Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap

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UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak...
malpractice court

Doctor Sues Himself After Misdiagnosing His Own Medical Condition

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BOCA RATON, FL - Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram made international headlines for his shocking decision to sue himself after he misdiagnosed his own illness.  "I demand justice for...

Opinion: Like Michigan Leaders, I Also Prefer My Water Corrosive and Full of Lead

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I’m sure you’re reading about the Flint water crisis and thinking the same thing as me: Michigan Governor Rick Snyder, the state’s Department of...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Doctor Frantically Considers Options As He Realizes There’s No Toilet Paper Mid-Poop

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EL PASO, TX - Facing a crisis of unheralded proportions, medicine intern Edwin Veracruz is mulling over any and all options as he realizes...
Jerome Adams Surgeon General Surgeon Colonel

Surgeon General Turfs Public Health to Hospitalist General

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the complex medical comorbidity of our country's citizens, Surgeon General Jerome Adams has turfed the public health to Hospitalist General...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) says they're not trying to be curt but if we can't deal with...

Tide Pods Found to Have Dangerously High Levels of Gluten and GMOs

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CINCINNATI, OH – The recent uptick in teenagers intentionally eating Tide Pods has been garnering a lot of media attention lately, but the real danger...

Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City

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NEW YORK, NY - Currently billions and billions of virus-sized Godzillas are wreaking havoc on New York. The coronavirus is speading like wildfire. Now...

Archaeologist: Ancient Group Claimed Drinking Clean Water Caused Diarrhea

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A landmark discovery in southern France occurred this Saturday: scientists uncovered a series of caves that may have been inhabited by humans over 15,000 years...