CDC: Test Kits Are Low, Critically Ill & Famous People Only

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ATLANTA, GA - The CDC released new guidelines today to to help ration COVID-19 testing kits. They now ask to refrain from testing for...

COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE

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BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to...
insulin

FDA Bans Insulin Amid Reports of Increased Amputations and Other Life Threatening Diseases

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MEMPHIS, TN – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced on Monday that they are pulling insulin off the shelves across the country.  "We...

Joint Commission Announces Pyramids of Punishment for Patient Safety Violations

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CHICAGO, IL - In a recent press release, the Joint Commission (known as JACHO) announced the implementation of a punishment system for health care...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

To Combat Obesity, CDC Says Everyone Drop Down & Do a Billion Sit-Ups Right...

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ATLANTA, GA - In a novel approach to help combat the obesity epidemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that everyone...
CVS Pharmacy

CVS to Limit Opioid Prescription Length to 7 Days, Unless You Say “Pretty Please?!”...

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WOONSOCKET, RI - Stepping up to the plate to help combat the ongoing opioid epidemic, CVS Pharmacy has adopted a new opioid policy that...

Hospital Safety: Fire Marshall Bill Edition

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Fire Marshall Bill Burns taught us valuable lessons in safety for 5 years.  This one in the hospital was none other than the best....
polar vortex

Polar Vortex Advice: Urologists Recommend Setting Genitals on Fire for Warmth

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LINTHICUM, MD - With the polar vortex forcing them to convene a rare emergency meeting, the American Urological Association (AUA) has issued new recommendations...
black cloud white cloud

Meteorologists Developing Radars to Detect Black Clouds, White Clouds

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ATLANTA, GA - In a new strategic partnership with Emory University, meteorologists at The Weather Channel (TWC) has pledged to push the boundaries of...

Starbucks Offering Frappuccino Drips for a Limited Time

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SEATTLE, WA - To help mitigate caffeine withdrawal in its hospitalized customers, Starbucks will be partnering with inpatient pharmacies for a limited time to...