New Journal of Negative Studies Announced

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BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies.  The journal, which will focus...

Michael Phelps Has a Few Too Many Cupping Marks Near Genitals

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RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Although Michael Phelps has already drawn attention to the healing technique known as cupping with multiple circular bruises spotted...
lab test

New Blood Test Measures Serum A**hole Levels

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BETHESDA, MD - Researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) are giddy over a fantastic new blood test that can only be described...
runner's high

Person Going for Run in 95-Degree Weather Clearly Doesn’t Have Decision-Making Capacity

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ATHENS, GA - Clearly not considering dire consequences like severe hydration, heat stroke, and heat exhaustion, runner Michael Rabdo has shown he does not...

Breaking: Man Flu Caused by COVID-19

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BETHESDA, MD - In a major scientific breakthrough, researchers at the National Institute of Health have uncovered that man flu is both real and...
drone Santa hospitalized

Trump Proposes ‘Depo Drones’ as Means to Curb Welfare Expenditures

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NEW YORK, NY -  Presidential-hopeful Donald Trump continues to make noise as the GOP front runner, as he yesterday announced a novel, if not...

With Sanders Out of 2016 Race, CDC Urges Those Still ‘Feeling the Bern’ to...

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ATLANTA, GA – Following the announcement from the Sanders campaign that he has officially withdrawn his candidacy from the 2016 Democratic Presidential Primary Race,...
gluten allergy

After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy

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BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer.  “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...

Local Hospital Has New Policy: Ask for Dilaudid, Get Dilaudid, No Questions Asked

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COLUMBUS, OH - A local hospital is trying a new, controversial but more efficient approach to medical care.  “We have changed our guidelines, if you...
heparin bridge

Atlanta Uses Heparin Bridge for Collapsed, Subtherapeutic Part of I-85

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ATLANTA, GA - Nearly 24 hours after a massive fire engulfed and collapsed a section of I-85 Northbound near Piedmont Road, rendering it subtherapeutic and...