Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts
MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years. She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the...
CDC: “Don’t Forget to Check Human Orifices for Easter Eggs”
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) would like to take this opportunity to wish everybody a "Happy Easter!" and hopes...
TV Show “Doctor Who” Changes Name to “Nurse Who” After Realizing There Are No...
LONDON, ENGLAND - The producers of Doctor Who made a huge mistake: they cast a woman to be the next Doctor Who. After Jodie Whittaker's...
A Breakup Letter to the Z-Pack
Dear Z-Pack,
We’ve had a good run together. But, my dearest azithromycin, it is time for us to end our love affair. It’s not you....
Mars Probe Discovers River of Essential Oils
WASHINGTON: Surprising revelations keep coming from the red planet, as NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) was able to direct one of the Mars surface...
Doctors and Nurses Fight Back: Proposal to Link Hospital CEO Salaries to Employee Satisfaction...
CHICAGO, IL – State senators in Illinois voted yesterday 45 to 14 in favor of a new proposal put together by physicians, nurses, and other...
Hospital Opens Smoker’s Lounge for Patients
CHICAGO, IL - Lord Have Mercy Hospital has taken patient satisfaction to a whole new level by recently opening a “Smoker’s Lounge” for its...
Discharged Patient on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Spotted at Local Grocery Store
BALTIMORE, MD – 63-year-old Clarence Deeters was recently discharged from Mercy Hospital after being admitted and treated for urosepsis. While in the hospital for over...
CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country. There have now been over...
If Elected, Trump to Appoint Jenny McCarthy as Surgeon General
NEW YORK, NY - In a move which further establishes his anti-vaccine stance, Donald Trump announced yesterday that, if elected, he plans to appoint...