CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Rolling Around Naked with Coronavirus-Positive Patient for Hours on End

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ATLANTA, GA - In updated guidelines just published on its website, the Centers of Disease & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends against rolling around naked...

This Physician Won the KevinMD Big Burnout Sweepstakes. Here’s Why.

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TWITTER – The social media giant was abuzz today when news broke that John Roberts, a primary care physician from Sioux Falls, SD, had...

Bernie Sanders’ Hernia Likely Caused by Strain of Attempting to Lift Up Middle Class

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – A source close to the colorectal surgeon who treated Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders for an abdominal hernia this week said...
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Staying True to Their Identity, Chipotle Launches New Foodborne-Illness Menu

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DENVER, CO - Chipotle admittedly had a rough 2016 but was surprised to see its customers stay loyal to the brand.  Realizing they can...
Hurrican JCAHO

Breaking: Hurricane JCAHO to Obliterate All Open Beverage Containers in Its Path

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CAPE VERDE - The National Hurricane Center has detected the most powerful hurricane just yet.  Named Hurricane JCAHO, the projected Category 5 Cape Verde...

Raising Obesity BMI Classification to 35 Would Cut Obesity Rates by 42%

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WASHINGTON, DC - Obesity has become a significant burden upon the medical system in the United States and the American Medical Association (AMA) has decided...
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CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

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ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in...

Industrious Homeless Man Creates Hospital Room-Share Website

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BALTIMORE CITY, MD - Jerome Stanton an opportunist and venerate street man of Baltimore City has created an online marketplace for patrons to share...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against HIV, Infections in General

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ATLANTA, GA - In a statement earlier today, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has recommended against the human immunodeficiency virus (or...
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CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors

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ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy,...