Ebola Virus: I’m Really Uncomfortable with All This Attention I’m Getting
Good morning, American citizens. Let me introduce myself: I'm the Ebola virus.
PLEASE! Calm down, calm down and please allow me a few words. I would really like to get a few things off my...
CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case. A patient with no known Ebola exposures in Raleigh, NC fell ill with the virus last week and...
CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country. There have now been over 250 confirmed cases of what the agency has named “panniculolithiasis.”
The...
Product Review: Mattel’s Resuscitate Me Elmo
Pros / Thanks to his lovable and playful interactions, Resuscitate Me Elmo makes it ridiculously easy and fun to learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).
Cons / Battery life is weak and Elmo's chest cracks easily.
The One...
“Rare Diseases” Give Jenny McCarthy Lifetime Achievement Award
LOS ANGELES, CA - Thursday night the 197,788th annual Rare Disease Awards - formally known as the Common Disease Awards - brought the house down at the Staples Center.
The usual celebrities graced the red carpet: SARS,...
VA Backlogs To Be Honored On Veterans Day
PAPERWORK, USA - On November 11, 2014, the United States will be honoring its myriad heroes: the fallen fighters, the surviving soldiers, and the longest-surviving paperwork this country has ever seen. This year, the Department...
Why I Became a Hospital Administrator
After carefully surveying the shifting American healthcare landscape for the past decade, I retired from my increasingly headache filled private practice and said to myself, "Self, you can’t beat ‘em, so join ‘em."
No longer...
Shark Attack Victim Denied Narcotics
PENSACOLA BEACH, FL - Skip Sanders alternated between spearfishing and surfing, depending on the waves. Yesterday, an errant harpoon from his spear gun grazed a bull shark.
Chomping ensued.
Despite the loss of all four limbs, Skip managed...
Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy
NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon. Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating their pies on Thanksgiving Day where only the chosen are able...
Ebola Now Airborne, Nation Prepares
ATLANTA, GA - Ebola, the most deadly disease known to man, was confirmed to be airborne by the CDC after an extensive investigation of the case in Dallas. "At first we blamed the nurses...