Luke(s), I Am Your Father

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MODESTO, CA - A sperm bank in Modesto has confirmed what millions suspected. Before he was Darth Vader, the leader of the dark side, Anakin was...

Damn It! All U.S. COVID-19 Samples Coming Back Hemolyzed

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ATLANTA, GA - Just when there was a glimmer of hope that we might finally make some progress with the diagnostic testing of patients...
clinic organ samples

Clinic Handing Out Free Organ Samples

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OXFORD, MS - Remember the good old days when you could get free drug samples from your doctor?  Well, clinicians at Mississippi Health do. ...
joint commission

Joint Commission is Coming: Hospital to Change Everything for Three Days Then Revert to...

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EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital administrators have finally cracked the secret to passing the highly-dreaded Joint Commission inspections.  For decades, the Joint Commission (JC) or...
sensual rescue breaths

New AHA CPR Guidelines Introduce “Sensual” Rescue Breaths

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DALLAS, TX - In a change of course from recent guidelines which stressed hands on chest-only CPR for bystanders, the American Heart Association (AHA) has...
creepy medical student

Report: Medical School Limiting the Number of Creepy Applicants to Cut Down on Creepy...

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OMAHA, NE – Creighton University led the nation last year in normal to above normal applicants.  "We have a pretty good applicant pool when...

Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns

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INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION - Due to justified concerns about their own immune systems, an alien race has decided to postpone their plans for a...

Texting While Operating Now Illegal in 5 states

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SACRAMENTO, CA – On Monday California became the 5th state to ban texting while operating.  This new legislation came after Dr. Kenneth Fellet texted...
zdoggmd

‘Butthurt by ZDoggMD’ Added as New ICD-10 Diagnosis

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LAS VEGAS, NV - Emergency departments everywhere have been experiencing a new epidemic sweeping into their triage rooms recently.  Diagnosis: Butthurt.  That’s right, butthurt...
trump

If Elected, Trump to Appoint Jenny McCarthy as Surgeon General

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NEW YORK, NY - In a move which further establishes his anti-vaccine stance, Donald Trump announced yesterday that, if elected, he plans to appoint...