Thursday, July 9, 2020

Emergency Medicine

septic colonized keyboard

Breaking: Colonized Computer Keyboard Finally Becomes Septic

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Gomerblog has learned that a computer keyboard colonized with a whole host of microorganisms at the nurses station on Unit 4A of Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) has become septic,...
73 miles per hour

Beverly Hills Hospital Unveils New ‘Vapid Response Team’

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BEVERLY HILLS, CA - It’s no secret that Americans spend far too much on end-of-life care. Moreover, medical interventions on the terminally ill can be needlessly painful and even against the patient’s own wishes....
emergency room

Emergency Department Staff Shocked by Prior Authorization Request

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CHADRON, NE - Emergency room physician assistant Chester Preshuns was shocked last Thursday afternoon during transport of his STEMI patient to a cardiac/cath lab capable facility. "I knew even before I got the chemistries...
hospital credentialing

Patient Tips for a Pleasant Stay at Your Local Hospital

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When it comes to your medical care, you have a lot of choices. At the world-renowned Ivory Tower Medical Center, we want your experience to be top-notch and lead you to never want to...
drape fort iron drapes

Search & Rescue Team Saves Anesthesiologist Buried Under Drape Avalanche

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DALLAS, TX - Search and rescue operations are underway to locate anesthesiologist Kelly Doolittle in operating room (OR) 5 at Dallas Medical Center after an avalanche of neatly-pressed drapes tumbled on top of her...
woman gives up facebook

Breaking: Facebook Placed on Pressors to Fix Plummeting Stocks

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MENLO PARK, CA - With its stock value plummeting precipitously in the past 48 hours, Facebook has been started on pressors with lactated ringers running wide open. “The drop is significant and Facebook is showing...
etoh levels

Unit Secretary Wins Nightly ETOH Pool

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – Emergency room secretary Lois Mare won the nightly ETOH pool at Topanga Memorial Hospital last night. Her winning guess of 433 was the closest to the actual level from the lab’s...

Retiring Soccer Star to Open Malingering Clinic for ED Drug Seekers

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MUNICH, GERMANY - In a surprise announcement sure to shock both the soccer and medical world, German star midfielder, Michael Schmerzen, announced today his intent to retire from professional sports after this year’s World...

Psychiatric Screamers to Replace Screeners in ERs

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Given the continued emphasis on cost cutting, implementing effective measures, and streamlining services in healthcare, some cutting-edge emergency departments are moving from their usual psychiatric screeners to psychiatric screamers. This is the brainchild of...

Medical Specialties as Harry Potter Characters

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Dolores Umbridge, Corenelius Fudge, Percy Weasley- Administration- you operate on a sliding scale of likability and we aren’t sure if you’re evil, rigid, or caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time....
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