Industrious Homeless Man Creates Hospital Room-Share Website
BALTIMORE CITY, MD - Jerome Stanton an opportunist and venerate street man of Baltimore City has created an online marketplace for patrons to share...
Joint Commission Mandates All Patients Be Known As Bob
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission today released new guidelines for protecting patient privacy. The guidelines mandate that all hospitalized patients be known...
Mob Boss Agrees to Shoot Man in Kneecaps Before Weekend
CHICAGO, IL - "I swore off horse races for 10 years, but I relapsed," Sam Hemsworth told us from his wheelchair. "Before I knew...
Hillary Launches New Public Health Campaign: ‘I’m with Her-pes’
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to raise awareness for the rising rates of genital herpes across all age groups in the U.S., Hillary...
IDSA Releases New Recommendations: Handwashing is Bullsh*t
ARLINGTON, VA - The world of medicine has been rocked early this morning with the release of new recommendations by the Infectious Diseases Society...
Nigeria Offers Aid to Measles-Plagued United States
NIGERIA - Local Nigerian government officials have released an official statement letting the world know they were grateful for the help the US has provided...
Santa Uses Electronic Gifts Record and Screws up Bigtime
“It has been a disaster,” said Santa while banging his head against the computer monitor screen. “It has never taken me so long to...
Milk Fat Prolongs Survival of Government Dietary Recommendations
With the recent release from NSA data-mining archives proving that whole milk is indeed better than skim milk for cardiovascular health, dieticians throughout the...
Houston Trauma Teams Prepare for Deadly Super Bowl Shootout
HOUSTON, TX - Emergency crews and trauma teams in the Houston area are nervous but ready for Sunday night, as experts are expecting a...