Polar Vortex Advice: Urologists Recommend Setting Genitals on Fire for Warmth
LINTHICUM, MD - With the polar vortex forcing them to convene a rare emergency meeting, the American Urological Association (AUA) has issued new recommendations...
Rabies Vaccines Result in Doggie Autism According to Andrew Wakefield, PETA Petrified
HOLY SMOKES, NC - According to GomerBlog sources at GQ, it is true. Rabies vaccines cause doggie autism. The news came following a monumental...
After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy
BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer. “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...
Coca-Cola Lashes Out, Reveals What Happens 1 Hour After Drinking Pepsi
ATLANTA, GA - After a recent infographic caused a stir by revealing what happens to the human body within the first hour of drinking...
New Narcan Reversal Agent, NarCANT, Hits the Market
CHICAGO, IL - After years of having their days ruined by jackwad paramedics and God-complexed ER nurses, opioid addicts everywhere rejoiced today at the...
Doc McStuffins Caught Sleeping with Lambie, License Suspended
SACRAMENTO, CA - The Medical Board of California suspended the license of Dottie "Doc" McStuffins after allegations arose that she conducted an inappropriate relationship with...
Santa Just Giving Everyone Influenza B for Christmas
NORTH POLE - He himself quarantined up in the North Pole at his wife's insistence, Santa is just bagging it in and giving every...
CDC Recommends Against Loaning Out Your Pen if Someone Asks for It
ATLANTA, GA - Lost amidst the opioid and obesity crises over the past few years, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has...
Words With Friends to Add HIPAA-Compliant Messaging
The popular mobile game, Words With Friends, just added HIPAA compliant secure messaging. Spokesperson Gene Catterspolti said, "It was a highly requested feature as many...
Patients on Contact Precautions in Hospital, Now Required to Have Yellow Cart Outside of...
PHILADELPHIA, PA - A new mandate was recently passed that now requires ALL patients that were in contact precautions in the hospital, must have...