Staying True to Their Identity, Chipotle Launches New Foodborne-Illness Menu
DENVER, CO - Chipotle admittedly had a rough 2016 but was surprised to see its customers stay loyal to the brand. Realizing they can...
BMI Classification Replaces Word “Obesity” with “American”
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - The World Health Organization (WHO) has revised its BMI (body mass index) classification system, a simple and widely used method for...
New Narcan Reversal Agent, NarCANT, Hits the Market
CHICAGO, IL - After years of having their days ruined by jackwad paramedics and God-complexed ER nurses, opioid addicts everywhere rejoiced today at the...
Breaking: New Earwax Impaction Guidelines Released, World Rejoices
ALEXANDRIA, VA - YES!!!! The American-Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery has dropped some serious knowledge on the world with their newly-published and much-anticipated updated...
Local Mom Decides Against New Brake Pads
MICHIGAN - Local mom, Jennifer Leeders, brought in her Acura MDX for its annual maintenance. Her mechanic recommended new brake pads, a routine recommendation....
Run-4-the-Cure 5k Fun Run, 3 Runners Shy of Cure
ATLANTA, GA - The 23rd annual "Race-4-the-Cure Fun Run & Walk" released a statement Monday: "Our annual Fun Run & Walk fell 3 runners short...
COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days
NEW YORK, NY - First, Italy went on lockdown. Then March Madness was canceled; the NBA and NHL suspended their seasons. Now...
Hospital Mandates Nurses Wear Yellow Safety Belts While Checking Out Pyxis Medications
NORFOLK, VA - Hospital administrators want to crack down on medication errors and they are willing to go to any length to do it....
CDC Recommends Against Any Advice to “Eat Sh*t and Die”
ATLANTA, GA - Contrary to what that angry dude might have just screamed at you, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention recommends against...