honest patient

Doctor Confused by Record Number of Honest Patients

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SACRAMENTO, CA - In a truly unusual streak of luck, Dr. Joy Arbor of Sacramento Family Health had all honest patients on her panel...
cryptocurrency meningitis

Bitcoin Users Infected with Cryptocurrency Meningitis

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ATLANTA, GA - Over the past month, volatile swings in bitcoin have led to an ominous halving of its value, which has thrown investors...
winter outdoor unit

Hospital Opens New Outdoor Wintertime Med-Surg Unit

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - This winter season has been historically busy with influenza A wreaking havoc on health care systems, which are filled to the...
crying infant

Crying Baby Really Trying to Say ‘I Hate You!’

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NEW HAVEN, CT – A new study just published in Pediatrics this month demonstrated that countless parent’s suspicions and anxieties were absolutely correct: When infants cry,...
fitbit monitor

Game On: Fitbit Raises Target to 10 Trillion Steps Per Day

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In what they're calling an inevitable but necessary update for our country, Fitbit, the maker of health and fitness activity trackers,...

George Bush: I Misunderestimated the Weapon of Mass Destruction in My Coronaries: Atherosclerosis

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DALLAS, TX - George W. Bush, the 43rd president of the United States, had a coronary artery stent placed on Wednesday.  Dubbya said he...
patient takes health

Breaking News: American Patient Takes Responsibility for Own Health

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CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA - During multidisciplinary rounds on a cardiology unit at the University of Virginia Medical Center (UVAMC), a glimmer of hope was revealed...
butthurt anal resection

Breaking: Anal Resection Now First-Line Treatment for Butthurt

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CHICAGO, IL - In response to an exponential increase in cases of butthurt over the past several years, the American College of Surgeons (ACS)...

Tide Pods Found to Have Dangerously High Levels of Gluten and GMOs

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CINCINNATI, OH – The recent uptick in teenagers intentionally eating Tide Pods has been garnering a lot of media attention lately, but the real danger...
runner's high

Person Going for Run in 95-Degree Weather Clearly Doesn’t Have Decision-Making Capacity

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ATHENS, GA - Clearly not considering dire consequences like severe hydration, heat stroke, and heat exhaustion, runner Michael Rabdo has shown he does not...