COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE
BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to...
Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store
BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis. While in the hospital for over...
Confused Michael Flynn Requests Immunity from CDC, Immunizations from Senate Intelligence Committee
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Several health care and congressional sources have informed Gomerblog that they believe former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn is very confused and perhaps altered,...
CDC Wants to Remind Americans They Can Still Get Their Flu Vaccine Rectally
ATLANTA, GA - With influenza activity expected to pick up in the next several weeks, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) wants to...
FDA Reminder: Baby Aspirin Not Actually Meant for Babies
SILVER SPRING, MD - Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that...
Bernie Sanders’ Hernia Likely Caused by Strain of Attempting to Lift Up Middle Class
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A source close to the colorectal surgeon who treated Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders for an abdominal hernia this week said...
Qdoba Offering Free Hepatitis to Compete with Chipotle
LAKEWOOD, CO - Despite Chipotle’s recent infectious debacles, it still has maintained the loyal support of its hardcore fanbase, who are easily willing to...
COVID-19 Update: Palliative Care Makes U.S. DNR
ATLANTA, GA - Accepting that COVID-19 is progressing despite all of our best efforts, Palliative has been consulted and has officially made the United...
Secretary Tom Price Deploys Stryker Drone to Mass Vaccinate America for Flu
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh off ex-fixing the Washington Monument, new Secretary of Health and Human Services and orthopedic surgeon Tom Price has turned his...
Nursing Student Enters OR Without Shoe Covers: Beatings Commence
WARWICK, RI - The student nurse stared nervously at the blood-red line bisecting the hallway. Scrub hat and surgical mask, check. Full breakfast and...