This Day in Medical History: Patient Bled to Death When Only a 3 x...
THIS DAY IN MEDICAL HISTORY, 1917 - Patient Joseph Hails suffered from a wound that was exactly 4 inches by 4 inches. His injury wasn’t unique,...
CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the infection by Ebola of Nurse Nina Pham, who had cared for the first victim of that...
NFL Players Now Expected to Wash Hands Before, After Each Play
NEW YORK, NY - Keeping his promise to "Play Safe, Play Smart" and uphold player safety, National Football League (NFL) Commissioner Roger Goodell has...
Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart
THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth....
Breaking: Mr. Peanut Allergic to Himself
PITTSBURGH, PA - Unfortunate news today as the Kraft Heinz Company announced that one of its most beloved mascots, Planters' Mr. Peanut, has been...
Joint Commission Cites Itself as a Major Hindrance to Medical Care
CHICAGO, IL - This past Thursday, the Joint Commission officially cited itself as a major obstacle for patient care and safety. The Joint Commission released in...
CDC Recommends 168 Hours of Extreme Exercise Per Week
ATLANTA, GA - Ready for a sweat, America? In a long overdue and much anticipated update to its 2008 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans,...
CDC Recommends Against Any Advice to “Eat Sh*t and Die”
ATLANTA, GA - Contrary to what that angry dude might have just screamed at you, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention recommends against...
Local Man Upset He’s Not Getting His Healthcare Money’s Worth
DAYTON, OH - Local resident, Phil Summers, complained that he isn’t getting his "money’s worth" when it comes to healthcare. "I am in top...
With Plug Pulled on Paris Accord, Planet Earth Eligible for Hospice
THIRD PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM - Hours after the world learned of the United States’ intention to withdraw from the 2016 Paris Agreement, Mother Earth...