CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...

Congress Passes Canadian Health Care Act: ‘Let’s Just Mooch Off the Canadians’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - After the House of Representatives postponed the vote on the American Health Care Act (H.R. 1628) yesterday afternoon, a bipartisan group of congressmen...

Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy

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NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon.  Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating...

ICD-10 to Include Code for ‘Dr. Oz Says,’ Automatic Trigger for Level 5 Visit

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The ICD-10 has recently added a last minute section to include codes for an epidemic that has been creeping into US...

Surgeon General to Reverse Opioid Epidemic with Whopping Dose of Narcan

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting Surgeon General Sylvia Trent-Adams has unveiled a new strategy against the nation's opioid epidemic, and it simply involves giving the...

Actors Who Played TV Doctors Offered Honorary Medical Degrees, Can’t Afford Them

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BOSTON, MA - Esteemed actors Hugh Laurie (House, M.D.), Zach Braff (Scrubs), and George Clooney (ER), known for their masterful portrayals of physicians on...
mother researching vaccines

Mother Does Research, Chooses Not to Vaccinate

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JACKSONVILLE, FL – Local mother of two children, Denise Jacobson has decided after much research that she will not vaccinate her children.  “Research is...
used speculum tongue depressor

CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors

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ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy,...

Breaking: Man Flu Caused by COVID-19

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BETHESDA, MD - In a major scientific breakthrough, researchers at the National Institute of Health have uncovered that man flu is both real and...
Blood gravy content concentration level

CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving

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ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding...