New ABCs of Emergency Medicine, “Airway, Breathing, CT Scan, Disposition”
WASHINGTON, D.C. - New practice-changing guidelines for resuscitation in the emergency department were released just ahead of the American College of Emergency Physicians (ACEP) meeting this year. Dr. Kahn Sult-Freely, ACEP’s new-acting President, made the...
Trying to Ration Its Supply, Palliative Care Team Offers Thoughts or Prayers But Not...
BROOKLYN, NY - In an attempt to preserve supplies and not dole them out like Halloween candy, a palliative care team at Maimonides Medical Center has offered a patient and his family their thoughts or...
RN Too Terrified of N95 Fit Testing Instructor to Admit Tasting Bitter Spray
COMMUNITY HOSPITAL - RN Maria did not speak up when her N95 mask didn’t fit properly due to feeling intimidated by her instructor, Cara, thereby forfeiting her one annual chance to learn how to correctly...
Millions of Millennials Hospitalized in ICUs with White Claw Withdrawal
CHICAGO, IL - A nationwide shortage of White Claw Hard Seltzer has led to an unprecedented surge in hospitalizations, with millions of millennials being admitted to intensive care units (ICUs) with life-threatening...
Attending Shocked to Learn He’s Not Actually Funny
TACOMA, WA - Dr. Gerald Wood, the Chief of Rheumatology at St. Johns, was stunned to learn this morning that he is not objectively funny after having his article rejected from the popular high-impact...
Study Shows ‘Hold On, I’ll Get Your Nurse’ Most Common Phrase Doctors Say to...
A new survey published this month reveals the sentence “Hold on, I’ll get your nurse” to be the most common thing doctors say to inpatients. The phrase, reportedly used in over 93% of daily...
CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving
ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding family and other loved ones that "friends don't let friends drive...
Placenta Throw to Replace Discus at Rio Olympics
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has voted unanimously to replace Track & Field's Discus event with the Placenta Throw at the Olympic Games in Rio later this summer.
"I think...
Hospital Rat Mistaken for Pokémon
CHICAGO, IL - Northwestern University Hospital had a false alarm Saturday, where several employees mistook a hospital rat for a rare Pokémon. "I was so excited when I saw him," said OR scrub tech...
Hospital Installs Shock-Paging System, Morale Soars
NORTH CAROLINA - Doctors and nurses are seeing unprecedented highs in morale and productivity three weeks after Our Lady of Perpetual Dispo Hospital installed a new paging system. While at most hospitals this would...
