Chipotle foodborne-illness menu

Staying True to Their Identity, Chipotle Launches New Foodborne-Illness Menu

0
DENVER, CO - Chipotle admittedly had a rough 2016 but was surprised to see its customers stay loyal to the brand.  Realizing they can...

Dermatology Recommends Arctic Winter to Minimize Sun Exposure

0
ROSEMONT, IL - Continuing its campaign against arch nemesis, the Sun, the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) has issued a new recommendation stating not...
drone Santa hospitalized

Trump Proposes ‘Depo Drones’ as Means to Curb Welfare Expenditures

0
NEW YORK, NY -  Presidential-hopeful Donald Trump continues to make noise as the GOP front runner, as he yesterday announced a novel, if not...

This Store Provides Real Allergies to Get the Medication you Want

0
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Natalie Speede-Faster really needed to get back on Adderall.  Her stupid internist was “concerned” because Natalie always wanted a higher...

Wuhan Virus Lab intern drank Coronavirus vials instead of Corona beer

0
WUHAN, CHINA - Chinese officials just released footage that show a Wuhan Virus Lab intern pounding vial after vial of Coronavirus instead of his...
pens

CDC Recommends Against Loaning Out Your Pen if Someone Asks for It

0
ATLANTA, GA - Lost amidst the opioid and obesity crises over the past few years, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has...

Archaeologist: Ancient Group Claimed Drinking Clean Water Caused Diarrhea

4
A landmark discovery in southern France occurred this Saturday: scientists uncovered a series of caves that may have been inhabited by humans over 15,000 years...
polar vortex

Polar Vortex Advice: Urologists Recommend Setting Genitals on Fire for Warmth

0
LINTHICUM, MD - With the polar vortex forcing them to convene a rare emergency meeting, the American Urological Association (AUA) has issued new recommendations...

Breaking: Scott Pruitt Leaves EPA to Join Hospital Ethics Committee

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald J. Trump announced over Twitter this afternoon that Scott Pruitt will be leaving his leadership role as Administrator of...

Toxicologists: Spice Overdoses Falling, Pumpkin Spice Overdoses Soaring‏

0
TERRE HAUTE, IN - Toxicologists all over the country have noted a disturbing trend with regard to street drug overdoses: while overdoses of Spice...