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trauma pumpkin

Halloween Pumpkin Carving Scenes at the Hospital: Updated

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PUMPKINVILLE, PATCH, U.S.A. - Look at these pumkins that were admitted to the hospital! OR maybe  medical professionals with a warped sense of humor,...
genital exam, Halloween

GU’s Halloweiner Special: Wear Costume, Free Genital Exam

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LINTHICUM, MD - The American Urological Association (AUA) is promoting men's health this October 31st by offering a one-day Halloweiner special: visit your urologist...
essay writing

Medical Student Essays: Trying to Get Out of Military Service

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I just want to help medical students who have taken an HPSP scholarship to write a better letter to military program directors as to...
trespasses, nurses station

Doctor Trespasses into Nurses Station, Shot on Sight

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NORFOLK, VA - Internist Jeff Jenkins is face down and comatose on the fourth floor of Norfolk Medical Center after being shot in the...

Doctor Wins Lottery: Patient List Free of Jerks, A**holes

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NEW YORK, NY - Internal medicine physician Damien Sharp won the medical equivalent of a lottery jackpot today: his patient list is completely devoid...
attending physician

Attending Known for Long ICU Rounds Admits She is Actually Just Filibustering Her Crappy...

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At the Pannus University Hospital, there is one specific attending, who preferred to remain anonymous for this article, known for exquisitely long rounds.  Every...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
superbacteria

Dr. Mark Plaster to Battle New Super Bacteria in Maryland

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ANNAPOLIS, MD - The CDC is warning the public that a new super bacteria has been identified in Maryland that is resistant to every...

CDC Warns Man Buns Harbor Zika Virus

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ATLANTA, GA - The Center for Disease Control has issued a very clear warning: Do not date or interact with any men with man...

Maker of EKG Pads Now Recommends 230-Lead EKGs for Patients

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FRIDLEY, MN - New studies are demonstrating that the more EKG leads a patient has, the more accurate the EKG is.  Previously, only 12...