U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19
CHICAGO, IL - The NBA suspended its season when its first player tested positive for COVID. American public schools closed when its first...
AMA: Casino Cruise Business ‘In the Works’
CHICAGO, IL - The American Medical Association (AMA) was initially formed to represent the interests of physicians and "to promote the art and science of...
Rabies Vaccines Result in Doggie Autism According to Andrew Wakefield, PETA Petrified
HOLY SMOKES, NC - According to GomerBlog sources at GQ, it is true. Rabies vaccines cause doggie autism. The news came following a monumental...
CDC Warns Man Buns Harbor Zika Virus
ATLANTA, GA - The Center for Disease Control has issued a very clear warning: Do not date or interact with any men with man...
That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff
ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers...
Groundbreaking Study Finds ‘Apple a Day’ Therapy Prevents 100% of Hospital Readmissions
KANSAS CITY, MO – A group of researchers who set out to find the most effective way to prevent hospital patients from having to...
Fourthhand Smoke Leading Cause of Respiratory Illness in Munchausen Patients
NEW YORK, NY - The Association for Self-Diagnosis, affiliated with numerous major medical schools, has identified fourthhand smoke as a new threat to the...
Breaking: Hurricane JCAHO to Obliterate All Open Beverage Containers in Its Path
CAPE VERDE - The National Hurricane Center has detected the most powerful hurricane just yet. Named Hurricane JCAHO, the projected Category 5 Cape Verde...
Joint Commission Mandates Extensive Timeout Prior to Initiating CPR
SAN ANTONIO, TX - Citing the shocking incidence of "never event" wrong-sided CPR (commonly known as WroSC), the Joint Commission issued new guidelines today...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak...