATLANTA, GA - In a new strategic partnership with Emory University, meteorologists at The Weather Channel (TWC) has pledged to push the boundaries of...

Fourthhand Smoke Leading Cause of Respiratory Illness in Munchausen Patients

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NEW YORK, NY - The Association for Self-Diagnosis, affiliated with numerous major medical schools, has identified fourthhand smoke as a new threat to the...
pinecones

Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones

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BURLINGTON, VT - Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true and a quaint throwback to an era where it was...
pepsi

Coca-Cola Lashes Out, Reveals What Happens 1 Hour After Drinking Pepsi

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ATLANTA, GA - After a recent infographic caused a stir by revealing what happens to the human body within the first hour of drinking...
millenials fomo sapiens

Breaking: Biologists Reclassify Millenials as Fomo Sapiens

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - As a result of the known high prevalence of fear of missing out or "FOMO" among millenials, American biologists have undertaken...

Sexy Ebola Nurses Released from 45-Day Quarantine

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MOBRIDGE, SD - The nation breathed a sigh of relief today as hordes of sexy Ebola nurses were released from the place of quarantine...
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New AHA CPR Guidelines Introduce “Sensual” Rescue Breaths

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DALLAS, TX - In a change of course from recent guidelines which stressed hands on chest-only CPR for bystanders, the American Heart Association (AHA) has...