COVID-19 Update: Palliative Care Makes U.S. DNR
ATLANTA, GA - Accepting that COVID-19 is progressing despite all of our best efforts, Palliative has been consulted and has officially made the United...
Santa Just Giving Everyone Influenza B for Christmas
NORTH POLE - He himself quarantined up in the North Pole at his wife's insistence, Santa is just bagging it in and giving every...
CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the infection by Ebola of Nurse Nina Pham, who had cared for the first victim of that...
Study: Inverse Relationship Between IQ, Reproductive Capacity
BATON ROUGE, LA - A prospective, observational study out of Baton Rouge reports intelligence is inversely related to reproductive capacity. Investigators quote compelling data...
Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts
MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years. She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the...
National Healthcare Crisis Solved in Blog Comment Section
MADISON, WI - In a lesser-known EM Physician’s blog, found buried in the comment section, contains the solution to our nation’s healthcare crisis. After...
CVS to Limit Opioid Prescription Length to 7 Days, Unless You Say “Pretty Please?!”...
WOONSOCKET, RI - Stepping up to the plate to help combat the ongoing opioid epidemic, CVS Pharmacy has adopted a new opioid policy that...
CDC Warns Man Buns Harbor Zika Virus
ATLANTA, GA - The Center for Disease Control has issued a very clear warning: Do not date or interact with any men with man...
Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale
ATLANTA, GA - In response to the public health crisis of food comas resulting from the ongoing obesity epidemic, the 3N Joint Task Force,...
Google to Deploy Self-Driving Colonoscopes
PALO ALTO, CA - Google has started to roll out their self-driving colonoscopies. "We are very excited about this new technology," said CEO Sundar Pichai....