millenials fomo sapiens

Breaking: Biologists Reclassify Millenials as Fomo Sapiens

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - As a result of the known high prevalence of fear of missing out or "FOMO" among millenials, American biologists have undertaken...

Hospital Fortress Built to Deter Winter Surge in Patient Volume

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - In an effort to withstand the imminent increase in patient volumes with the coming of winter, Birmingham Medical Center (BMC) administrators...

Tips: Is It Allergies or COVID-19?

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With coronavirus (COVID-19) season starting up and allergy season fresh upon us, we wanted to give you some tips on how to tell the...

Archeologists Discover Ancient Disability Papyrus

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GREECE - Last week on the Greek island of Lesbos, a team of archaeologists unearthed a primitive disability papyrus signed by Hippocrates himself in 405...
miss universal healthcare

Miss Management Crowned Miss Universal Healthcare

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BOSTON, MA - Miss Management of Hospital Administration has been crowned Miss Universal Healthcare, beating out Miss Hap of General Surgery, Miss Understanding of...

Congress Passes Canadian Health Care Act: ‘Let’s Just Mooch Off the Canadians’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - After the House of Representatives postponed the vote on the American Health Care Act (H.R. 1628) yesterday afternoon, a bipartisan group of congressmen...

Ben Carson: Heart Attack Victims Could Have Survived If They Cathed Own Coronaries

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DETROIT, MI - According to retired neurosurgeon and presidential hopeful Ben Carson, patients who have died due to acute myocardial infarctions or “heart attacks”...
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CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter

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ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...

Breaking: Man Flu Caused by COVID-19

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BETHESDA, MD - In a major scientific breakthrough, researchers at the National Institute of Health have uncovered that man flu is both real and...
door knob

New Recommendations for Flu Vaccination: ‘Lick a Knob’ Campaign

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DES PLAINES, IL - Doctors in northwest Illinois have a new method to help older adults stave off illness during the upcoming flu season. Dr....