CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in...
Santa Just Giving Everyone Influenza B for Christmas
NORTH POLE - He himself quarantined up in the North Pole at his wife's insistence, Santa is just bagging it in and giving every...
Michael Phelps Has a Few Too Many Cupping Marks Near Genitals
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Although Michael Phelps has already drawn attention to the healing technique known as cupping with multiple circular bruises spotted...
Big Pharma Admits They’re Just Trying to Kill Everybody with Vaccines
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In what is being hailed as a huge victory for the anti-vaccine movement, Big Pharma announced to the world today that they've...
Breaking: VA Pick Ronny Jackson Withdraws from Both Nomination, Opioids
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the "baseless and anonymous attacks on my character" as well as intractable abdominal cramps, lacrimation, and rhinorrhea, White House physician Rear...
COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days
NEW YORK, NY - First, Italy went on lockdown. Then March Madness was canceled; the NBA and NHL suspended their seasons. Now...
New Journal of Negative Studies Announced
BOSTON, MA - The medical community is abuzz today with the announcement of the new Journal of Negative Studies. The journal, which will focus...
Doctor Sues Himself After Misdiagnosing His Own Medical Condition
BOCA RATON, FL - Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram made international headlines for his shocking decision to sue himself after he misdiagnosed his own illness. "I demand justice for...
Person Going for Run in 95-Degree Weather Clearly Doesn’t Have Decision-Making Capacity
ATHENS, GA - Clearly not considering dire consequences like severe hydration, heat stroke, and heat exhaustion, runner Michael Rabdo has shown he does not...
10 Photos From the 2017 American Diabetes Association Conference They Don’t Want You to...
The American Diabetes Association (ADA) was relentlessly mocked on Twitter over the weekend for asking conference attendees to remove any tweets that contain photography...