Nephrologist Feels Wrong Eating Bowl Full of Kidney Beans
TAMPA, FL - Reluctantly bringing the spoon to his mouth after spending a few minutes swirling it in the bowl in front of him, area nephrologist Samuel Martins says it feels totally wrong indulging...
Doing the Right Thing: Pilot Blames Turbulence on Anesthesia
DELTA 272 - Occasional rough patches of air during a flight isn’t uncommon, ask any pilot. However, to Delta pilot Captain Jack Wilson, who just flew from New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport to...
Suspicious Package Sent to Orthopaedic Department, Contains Stethoscope
MEMPHIS, TN - Baptist Memorial Orthopaedic Department was sent a suspicious package on Thursday. "We had our intern, Tiny Arms Tim, open it," Dr. Rundowsky told reporters. "Interns are expendable, and we couldn't find a...
Badass: Cardiologist Stents Own Proximal LAD Just ‘Cause He Can
NASHVILLE, TN - In a dazzling display of both self-sufficiency and badassery, Vanderbilt cardiologist Dr. Barnett Timberland has just successfully stented his own proximal LAD (left anterior descending coronary artery) just because he can. ...
Breaking: Anesthesia Absolutely Spent Adjusting Table Height
MONTREAL, QUEBEC - McGill University anesthesiologist, 42-year-old Eric Drouin, admits that he is absolutely spent after adjusting the table height this morning per the surgeon's request, and plans to take the rest of the...
In Response to High Demand, Ensure Now Available in Keg Form
LAKE BLUFF, IL - You spoke and they listened: Abbott Laboratories, maker of nutritional supplements, has announced that their product Ensure is now available in a 15.5 gallon keg form.
“Ensure consumers are a loyal...
Hospitalists Run for Cover as Nurses Heave Barrage of Pages Near Shift Change
LOS ANGELES, CA - Hospitalists know the drill all too well: It doesn’t matter if you haven’t been paged all day, expect hellfire starting at 5:30 PM and expect it to last until 7...
In the Name of Patient Satisfaction, IV Pumps Fitted with WiFi
BOSTON, MA - As much as they don’t want to admit it, health care professionals have succumbed to the reality of patient satisfaction surveys and the fact they are here to stay, which partially...
Busted: PT Caught Taking Elevator Down One Flight
ASHEVILLE, NC - In breaking news to Gomerblog this morning, an extremely embarrassed physical therapist Alvin Guzman has been caught red-handed this morning taking the elevator only one flight down from the second floor...
Breaking: Colonized Computer Keyboard Finally Becomes Septic
LOS ANGELES, CA - Gomerblog has learned that a computer keyboard colonized with a whole host of microorganisms at the nurses station on Unit 4A of Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) has become septic,...