Thursday, June 4, 2020

Anesthesiology

anesthesiologist intubate bored anesthesiologist

Anesthesiologists Wish Patients Could Intubate Themselves Once in a While

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MONTREAL, QUEBEC - Tired of looking after every airway in this world, anesthesiologists admit they occasionally wish patients wouldn't be so lazy and unmotivated, and could occasionally show at least a little interest and intubate...

RN, MD Confused After Patient Requests Pain Med That Begins with an E

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ATLANTA, GA - An inpatient health care team has been baffled all day by a patient’s persistent requests for pain medication, but it’s not your usual suspect.  The patient keeps asking for that pain...
nephrology

Always Blame Nephrology

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Intern: Patient’s BP is now 90/50. Resident: This is from pulling too much fluid with dialysis Intern: Patient didn’t get any dialysis today Resident: Then, it is from the dialysis done 2 days ago Intern: They just called...

OR Shutdown Enters Third Week as Drape Wall Dispute Remains Deadlocked

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KEARNEY, NE - An operating room at Kind Samaritan Hospital (KSH) has entered a third week of shutdown as Anesthesia and Surgery continued to spar over their demands for the surgical drape wall. Both...
sudoku mission accomplished

Victory: Anesthesia Solves Every Last Sudoku on Earth

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SCHAUMBURG, IL - Citing today as unequivocally the greatest day in the history of anesthesiology, President of the American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) Jeffrey Plagenhoef announced that "every sudoku puzzle ever created and placed...
drape fort iron drapes

In Cruel Prank, Surgeon Steals All of Anesthesia’s Drapes

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SCHAUMBURG, IL - The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) has called a rare emergency meeting earlier today after one of its most highly-recognized members, Ryan Grossman, fell victim to an incredibly cruel prank: a...
pilot med student turbulence

Doing the Right Thing: Pilot Blames Turbulence on Anesthesia

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DELTA 272 - Occasional rough patches of air during a flight isn’t uncommon, ask any pilot.  However, to Delta pilot Captain Jack Wilson, who just flew from New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport to...
anesthesiologist table height

Breaking: Anesthesia Absolutely Spent Adjusting Table Height

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MONTREAL, QUEBEC - McGill University anesthesiologist, 42-year-old Eric Drouin, admits that he is absolutely spent after adjusting the table height this morning per the surgeon's request, and plans to take the rest of the...

Anesthesiologist in Flap Room Refutes Reports of Peegasms, Calls for Multicenter Prospective Trial

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Dr. I. Kaffeinate is prominent Canadian anesthesiologist who is raising doubts about a recently reported article1 in which urologists were warning women of a disturbing new trend. This reporter caught up with her after she...

Breaking News: Surgery Accepts Blame

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For the first time in recorded history, anesthesia blamed surgery for a poor case, and surgery accepted blame. “We took this guy back for a hernia repair, and the surgeon was just poking around with...
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