European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium between France and Belgium, both French and Belgium officials have...
Opinion: Like Michigan Leaders, I Also Prefer My Water Corrosive and Full of Lead
I’m sure you’re reading about the Flint water crisis and thinking the same thing as me: Michigan Governor Rick Snyder, the state’s Department of Environmental Quality, and other government officials are true heroes! BRAVO!!!...
BREAKING: U.S. Patient Tests Positive for COVID-19, SARS, MERS, Ebola, Bubonic Plague, Measles, Smallpox,...
ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news to Gomerblog, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention has identified a patient who has not only tested positive for COVID-19 but also severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS),...
COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) says they're not trying to be curt but if we can't deal with COVID-19 then "we're totally effed" in a zombie apocalypse.
"With the...
Local Veterans Affairs Hospital to Merge with DMV
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to improve efficiency and patient satisfaction, a local Veteran's Affairs (VA) Hospital has announced it will merge with the nearby Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) branch. VA Hospital...
Surgeon General to Reverse Opioid Epidemic with Whopping Dose of Narcan
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting Surgeon General Sylvia Trent-Adams has unveiled a new strategy against the nation's opioid epidemic, and it simply involves giving the United States a "whopping, several-million mg dose" of Narcan (naloxone)...
CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction
ATLANTA, GA - Citing people as a major cause of epidemics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) hopes to eliminate infections once and for all by recommending against any and all human interaction....
New York Outlaws MRSA
ALBANY, NY - New York legislators recently passed a new law that outlaws MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staph aureus) in the state of New York. This new law will make it illegal for one to have MRSA...
Joint Commission Mandates All Patients Be Known As Bob
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission today released new guidelines for protecting patient privacy. The guidelines mandate that all hospitalized patients be known as Bob regardless of real name, age, gender, race or...
FDA Bans Insulin Amid Reports of Increased Amputations and Other Life Threatening Diseases
MEMPHIS, TN – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced on Monday that they are pulling insulin off the shelves across the country. "We feel this drug is just not as safe as we...