Doctors Mandated to Rub Patients’ Bellies to Improve Patient Satisfaction Scores
PENSACOLA, FL - In an effort to bolster patient satisfaction scores, doctors at Sacred Heart Health System have been mandated to rub patients' bellies, say "Good patient, good patient!!" and give them a treat, according...
Doctor Asks If There’s a Pilot Aboard This Hospital
NEW YORK, NY - In a moment of inspiration after he forced herself to brainstorm What would a pilot do?, internist Dr. Matt Thompson at Bellevue Hospital Center spoke with the hospital operator, who in turn...
Honesty FTW! Physician Signs Note “Thanks for the Sh*tty Consult”
BOSTON, MA - Making no attempt to hide his obvious displeasure in what was a "late" and "totally bogus" consult, infectious diseases fellow Luke O'Cytosis just ended his note with the terse "Thanks for...
Breaking: For First Time in History, EEG Captures Seizure Activity
CHICAGO, IL - Remember today's date. Remember where you were and what you were doing. In breaking news to Gomerblog, we have learned that an electroencephalogram, or EEG, performed at Northwestern University today has...
Palliative Care Stops McGregor in 10th to Discuss Goals of the Fight
LAS VEGAS, NV - The smallish crowd of 14,623 at T-Mobile Arena wasn't surprised when referee and palliative care nurse practitioner Robert Byrd stopped the mega-fight between 49-0 Floyd "Money" Mayweather and MMA fighter...
Pat Sajak, Vanna White to Host New Urologic Game Show, Wheel of Foreskin
CULVER CITY, CA - NBC and the American Urological Association (AUA) have announced that power game-show duo Pat Sajak and Vanna White will be co-hosting a brand new urologic game show this coming fall called Wheel...
Medical Student Mob Tears Down Statue of Andrew Wakefield
CLEVELAND, OH - An angry mob of medical students tore down a statue of Andrew Wakefield in front of the Cleveland Clinic Saturday. This anti-vax champion was best known for a falsified study linking...
Local Man Really Enjoyed Solar Eclipse
ATLANTA, GA – It was a scene filled with excitement this morning as millions of people from all over the country ventured outside to observe the 2017 solar eclipse. Perhaps nobody enjoyed it more than local...
Ophthalmologists Bracing Themselves for Full Day of Work After Solar Eclipse
SALEM, OR - Ophthalmologists throughout the country are bracing themselves for what could be an entire day of work immediately after the solar eclipse on August 21. Record numbers of people “seeing spots” after...
Orthopedic Surgeon Floods OR During Shoulder Arthroscopy
OMAHA, NE - Officials from Hamton Hospital may have to implement new policies after an orthopedic surgeon inadvertently flooded out the operating room during a shoulder arthroscopy.
“He kept asking for more irrigation or commenting...